I would like to here some honest opioions on this. I've been able to give this advice but when I try to follow it myself, I hasn't worked out to well. Maybe I'm just to hard on myself or maybe I'm just thinking that one day it could possibly happen for me, like I've seen it happen for others. I'm a single mother and I guess I'm just wondering why a single guy would want to try to start a relationship with someone that has a child. I've been through a lot over the last couple of years and over coming the hardest times is what helped to makes me stronger. I would like to be in a relationship once again but to even try and meet someone new is a challenge for me. I just can't figure out why a guy would want to date a single mother. Can anyone explain this a little, please. Thanks :)

it may not be a concious decision or choice he makes

he sees you as a woman - while it sounds like see yourself as a "mom"

he wants to date you because to him you are a woman who he is attracted to that happens to have a child - nice thought, no? To be seen for your "womaninity"

oooo I think I just made up a new word

Why wouldn't he? You're still a woman.. You're still human.. People date and fall in love with women/men with children all the time... It's about the person you are and the person he is that is going to matter, NOT if you have a child or not....

And it's an interesting word.. :)

It just seems like guys are fine with the single part but not the mother part.

I'm sorry that's not what I got from the OP.. If they're not fine with the mother part then they aren't worth your time... Don't waste time thinking or wondering.. The right person will be ok with your being a single mother...

As a guy, I know that single "mothers" don't scare me off. Actually all the women I've dated in the past few years have been single moms. Might be because I'm getting older and looking for a woman who knows how to care for other people, good mothers have to have that ability.

I think it is more the fact that it is hard to "date" a single mom, especially if they have their kids all the time.

As for the thinking it won't happen to you, I think everybody has that feeling at some point in your life. I've been engaged twice and I know after the second broke things off with me I felt like I would never meet the "one". But, I have dated since then, and even though they didn't work out I know that the chance is still there and I have learned through experience that it will happen when you least expect it to. I would have to say the best way to overcome the thoughts/feelings that are involved try and do stuff that gets your mind off it. Hit the gym, go for a run, spend time with your kids and enjoy them while they are young. It's all a matter of doing what you need to do to be happy with you. I'm very codependent, but I've been single since October and really I haven't been looking too hard for another relationship. I've been focused on getting back into excellent shape and getting my career where I want it to be.

Just stay strong, focus on you, and let the other stuff come when it comes. Lord knows, trying to force something just creates more stress in life.

honesty (don't rage all over me, just ignore me if this offends you):

you need to have something that separates you from other girls instead of relying on dumb chance/circumstance/looks to carry you through if you want a guy that's worth a long run with (as many single girls do indeed rely on in my experience: many guys will stick with a girl out of how things just end up after the initial attraction of the aforementioned criteria. Many girlfriends of mine (friends who are girls who share with me their evil tactics of getting the best guys or competing with other girls) for instance don't vary much in terms of being competitive and somewhat malicious instead of striving to become beautiful souls. They tend to be wrapped up in the material world/self centered and they have schemes in which anything they do that may appear to be altruistic or truly caring are really actually contrivances to end up with selfish ends. This causes them to appear somewhat the same in the eyes of guys. So the guy ends up simply picking the best looking one out of the bunch or basing his decision on something else other than the special real true love he might feel for someone he sees something exceptional in)

if he sees something unique/special and beautiful in you (possibly character wise) that's going to be the likely thing to make him see past ANYTHING for the diamond he sees in you

THEN AGAIN:

There are SO MANY types of people out there now, you actually probably won't have any problem at all as long as you don't confine your hunting grounds

No offense, but the reason women rely on dumb chance is because having a plan makes a person the kind of coniver I wouldn't want to know and certainly has characteristics I wouldn't want to have.

Life is a chance, living is a risk, and anything else is imaginary bull.

Sleepless, just be upfront. The right man won't give a happy horse-pocky if you are a mom. Mom's have a life too and sometimes you have to date a few douches to find the right one. Just like any lady.

