All you can really do, is talk to him.
Research what the local laws are, let him know where you stand.
He is old enough that he makes his own choices.
Figure out your stand & take it.
Tough love is as harder on you than it is on them.

Been there & still standing my ground.
The LAW is the LAW, wether we agree or not.

Yes, I think we do have a good relationship, I know it's peer pressure, the lure is too great, the pressure, you remember how it was to be a teen, I know if he gets busted it might do him in, he is basically a really good kid, (i know every mom says that, but he is) former high school football player who put his all into the game.

Actually that might not be a bad idea, hopefully I can find one he could relate too, thanks

I know you love your son but you are just making excuses for him. I did the sam thing and finally someone turned me in. It was the best intervention possible. He is going to go nowhwer without some hard truths. If you allow him to continue down this path then he could end up involved in a gang or worse dead. maybe him being in jail for a lil while will get him a dose of reality. a first offense and hes so young might not even give him that. if he wants extra money then get another job. I know this sounds mean and unfeeling but i was in the same situation and going to jail and seeing how my life was was a real eye opener.

I think that might be a good idea too.I heard they can do wonders with kids,just don't want it to go any farther with other drugs.I know that in New York a parent is responsibly for a child until he is 21.

The best thing you do is to report him to the police . arresting him will show him the hard way of things and he can also get help . remember once he gets addicted to either selling or using he is gone and you lose him to a world of imagination .

great first post. Sometimes a parent needs to use tough love

As some have already said, nothing you can do,
Calling the police on him for weed is about the dumbest idea I have seen.
Won't do anything but cause really hard feelings.

But just make it clear to him just how you feel about it, and that his given reasons for selling drugs is nothing but bullSH!T.
Maybe explain to him what life is really about and that money to play or show off with in all fake.
Eventually it will catch up with him, Make it clear to him that since he knows he is doing wrong, and that he knows you don't approve.
When he does get busted.. NOT to call you for bail.
Enough time in jail for doing stupid can be a great lesson learned!

You have missed one point, If he smokes pot... YES.. he is a pothead.

He has all of his own answers right now,,he will continue to do and be that in-which he feels is living and doing for him-self

He will get into trouble with the law, busted, by you or your husbands call,,,or through acts of selling which will probably catch him with AMOUNT,,,if the amount of see can be seen in your state as distribution amount,,he will face (depending) a long prison
sentence, THAT will be reduced if HE has no-prior convictions.
Then reprimanded into one of yours care, and placed on probation for maybe a year or two depending again on the judge, amount, and if your city he lives wants to make a point by showing them,,their tough,,,and then the judge goes for the max in the case.
If you give him the choice,,son,,I can't stand-by and wait for you to get arrested, I have talked to your father and the police, if you go into counseling now, and stop the pot,,thats all I ask.
If you refuse, then I will tell them to arrest you.
THIS scenario is EXTREMELY HARD TO MAKE AND DO,,as there will BE BITTERNESS AND HATE FROM HIM FOR DOING THAT TO HIM...
But IF YOU want to save him,,,from that arrest down his road,,which will stay with him for EVERY JOB and on his adult record for many years...and he would lose whatever job he has now(more than likely)
Then you have to get him to understand that he IS SOMEBODY, and HE
CAN Be whatever HE WANTS TO BE...This is almost like talking to a wall as to get him to see him doing that..wink
OR,,you can set back and allow him to go on doing what hes been doing already for to long...'
Take his chances and hey,,he might not get busted and his sells might grow and then hes the man and making all kinds of cash,,,THEN he gets busted and hes gone,,,way over the amount to put him away..
Its a bad road to travel to do any drug,,thats illegal, because they
KEEP HIM working behind the main faces and people in life that
could help him be a better person through knowing he could be one of them,,,,
He needs to FACE life not HIGH,,,,and then encourage to pursue a career,,,and the student loan program can work for him NOW,,but if he gets busted,,he won't be eligible for that..
I would at least now,,see where his dad's minds at with him getting high?
Then call some local agency that deal with drug conseling and TALK WITH THEM about him,,let them give you an idea of how he will be and do,,,and whats his best and your best to get accomplished for the LIFE living growth of him and you....
almost everyone turns to getting high because they feel inferior
or not-good-enough to what others have led them to think..
With some,,peers and presures all around him to turn to and smoke,,,
to change THAT, is to change HIM..better non pot friends to intruduce him to,, most churches have pastors who also consel, and some have their own treatment centers ,(but those cover different drug addictions) yet some,,will offer free conseling for ANY habits
I hope some or any of this helps you with him,,,as a man who has lost family through drugs,,,THEY SUCK,,,
sure pots cool,,,they say,,,and they say thats all I do,,,
but what got them to WANT to get high on pot their first time,,,also lays waiting for their FIRST try at someones peer presure for them to just give it a try man,,and when SOME DO,,,
THAT rules their life,,,meth, and crack,,,STEAL SOULS!
Good luck and email me if you ever need a friend to talk,,,
and all of this above,,,has been through living, NOT taught to me.

