What do you really think it means when someone says "it's not you, it's all me."

I was just talking to someone (who I had no business talking to anyway) who told me the reason we didn't work out is because he has all these back and knee problems and he didn't think he could handle me as far as folding and unfolding my wheelchair into his car.

So tell me how that has NOTHING to do with me?

I am well aware the guy has problems and have no intention of doing anything further with him. I just wonder what other people think when they hear that famous phrase.

Well i think that is just an easy way of saying that i am no longer intrested in you...or i am fed up of this relationship and i cant give in anymore! the phrase might just be used to satisfy urself and not feel guilty because it makes a person look as if he/she is the one at fault and it is because of him/her that the relationship is breaking.

So bottom line according to me... its just a nice way of saying the meanest thing!

Well.
I think it is them.

it is me

Yeah well always think possitive his back and things would be hard. And he can't think beyond his box his loss

I've never run into that. As far as they're concerned, it always IS me -- because I won't morph into my polar opposite. Makes me wonder why they even bothered to get involved with me in the first place -- other than the ubiquitous belief that it's their job to change me or "fix" me.

STAY STRONG FONTEYNE< STAY STRONG

It's Not Me... It's You!!!

"What do you really think it means when someone says "it's not you, it's all me.""

They haven't got the guts to tell you the truth.

This is a big cop-out line.

"It’s not you, it’s me"
"You deserve better"
"I need to focus on my career"
"We’re not on the same page"
"I'm not ready for a relationship right now"
............

They all mean the same thing; He/she's just not into you

I have said that a couple of times myself....and it was me I was talking about.. I think sometimes we are not ready to move on to another level and maybe shouldn't be on a date but I know that I was not ready when I said that...

I will have to admit I have in fact used that same line. Was it them noooooooooooooo in no way was it. It was due to I did not have the same feelings that I thought they were in fact having and did not want to lead them on any further...

Maybe it was not the best thing to say but........I would hate to know that I lead someone on just for my pleasure alone.......

its not you...(that I want to be with).. Its me (wanting to be with someone else)...

Very true!

I can only speak from my point of view...

I have used that phrase with women before...

What I meant was, "You're a really nice lady. I enjoy you as a friend, but I just can't go there with you."

Some would call it chemistry. Myself, if I like someone but they just can't "turn me on" - not saying "excite me" as in emotional or mental, but rather in a physical sense - I have to turn them down.

So, if I think you are a great person but you can't give me a woody....yeah, it's not you, but me.

Just being honest.

All has been said, sorry for your loss girl, but that's it: he was too chicken to tell you the honest truth, so he put down a smoke screen and disappeared... better you know now than later.
...Don't know how hard you're struck, but go spoil yourself, give yourself time and move on...

ptttttt its never me!

I have thought about this line over the years, and I do think that there is no hurt-proof way of breaking off with someone or telling them you're not interested. There are people who are so callous or rude and would just disappear with no explanation. Some would just send an insensitive and brief e-mail or text message. I even heard of someone announcing it on a Facebook page, which I thought was quite mean.

So I think people use the "It's not you, it's me" line because they think they are being more humane about the whole thing. The person saying this may not actually want to hurt your feelings or maybe he doesn't want to feel responsible for the pain he thinks you'd feel. It may also be due to the fact that he doesn't want to be more specific as this would make him look shallow as a person.

Having said all this though, I have used the phrase before, but not because I was not interested or I wanted to get rid of the person. I said it because I wanted to leave the door open for choices on the other party's side. It's like saying, ok, this is me, here is the situation. Now decide if you'd like to continue the path with me or not. When I said the phrase, I also presented reasons as to why.

There are different reasons why people say this particular phrase at all. I think it all boils down to intent and sincerity, and no matter what we say when one is not ready to commit and the other wants to continue, he or she will be hurt. There is no avoiding that. The challenge will always lie on how to get your message across humanely without sugar-coating the truth, using platitudes or stringing them along.

Just my two cents.

Wow, didn't mean to abandon this after posting. Just busy yesterday. Ya know.

Very good input here. I agree with most. This particular person, I have posted about before so it is no big surprise he didn't think things through. I just thought it was kinda backwards how he said it was all HIM and then proceeded to say all these things he had to do for ME. Kinda contradicting imo. But whatever. His loss.

I have never personally used the line but I guess I have used similar. I usually tell people, "I am not looking to commit right now because I need to get my own life back in order before I can even think about anyone else." Which is 100% true at the time. I have things in my life right now that make it very hard to concentrate on anyone else.

id have to agree with this one suz....