I have to say that it's not just men that do this. Women do the same thing too and its sad.

I had a friend that had absolutely no problem moving in on her friends husbands. When I said, aren't you friends with his wife, she said, "yes, so what does one have to do with the other."

I'm not friends with her any longer because in all honesty I would never trust her

I agree, if someone lies to their spouse, its hard to imagine they wont lie to their friends. honesty is key in all relationships.

I am with msharmony here. I'll give you a real life example:
A mother at my son's school have been divorced for a year or so now and her ex-husband has already moved to Indonesia. But they are still struggling to get the divorce legal, going through the horrible red tape of the Dutch judicial system.
Should we judge her if she is looking for a new love?

There are alot of variables involved...Whether it's financial, or just the fact that two people aren't sure they want to go thru with it...the latter is my humble opinion...I think when two people put getting a divorice on the back burner for several months, sometimes years, I think they aren't sure of this decision....
Hence, I would never date a married man not for just the reason mentioned above, but it's unethical, and lacks integrity...
You are defined by your actions more than your words...just my opinion..you handled the situation well...sorry you had to go thru that..but at least you know ahead of time..

If you want to date someone who is not yet legally divorced, go for it. I would not get involved, as I would not want to go through all the drama that comes along with getting the divorce. I don't want to go through the divorce with them.

At least he told you the truth. Most people that I have met haven't.

I guess ya might look at the other side of it.

She is doing her friend a favor and showing her what a dog her husband is, and what a hoe she is!
With friends like these.. Who needs friends!

My question is, why can't separated people grasp the concept that they are STILL MARRIED? I don't care what spin they put on it, they are still married. It's complicated? No it's not. They are still married.

A separated person is in fact married, but not in a relationship.

I was happily separated for close to 8 yrs, I chose not to get divorced just because I didnt feel like it. Was I married? Yes, did I lie about it? No. Did it impede in my dating? No.

OP - Not everyone is trying to get in your pants, granted most are, but just follow your own gutt. If you feel this person is being genuine or not only you know.

They are still married legally, they are not necessarily still living as husband and wife. Legally, I am a paralegal(because I earned the paperwork) but I have never WORKED in the field, so I would not feel comfortable presenting myself as one to anyone. The same is true of those who live their own lives even though they are documented as married.

I was 22 when I separated. I moved into my own home, paid my own bills, had no further romantic tie to my husband,,,legally I was still married and I understand that(just as I am legally a paralegal),,but my life was truly that of a single woman. I explained that to those I was involved with so there was no lack of honesty. Today, because I am born again, I would get the divorce first but I still do not consider those who dont get their split documented with papers to be horrible because of it.

To the two above, thanks for proving my point of the spin control separated people put on it. Separated Is married. Thank you.

anytime


legal separation n. a court-decreed right to live apart, with the rights and obligations of divorced persons, but without divorce. The parties are still married and cannot remarry. A spouse may petition for a legal separation usually on the same basis as for a divorce, and include requests for child custody, alimony, child support and division of property

another point,, some people choose the separation without court involvement similar to how some choose to pay support for their child without court involvement

not a very friendly comment, is it? Things in live are not always simple.

So what you're saying is, I don't know... is that the people are still married, right? Again, spin control.

I guess I would have to say that with all these thoughts that I am a hypocrite.. lol... Let me explain why I say this.

I am still legally married. I am also legally seperated, for 4 years now. We live in completely different homes an hour away from eachother.

We do not plan to ever live as a married couple again though. I date sometimes but I always tell people that I am legally separated and not divorced.

The whole reason I started this post was because the man was still married, not legally separated and they still live together.

It's not just men that do that, women do it too. I was asked out when i was younger by a woman going through a divorce, said after you date a few guys and the divorce is final come to me if you feel the same. I don't want to be the rebound guy or the revenge guy for past experiences.....

This is a surprising turn of events!

I dont understand. Where did anyone say differently. I think all have posted that separation is still legal marriage(but with the privileges of divorce).I posted the LEGAL definition, so even the law recognizes different 'states of marriage' as it were.

Well they did prove my point of the semantics some try to spin on what the truth of a situation is.

And yes, it is that simple. You are either married or you are not. It's called getting a divorce FIRST before continuing on like you are single and calling it a separation. One person said they were "separated" for 8 years. 8 YEARS! How convenient for them to continue to date while married and call it a separation. I, for one, would not drink that Kool Aid if someone fed that to me. But go right ahead.

Not really, it's there in my profile. I just figured that I had better point that out before someone else did. At this point I can not afford to file for divorce. Terrible excuse I know but it is a huge part of why it hasn't proceeded.