I Have a 7 year old daughter, and her dad and I are getting a divorce. She seems to be takeing it well enough so far, but we haven't been able to move out of the house yet, so things are pretty much the same. I don't know how she is going to do. She doesn't seems to mind the fact that she and I are going to live without daddy, but she looks upset when I mention that a few times a week she will be staying the night with her dad. We are VERY close and she and her dad really aren't.

I guess really I would just like to know what other mom's and dad's have done to make this part as easy for the kids as passible. Do we make her go to her dad's if she says no??? If she goes and wants to come home to me do we let her?? Any help would be great.

maybe forget about the sleeping over part until she is accustomed to visiting him in his own place and getting comfortable with the situation and the new setting?

if that's the only time she looks upset, maybe just focus on those fears for now.

It's a scary time for her, it will mean a different kind of reality that she can't imagine yet. The situation will evolve over time and it can be a good one for everyone.
Try to remind her that he is still her Dad, he still loves her, and that you will be Mom and you still love her.
Unless his living situation is truly dangerous or clearly not in the best interests of the child, visitation should be as frequent and regular as possible.

maybe reassure her, and arrange with her father, that if she needs to talk to you she can call.
i don't know, i don't have kids but my parents divorced when i was 10 and i never visited my father (step, but the only father i ever knew) after that.


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my x divorced about the same age in my sons life...he at first would go spend time with his dad..but he does not anymore...and no I don't make him...since his father has gotten remarried my son refuses to go over there..I have never talked down about his dad to him nor in front of him...so this is something he decided on his own..

Same here, my boys were 7 and 12 at the time of divorce. And if they wanted to spend the weekend with their dad on my weekends, I would allow them to. I tried to keep as much as possible the same, how we spent the holidays, ect.. It wasn't until my youngest turned 13/14 that he no longer wanted to go for the weekend with his dad, I didn't force the issue, his choice.

i guess i'm a firm believer in both the concept of having positive mother and father role models as part of the child's life, as well as acknowledging the importance of conflict resolution.

how do we expect our children to face the world if we allow them to hide/run from any issues they have?

i'm the adult and it is me who makes the rules; not my children.

So sorry for what you are going through. I really think each case is far too different and this should be something your husband and you discuss and figure out because you know your child better than any of us.


I divorced when my son was young, his dad loved him and I would never have let my child not visit his dad(in my case only though because his dad was a good dad). To this day, my son will still complain about having to be with his dad,,thats natural because his dad is the disciplinarian and I am the softy,,but that is still his dad who has every right to time with him as I do.

In the case of remarriage, I would make sure to talk to your child often about his treatment in the new family..sometimes kids just complain about what they arent used to(like mine did) but sometimes there are legitimate issues like abuse which need to be investigated and dealt with. Good luck...

I am a firm believer that children should have both parents in their life UNLESS one parent is a bad parent. My son never wanted to go to his dad's but once he got there, he always had a good time. I always encouraged him to spend as much time with his dad as he could, it is good to have that father figure in his life.
But when my son was 10 his dad did something that made me believe he was NOT a good parent. My son did not want to go to his dad's house anymore and I did not force the issue EVER again. Now my son is lucky if he hears from his dad twice a year. Its a shame that a parent can choose alcohol and a woman over his own child.
I think IF they are a good parent you should encourage your child to go. UNTIL there is a problem, the child should spend time with that absent parent.
Good Luck

The number one ting is to keep ensuring her that both you and dad love her no matter what, and that nothing changes how either of you feel about her.
In regards to the spending the night at dad's house, you need to enforce that, yes I say enforce, because by allowing her to not do so in the beginning will not help her get over her nervousness or fears in any way. By all means let her know she can call you whenever she wants (so long as it isn't every five minutes lol), but that she has to spend time with her daddy.
She MAY fight you and Dad on this initially, but it is something you as the parent are going to have to look her in the eye about and tel her that she has to do it, at least until she is old enough to make a rational decision herself (I would suggest following your states guidelines as for when a child can choose in court which parent they prefer to live with).
By the sounds of it, you don't have any reasons to be worried about her care while she is with dad, so make sure you enforce the visitation so that she knows her Dad. In the end she will thank you for it, no matter how unlikely that day seems to be coming, lol.

Thank you everyone.... I have a lot to think about. But just hear ya'lls stories and comments really does help

And don't fight with dad in front of her or say bad things about him around her....

lol, so true Lady, and forgive me for laughing, but I have to add that if you ARE going to discuss something concernig dad, make sure she is with grandma nad grandpa several miles away or something as good, as kids WILL hear what yuo say otherwise no matter how careful you think you are being ;-)

Good luck hun, and God Bless.