Let's see here.

There have been many occasions where I have seen someone talking about a number of failed relationships, and one of the things I see people around here say a lot of the time is that " the one thing that all of your failed relationships have in common is you ".

Now...I have a thought on this comment that some people are really not going to like, but I really don't much care.

I have been in 5 " long term " relationships. Of those four relationships, 4 of the women involved cheated on me.

Now, using the logic stated in the comment I see made all the time, I must be one hell of a terrible guy. Treat women like crap, be terrible in bed...whatever.

Well ya know what? I'm not any of those things. I am a good ( but I will NOT say nice ) man.

Is it MY fault that they had some kind of character flaw that would allow them to cheat??

I am not saying that I am completely blameless. Looking back, I saw quite a few things that I did wrong.

BUT. Though I may have been the common denominator in those relationships, I refuse to accept that it was me and me alone that caused their behavior.

This may or may not get moved.

I posted it without realizing where I put it. I'm not sure if this is the proper place for it.

(((Guy))) perhaps the one you left out was the "type" of women you're attracted to.. That is a "you" if you keep having the same problem, you have to look at the common denominator which the women you pick... maybe I don't know the women, jmo...

Good point You just were getting the wrong women

I agree, some things are just beyond our control regardless of us being the one consistent thing in the relationships. Funny how no one questions the other persons character and/or their flaws. I won't lie, I did cause a few of the relationships to fail...but not every single one was done by me and me alone.

Most failures are always 50/50 in a relationship, few understand that and even less understand that a relationship is 50/50. Both people must put in an equal amount of effort or it just will not work.

But the thing is....there isn't any one particular " type " that I am attracted to. Although cheaters seems to have been my " type " for quite a while.

All of my exes have been pretty much completely different except for that one thing.

* shrug *

maybe it's something in the personality, not necessarily their looks...

did you ever ask them why they cheated?

Now that I 100% agree with...lol

Actually, yeah.

As a matter of fact, the ONE time I actually got an answer, it left me shaking my head. It STILL does....lol

I asked her why she cheated on me and she said, with a completely straight face " Well.....you WOULD have!!! "

ah hem.. "you're" still the one choosing these women...

Well... there might not be "type" you can notice that would result in their cheating on you. However, there often ARE certain unseen "markers" either in their past behavior or history that may link them all togther, as well as be something you end up falling for.

But there IS a common denominator somewhere. You just have to find it.

people just love to make it about blame right away...

we all have a part in everything that happens to us, and whether we like it or not, it is not about the blame...it is about the lessons we learn from the mistakes we make...

I have always understood that "lesson" about being the common denominator as we are the only ones we have control over...we are the only ones that we can change...

so, even though we don't have responsibility for another persons' "flaw" there was something that we may have missed...something that we might have changed...

we can only look within ourselves...and sometimes there is nothing we recognize as a lesson..so we change nothing...


I could be wrong...

But the issue is why do you consistently pick them?

That is one of the dumbest statements that was ever made. I have been divorced twice and the circumstances of each were a lot different. That doesn't suggest I caused them to fail.

Did these relationships start by you pursuing them or the woman pursuing you?

I can't say about character flaws but I have noticed that many women who had pursued me prior to the relationship had also ended up cheating.


maybe this is why I see flirting as slutty hmmmmmm

I;m not denying that fact, Joy.

But what I am saying is that the comment I mentioned seems to lay ALL responsibility at the feet of the person in question. It doesn't take into account any other factors because it can't unless the person making the comment has been involved, personally, in the situation being spoken of.

If I knew that I would have stopped after the first one....lol

Hmmm...let's see....the first time we had know each other since we were kids and just kinda wound up together.

Second....I pursued.

Third....started talking online and wound up getting together. Mutual pursuit.

Fourth....can't really remember.

I was off to bed but this thread caught my eye so bare with me, I am tired.

I was in five failed relationships and the reason for the failure although cheating did happen was I attract addicts. The addiction causes many many issues including cheating.

I have done the codependency stuff and have evaluated my self for self esteem issues and so on and so forth but I still seem to be attracting addicts to this day.

I can't figure it out. I keep wondering if fate is not trying to tell me I need to be a drug counselor or something.

Just thought I would share so you do not feel so alone. You are not the only one who has this type of problem.

Most of the men were Cappies too...lol I don't know if that means anything either.

Bad luck? If that's the case, luck has to turn around right?

Don't believe that 'well you picked them, so something is wrong with you' stuff. I'm sure that there are a few out there that now regret doing that to you. Well, one can hope.