...that...

" It's better to have them hate you for who you are, than to love you for who you aren't. "

There are a whole lot of people in the world who will " be " what other people want them to be.

They will try to change themselves to suit what the people around them want.

Or...as in a case like a dating site...they will do everything they can to put their " best foot forward ".

They will be as charming as they possibly can, or as kind, or " nice "...

But they aren't really being true to who they are. They want to make an impression, so they do or say things that they normally wouldn't.

At times, you have to wonder how many people here say things on the forums or in their profile that they wouldn't normally say in person.

How many stay true to their own personality, be it good or bad, even if it were to mean they would not be likely to have anyone take interest in them because of it?

I try to stay true to my own personality

I am who I am- I don't ever pretend to be something Im not

This is the kind of thing I had never even thought about until after I'd been dealing with dating sites for awhile.

And I finally realized that "it is what it is" is ultimately the best policy -- for me, it doesn't make much difference, in the end, because there's no real "interest" happening, either way -- everyone finds me "intimidating," or they have no sense of humor, or they see me as useful if and only if they can turn me into a domesticated animal -- and I tend to see them, primarily, as monotonous, repetitive, homogeneous to the point of indistinguishability -- cardboard cutouts on a cardboard stage, a fire hazard of egregious proportions....

Why fake it? Is it any better to pull off a hoax for a few months than it is to pull one off for a week? But this is simple inertia.

"it is better to have loved and lost when they discover the truth
that to never have loved at all"

That's what I mean.

The opposite involved is going to find out anyway. Why be anything but what you really are?

it is too much work to pretend, IMO.

I have a hard time keeping my day straight when I am being me, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to pretend to be someone else!

I am not creative enough to be someone I am not...

It is truly bizarre.

I've talked to a number of people who seemingly have adopted a sort of "camouflage psychology" for this -- it's OK to lie, because the person will love them anyway, even after they find out they've been deceived. In the Grand Sceme Of Things, a little lie is permissible because all else will be so perfect.

Maybe it could work out that way for somebody. I don't know. I just don't think it makes any sense.

Consider the medium- if you do it properly, you can pretend to be anyone you want to be online, and if you do it long enough you might even start to believe your own lies. I don't believe everyone lies online, but quite a few do, and I admit I've done it myself. Everyone has different reasons for not telling the "whole truth" or for telling an outright lie.

As for lying on a dating site, that's a whole other thing- some people might not feel they'd be accepted for themselves if they present their true selves so they come up with a whole persona (this has happened to me in the past, it was pretty lame in the end), some people might be hiding something (a spouse, a history of bad behavior, etc. etc) and they know if they were honest, they definitely wouldn't get anywhere. And then you have the person who is just a freaking liar. I met a guy online once (not from here) and he begged me to go out with him. I kept putting him off and then I felt bad because he seemed sincere. So I went out with him. One of the biggest mistakes of my life. He turned out to be a liar, and a player, and then he turned out to be gay. Apparently, he was trying to not be gay, and I was to be a part of his experiment. Nice, huh?

My point is this- people lie. For whatever reason, they do. As for people being the same on here as they are in "the real world" well, I think I'm the same basically. I have an opportunity here to talk to people I more than likely would never talk to in real life, for whatever reason, but I'm the same. I'm upfront and honest, and I hate b.s. Unfortunately, not everyone can say that.

I don;t know how people have managed to become so deluded.

If they get found out, it's simply NOT going to work out. The good things really won't matter at that point because the good things weren't the real deal anyway.

Its part of my personality to strive to be courteous in an online forum, and to restrain myself from an uncensored expression of some of my opinions that might hurt people's feelings or arouse resentment.

I like people who are capable of being completely honest, but not those who share every opinion they have just because they have it, without any discrimination.

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As someone else pointed out, this form of communication allows the really dishonest people to have a party with fake profiles and fake personalities - I think we just have to accept that and take things with a grain of salt.

I dunno my friend..I think putting up fake pictures and shouting out to the masses how sexy I am is sounding better and better everyday.

I do so agree with you here. Some things are just better left unsaid.

oops....glitchy...sorry!

Ah yes! Beware the Shape-shifters!

All actions have consequences.

For example if you decide that wearing socially acceptable clothes is some how making you a drone and takes away all about you that makes you and individual then that is your reality. If you give clothes that much power you totally chose to take away your power to influence people with your personality and intelligence; not to mention your self control, teamsmanship, and ability to contribute to something that is greater than themself or even just is their cost for what they get.

Do I necessarily think that society has to be so oppressive that everyone has to be a cookie cutter version of each other. OH H*ll NO! I have been a hard core challenger of dress codes as much as 40 years ago. If you think I would ask any guy to wear a tie or a wool suit you are so wrong. But come on is it too much to expect a guy to put on a basic shirt and pants and underwear? Something clean, neat, and actually flattering. Is it really selling out to put on a shirt that doesn't accent your man boobs/belly and a hairstyle that proves you can't take fifteen minutes to groom yourself? Do you really need props to get attention?

I can't speak for anyone else but if I choose to be some where, take my money into a business, make an effort to fit into that environment yea I do kind of appreciate when the people there get with the program. Yea Mingle is free but the effort, emotional investment, and time isn't.

People that use avitars don't really get my attention unless they really stand out in the forums. If they are so totally lacking in self confidence to the process I might find them interesting to read but you are not going to get a hit on the romance level. I don't even read most matches that don't have photos. I figure if I have to put my face/body out there and take whatever has gone with that then I am playing by the rules and so should you.

Like coming on to this date site. Do you think it doesn't take effort and a certain amount of sacrifice for every person who writes a profile, gets photos, takes the time to participate in forums, actually wait for and answer mail? Do you think that sometimes they don't feel frusterated or humiliated or discouraged even bitter? How many of those people do you find yourself attracted too?

My question would be why do some people get to make a joke out of that effort? Just because a few people are jerks is that and excuse to whine and blame and pass the buck?

Please understand this isn't personal. I want that understood up front. But these kinds of comments are kinda what the OP is talking about. How many people who say this are being honest?

You did hit it right on the head right there. Although I personally know this lady is the genuine article, you do encounter people very frequently saying this. It goes back to the old adage for me......"Actions speak louder than words".

Very, VERY good call.

Think about this for a second, folks.

How many people would actually admit that they aren't being 100% themselves right now even if they really weren't. How many would admit to not being totally honest??

It's one of those things, like saying that looks aren't important, that no one will admit to when the opposite is the truth.