I respectfully disagree. It is horrible. There is no integrity in a person who dates while married.

The only exception I might consider is a 10 year separation due to technicalities. Even then I see red flags in the person's ability to take care of their business. Get it done for hell’s sake!

This is shameful behavior -- and regardless of what angle you see it -- people who date while married have issues which render them DAMAGED.

I appreciate the respect. IT is all in perspective. I feel integrity lies in honesty, if noone is being lied to, no integrity is lost.

So, two people who have agreed to go their seperate ways(without the legal paperwork to document it) , in my opinion, still have integrity when they move on to new partners.

Ah I see, so if someone robs a bank, but says they are going to, integrity is still intact because nobody was lied to?

I'm sorry if I disagree with your logic. I feel If someone is married and dating while still married, even if it is out in the open, is still dishonest because it is breaking the vow of loyalty and commitment of marriage itself. A promise was made and until the man is ACTUALLY divorced, he should hold off before pursuing another.

It breaks the promise, lies to spouse, and shows weakness of character. Keep this in mind, if he is willing to do this yet still being married, what's to keep him from doing the same to you?

Well, I think the marriage sitution involves a vow which makes it different than robbing a bank. Basically it joins two people, until or unless THEY decide otherwise. The promise you speak of is no less broken by a document of divorce and involves no less weakness.

For me, once two people are joined in marriage, it is THEIR decision(documented or not) whether to stay together and once they agree to no longer live as husband and wife,,they lose no integrity by moving on ...

I agree that one should hold off dating until divorce is final( I am adhering to that belief as we type) but I dont think it makes one horrible if they happen to move on emotionally before their finances or their time allows them to get a document of divorce.

By the way, robbing a bank involves dishonesty because it is taking something without the owners approval so I would not consider that an act of integrity.

I used the robbing a bank example only to try to express my point, I feel personally that most definitely an act lacking in integrity.

Oh absolutely someone can have a change of feelings while still married. I think we are both in agreement that divorce should be final. I disagree with divorce at all, but that's because of my "one mate in my life time" thing. If I blow it with my mate I will not see out another, not ever.

Marriage and it's termination Is indeed their choice, which is why I don't truly go on a warpath. However there is something to be said about shameful behavior. I don't know the whole story, but neither do you. This man could be the only one in his relationship how has any idea that a divorce is coming.

As for the vows of Marriage, I don't know their vows, but I know traditionally it says "til death do you part" , not "Til you grow tired of each other do you part".

I can see money delaying a divorce a little but, but not for almost 10 years. And no motivation to get a divorce? Sorry, but that wouldn't fly with me if I were interested in dating someone.

It was a definate learning experience. I give him credit for being honest. When I asked him what had happened, he again, honestly told me that he had "stepped out" on his wife more than 10 years ago and that she would never let him forget it.

Marriage/relationship apparently means nothing these days. Unfortunately I know this first hand.

I have to disagree. Even if you're being honest about being married and dating, you're still married and dating.

I also don't agree with this. Just because you had issues with a marriage doesn't mean marriage and relationships mean nothing and that every woman will be like your ex.

I agree that marriage doesnt mean as much to many as it used to. My disagreement is about the PAPERWORK however. The agreement to be or not to be together isnt dependent upon a paper or a legal document even. There are varying degrees of being 'together' which arent all covered by legal terms or documents. I was only suggesting that just like people can not be legally married yet be in a commitment. They can also be legally married and not be in a commitment. The documentation is ritualistic but not necessarily reflective of the honesty or integrity of the individuals invovled.

It's wide spread these days , it's not just me, look at the divorce rate. The world is a different place these days!

I agree with about half of this. The Paperwork doesn't matter, except that in our society one cannot legally marry if you are already legally married.

I Do agree that you can be in a committed relationship and not be married. I do not however believe someone who is married, legal or otherwise is not in a committed relationship. The only was that works is if they were somehow forced into their marriage, which kinda don't happen in this country anymore.

The documentation is nothing to me, but there is much to consider concerning one's honesty and integrity.

IT is a vicious circle. I battle with the issue of divorce because adultery was the only condition set as excusable in biblical times. However, there is a huge grey area because , for me, God is to be first,even before spouse. If a spouse is doing anything that is opposed to Gods word, I dont feel I can be both his helpmate in this activity and yet follow God. I have to choose God first. Therefore, if a man is going to abuse my children or abuse me(mentally or physically), this is against what Gods word says and I cannot stand by him in this. These conditions were not specifically outlined as excusable reasons to divorce, but I cant believe God would wish anyone to put their emotional, spiritual, or physical life in danger to literally live by the 'death do us part' vow.

Sure, it's different. However, you can't generalize and say those things mean nothing at all these days, as it's not like that for everyone.

my 2 cents is that he was honest. It might not be your thing to date someone who is separated and not divorced yet...nothing wrong with that. I don't want to date someone separated only because I would feel in the middle of something and I don't need that. This might be his way of dealing with things...to pick himself up and continue with life.

Who knows???? I don't know him or the situation.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with him other than the fact that he is still married. After talking to him I don't believe that he is ready to toss the towel in on his marriage. I think he is frustrated. He's a very nice man and he still comes in to see me at work. I very nicely told him that before he walks away from a person that still means so much to him that he should exhaust every resource before giving up. I told him I was very happy to call him a friend.

He sounds like a real catfish. How insulting!

IMO you did a good thing.

He is one of those who makes us rest of single guys with more suspicious women and loose from our chances.

Every single woman I talked to this year asked me if I'm married or not and many would be doubting when I said "no".