Thanks, that's what I've been thinking about. :)

that's the fun part about being a parent, children change the way that life is. I've juggled being single and being a mother and putting it all together. I've always been very independent, even when I was in a relationship. I don't want to loose that part nor do I except to find someone who thinks that they will loose that part of their life. I've been at this for two years already, my daughter does come first and I did find some friends or so I thought but the friendships were short lived. I work out a lot and I'm staying in good shape as well. I'm getting my new career off and started but at the end of the day it would just be nice to share a few things with an adult. I can only share so much with my daughter. Thanks for your opionion. It's appreciated. :)

Why would any of this offend me. I've never been nor do I plan on resorting to any tactics to be with anyone. I had one friendship brake-down all because I didn't prefer to wear jeans, if you can believe that.. lol Then the same guy had the nerve to start stalking me because I lost interest after the whole jean thing. I met him shortly after my relationship ended with my childs father. I told this guy that I was only interested in friendship and he was ok with it for a few months but then started to develop feelings and I couldn't hurt him like that. This guy even moved 5 blocks from where I lived at the time. So I dealt with his stalking and my ex's harassment at the same time. Maybe this is why I'm starting to loose faith in finding someone.
I know what makes me unique, I'm not self-centred, I can and will stand up for myself(when I need to), I actually listen when someone is talking with me and give feedback based on what I hear, I accept responsibility for my actions and if I have ever hurt anyone around me, then I accept the consequences of my actions. :) I don't play mind games and I say what I mean. example My yes, means yes and my no, means no. Sorry, did I mention that I really love writing.. lol.. btw, I've seen how a few females act and it turns my stomach, I guess that's why I prefer male friends. No offence to any females on here, I was just speeking from the gf that I used to know. :)
Thanks for your thoughts, they are appreciated.

Thanks for the imput. Just having a few as friends was more then enough for me to handle.. lol

some men enjoy being parents just like they enjoy being soulmates, a child will not be something they see as a hindrance but an extra bonus


and many men are single but also parents themself and welcome sharing those responsbilities with someone else,,,

I tried that, but got tired of hearing how the other parent was more to blame, even though they shared how their own actions lead to the brake-up as well. Maybe they just weren't ready to leave their pasts behind them yet. Hopefully one day they will. :)

From what I have learned in two years of talking with different single parents was the fact that they didn't have much time. Which I could understand because of my own circumstance but I figured out how to make the time

I guess you have to look at it from your own perspective.

If you met someone and you liked them, would their having a child change your mind. .
I love children, my last partner had 10, not a big deal as I have 6 so a couple more didnt really change the household that much..

The man I am going to marry is taking on those 6 children plus he will also have to be a grandpa as the eldest is pregnant, which she happily woke him at 3 in the morning to tell him. so he will take on the responsibility for the whole mob., they will see him as the father figure in their lives, not because he was their biological father but because he will have a huge influence on their lives just by being there, so yes whether he wanted that or not he has it The poor thing And as my munchkins have a huge extended family they will just expect him to be Dad and be there for them, whether it is to talk about puberty, which they already do, or just for someone to talk to in the middle of the night.

Dont worry about why he would take you on, worry about whether he is good enough to trust with your child.

He has one boy, and he will be just another one of the tribe, I love him because he is his Dads son, for himself as well. but it is just like loving my own children, you dont have a choice you just love them. I know that sounds like I haVE TO LOVE MY CHILDREN, AND THEY ARE EASY TO LOVE MOST OF THE TIME BUT AT TIMES i WOULD LIKE TO KICK THEIR BUTTS AS THEY ARE HORRORS. bummer I am rambling here.

However, check out your man, if he is not interested in children dont bother.
If he doesnt have time or patience, dont bother.
There are people out there who do not mind having children already there, yep it would be easier if there where none, but it doesnt change things if it is the right person.
Just remember that the person who you bring home will have a bigger effect on your child then you, so chose wisely do not just be carried away by emotions , if you see something that may be a problem address it.

anyway I guess this wasnt really your question.

But the reason that someone would accept you with a child is because they love you, and in loving you they will take on your child as their own. If they cannot do that then they are not for you.

If you have to ask, it's probably best if you don't know.

haveu tried seeking other single parents/men who also have kids

or who object to you having them? don't worry about the rest