Nothing beats having a felony on your record.

Not always a bar/block to certain career choices, like ones that require a license but if you 'forget' to mention it and they find it, forget about it, you're though getting that license.

Reporting won't help him and they will put him in jail if they catch him...he understands his options. If he is a stoner, he knows
how this game is played. Let him know how your feel, that really is all, you can do mom, he's a grown up.
I didn't mean stoner in a dad way..my oldest is also one..he needs to be on medicinal use....which my state doesn't offer and he has been locked up for before.
Sucks..but he's gonna do what he's gotta do.
Pot won't be a felony...

If he needs the extra money, and that's the only reason he's a dealer for, then this is what you do if you want him to stop:

You tell him to stop. You tell him you'll give him every night $1000 to make up for his loss. They you raise the cash every night by hook or by crook.

I really like the idea of reporting him. If you report him now, he'll get up to ten years in penitentiary, right, that's true. But if you don't report him now and the law won't teach him of his errorful ways, then in two years he'll lying on your husband's driveway in a pool of his own blood, with his head optionally disattached from his bullet-ridden body.

These are the choices you face, and he.

all I can say is,,,wow. Well, as a mom, if this is something that he has started doing recently, I would sit down with him and his dad to discuss some alternatives that might bring him extra money. Take him to some eye opening environments, like the morgue or the court , and explain how you dont want to see him end up there. Find out someone , ANYONE , that he looks up to that isnt involved with the drugs and have them speak with him as well.

For this particular 'crime' I would not turn him into cops and risk his future,,but I would make clear my objections, my reasons for my objections and my faith in his ability to do well without this particular crutch.

It doesn't surprise me one bit that you seem to be advocating his cause, ah why not weed is harmless right, wrong.....the weed today is so far removed from the weed of the sixties it isn't even funny, they cut it with a variety of things, it makes people more violent, and those who come across the "wet" have been known to do some really off the wall stuff, you never know what you're getting or reselling these days, but that isn't even the gist of my problem with any of this, what example are you setting for you son and his sons and each generation after that.....all I can say is WOW, and we wonder why each generation seems to be getting worse and worse. Oh well to each their own I guess.

I dont see how talking to him and taking him to places like court and the morgue would be seen as Advocating. The example I set is that I dont want to see him ruin his future, so why would I do something that very well could do just that(like give him an arrest record). I have been around people who do weed,, TODAY, and it is no worse than the people who drink alcohol. I dont agree that anyones future should be ruined for this choice. I do understand that the law can choose to do hust that in order to deal with the issue. I just would not be willing to take that type of chance with my kids.

I would choose to deal with it another way, within the family, before the law gets their hands on what may be an otherwise wonderful kid.

What made him tell you this? Is he working for someone? If he is on his own perhaps you can try talking him out of it. If he is working for someone, then there's a far bigger problem.

I hope he comes to his senses before it's too late, but sometimes some people need a hard lesson in life to help keep them on the right path.

One thing about doing what you suggested.

He's a pothead.

He's probably gonna be stoned out of his gourd when/if she decides to take him to those places.

Which means, nothing she says is going to get through to him anyway.

I disagree with this. I found A LOT of pot in my house when my son was 17. It was seperated as if he were selling it. My ex brother in law is a District Attorney for Juveniles.

I called him and asked him what he thought I should do.
He said, he WOULD NOT under any circumstance turn him in. He advised me to get my son out of my house, which I did. I couldn't make him leave because he was a minor, but if I asked and he did, then I was no longer responsible for him.

My son and I didn't talk for months. He despised me. We still aren't that close, but it was a hard lesson learned for him.

I think avoiding him, telling him you don't want to know, will help a lot.


Edit, I will add, I don't mind people that are of age smoking pot, it doesn't bother me. But my own son was NOT going to be selling in my house. I could have been arrested if someone would have turned him in!

Well, I dont know what the definition of pothead is. I know very intelligent and productive people who casually smoke pot. They listen just as well as anyone else. I guess she knows her son better than anyone though. I felt like she was saying he is a casual user not an abuser.