I had a "situation" the other day not a funny one but here it is.....
A meter reader was coming along the side of the neighbors yard (into mine) to read the neigbors gas & electric.
He does not have to read mine for mine is "electronically read) SO anyway the dumb S. O. B. "sprayed my dog! My dog (Bo) was on my porch, came off of porch when the man came into my yard. When Bo saw the meter-reader the man was "scared" and sprayed my sweet precious companion...so...I came out the door and ran him down the street...just chewin his ass out! Of course I called him a "chicken-sh!t and told him needs to find "indoor work." YES I reported him, because Bo did not go after him, I saw it all!
If he comes back, next month, this old b!tch might bite him!

Can anyone "TOP" that ?

I've mention this one here before, but for those who missed it...
I was 18 sitting in a bar (legal then) at 11pm while the news came on, my girlfriend was breaking up with me. I noticed on the tv news over her head was a spectacular house fire...then I realized...it was my house. I told her she can dump me later...I gotta go!!

Well I can't top it, but I live in an apartment complex, where there are a few stop signs and speed bumps and the cops patrol around here all the time, cause they like to catch people doing a California roll thru the stop signs, I got one, $125.00 smackaroonies. Anyways I always go slow, come to a complete stop, and this drives some people crazy!! So Friday I was slowing down when this old S.O.B. in a pick up with a cab on it it, that right there tells me he's a hillbilly, anyway, he starts flailing his arms and I had had a rough day. I stopped at the stop sign, and stuck my head out the window and yelled you got a problem with me? while flippin him the bird, he starts mouthing at me, at which time I decide not to go, I took my go old time, I love doing this, he's gettin madder, so I kept my finger out the window and crept along, he finally turned off. He had no good reason to flail his arms he was just being a prick. I'll show him.

I was awakened in the middle of the night by loud voices, and a glaring light through my bedroom window. The dogs were going ape-sh*t at the window -- clawing and snarling.

I gathered them up, grabbed my cell phone and went to the kitchen to call 911.

When I explained and gave my address, the operator said I was to stay in my house until a police officer knocked at the door. She said someone was in my backyard and they needed to place him into custody.

As it turns out, the police were chasing this guy and the helicopter followed him as he jumped my fence and hid under my bedroom window. The voices I heard were the cops barking instructions, and the light was from the helicopter.

It took about 15 minutes before a cop knocked at my door giving me the all-clear. A few neighbors came to the door also to see if I was OK. There were still about 8 cops cars surrounding my house.

It was scary, crazy, exhilirating, and surreal all at the same time.

years ago (just putting that out there first because i have learned from this experience) i went to a concert with several friends. we took two cars and one of the people i had in my car had very bad back problems so there was alot of attention on her getting in and out of my car and one of my other friends was very pregnant (this is important to show my distraction assisting my friends!!).

we parked in a parking garage next to each other. we went to the show, 2 hours later came out and i started looking for my car keys as we were approaching the cars....no keys, so everybody is thinking i locked them in the car. as we're getting closer my one friend says "ummm...it sounds like your car is running"... yes, true story, keys in the ignition, car running for 2 hours. of course, i LOCKED the car!! still can't believe the car didn't run out of gas.

I did something like that at this intersection I lived by, some a$$hole get pissed at me for STOPING at the stop sign, he layed on his horn, so I flipped him off and stopped there for a few minutes, then as slow as I could made my turn and went as slow as I could down the street as he followed me, he couldn't pass me because there was traffic on the other side.

Hmm, most of these are car stories...so I'll tell one about an airport. A few years ago I was taking a connection in DeGaulle airport, in Paris. I had decided to smuggle some imported Austrian beer. In my bag I also had unexposed film, herbal teas (from a Christmas market I went to) and spare batteries.

Now, I had fifteen minutes to travel across the airport, in and out of Customs, and get to my connection...through about five escalators, steps, and going out into the street at one point. Ten minutes into my run, the zipper on my carryon's pocket broke. The beer stayed in (too heavy) but everything else kept falling out. Not wanting to miss the flight, I ignored the trail of batteries, film and tea. Some friendly Frenchmen wanted to help me, though, and they started screaming at me to stop, that I had dropped some things. I tried to move on the elevator and yelled at them to not worry, I was late, etc. Trying to help, they pick up my junk and start throwing it towards me. I tripped on the film canister. Of course, I missed my connection and spent eight hours wandering around DeGaulle until my flight was ready.

Thats the Martha I Love and respect.



In 1982. I was working as a cashier in a parking deck. I was laid off from my regular job. The rate was 50 cents an hour 50 cents any additional part of an hour up to $3.00 a day maxium.

It is a beautiful sunny & warm October afternoon. It is about 2:15 in the afternoon. This older lady drives up to the window. There is one car in front of her. She was visiting someone there in the hospital for almost an hour and a half. I tell her that her ticket is $1.00. She starts reading me the riot act that she has only been there an hour. I inform her that she has been there for an hour and a half, the ticket is $1.00.

She hits the roof and tells me just what a "nice" person I am. LOL.

I told her that it was a nice day out and if she wanted to, we could trade places. She could do my job, and i would take her car and go home and enjoy the day.

She pays me the $1.00 for the ticket and leaves.

The following Saturday, the manager of the parking deck comes in at around 10:00 A.M. She acts like she is doing a bank deposit. She never did this any other time. she would do the weekend deposit on Monday. We get to talking.

She says to me: I asked Neil and he said it wasn`t him. I asked Gregg and I know he can`t think that fast. So it leaves you.

Have you ever told anyone that they could have your job. I start laughing my azz off. I said yes. Here this lady sent a letter to the editor of the local paper.( The Canton Repository). About the smart azzed people working at the parking deck.

She told me about this letter. She also lectured me about if I can`t handle the heat stay out of the kitchen.

She then tells me I`m sure that this will never happen again. I tell her that it will never happen again.

At this time, a customer pulls up to pay his ticket. This customer and I have been kidding around with each other everytime they came in and had a ticket.

This man hands me his ticket. I tell him it`s $1.00. He jokingly tells me that is Highway Robbery. I tell him Yes it is and I don`t even have a gun.

My manager chitts her pants. I inform her after this man left that he and I joke around everyday when he comes in and pays his ticket.

She leaves. I keep my job, and as they say, the rest is history.

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