...sometimes you are considered rough??



better than always being bl8ant

u see my best truth finder is eye contact
the eyes of a person don't lie.
most of the time people are saying things with their mouths but their eyes are saying another totally different thing.
A person has to be hell of a lier for me not to realize that they are lying, through their eyes.
I don't have that tool at hand online.

believe nothing of what you hear and half of what you see is fine for a deaf person with an eye patch. Other than that it is advice obviously given facetiously.

wow i like this topic..

it provokes a whole slew of thoughts in my head.. ill try and stick to the topic..

first off, i have had people try and drag me into their random gossip "beneth the threads" as you say.. and i tell them that they are entitled to their opinions, but i still like the preson and till they screw me over, they will remain my friend.. this is also my out lok in "real life" people are not always by nature 2faced, or mean, but there are some people who bring this out in them, and some people are... i honestly have a hared time telling the difference.. and generaly have to get burned b4 i learn,,, sometimes more than once.. one "friend in particular cons me more than anyone else.. but ive known her since 3rd grade, and i remember her like we were then, not like she is now.. i have the tendancy to look for the good in people and pretend the bad isnt there..
off topic.. going back now..
this "fanticy world" here in jsh... to some people is just that.. imaginary, not real, and to these ppl we are just pretend people who have no real feelings, and so they can play whatever games they wish... but to the rest of us, we are as real here as in real life..

i have had friends who tried to suck me into their gossip, and i refused, but at the same time i have been known to do the same in my real life.. gossip is a hard thing.. sometimes we dont even realize we are doing it till much later when it is much to late...

jsut my thoughts..

Native - your particular issue may not qualify as gossip.
However, as a rule, if someone is in immediate danger of
being serioulsy hurt then i think you have a *responsibility*
to speak up.

My comments about truth as a defense were general in nature and there are many examples where someone may have mentioned something true which might even appear harmless but causes greivious damage.

What amazes me is how fast gossip can travel. I guess I am slow. It is like if I can borrow Windy's (a person from another site) terminology 'dayum' you already knew. My friend at work who is fixing to leave our home (nursing) was asking me a question and I didn't know the person she was asking about was hiding behind the door. It was funny because the person behind the door said she agreed. Have you ever had that feeling someone knew what you were going to say before you did? Another friend of mine at work told this resident if he had a problem with him just to remember his name and then he gave her my name. Gossip can travel like wildfire and can be just as hard to contain and put out.

Bl8ant, I admire the way you handle the topic of gossip with your children and more than that, I did the same with my son.

I have always believed that gossip ceases to be gossip, when one gleens from the information at hand, a danger or a threat of harm to person or persons or life. Part of what I tried to teach my son is that when those alarms sound, it is time to determine how best to deal with the information.

Creating more gossip is not the answer. Sometimes we can not approach the person to whom we fear is in harms way or in danger. These are the most difficult situations, for in these situations we must often risk "the betrayal factor". To betray a friend or a confidence for a good reason, is no betrayal at all. What I told my son many years ago, is that fear of being seen as a betrayer is a selfish act, for in the end is it better to say or do nothing? Or better to risk being given that title for the sake of someone's life? Can you live with the title knowing that you saved someone from great harm? Or would you give the life of a friend to save face with a friend?

There are many little things in our lives that we have to go through to learn and grow. A broken heart, putting your trust into the wrong person, doing something wrong that you think you can get away with. We all need these experiences, we all need to learn responsibility for our actions. So in the case where harm, will be a slight inconvenience or a slight emotional drama, I suggest allowing what will be to be. It is only in the case where a small infraction can become a danger to ones life or total emotional well being that I would intercede.

For the rest, sometimes people just want to talk, and when I hear the gossip, I usually shake my head and and say something like - 'will you listen to yourself, do you want to be judged by others based on he said, she saw?' I love it when someone gets rosie cheeks after I've said that and agrees with me. Then no more is said.

I never say anything I would not say to the persons face.Gleaning information to make an informed decision is one thing,spreading a unsubstatianted rumor about folks is a bad thing.

I agree Jax...Spreading things to hurt someone is far different than just being honest about something truthful...I even use that sparingly...It depends if it is my place to say anything...In my scenario...MOST certainly it would be!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just try to worry about me...what others do doesn't generally excite me enough to dwell on it long enough that I would have to tell others about it!!!!!!!!

We should all remember what mom always said, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" !

I agree ... nice to see you.

That is what I meant by letting my integrity and intention guide me.

just as a matter of making things clear.
if i said these kind of sites are a fantasy world, I did it because we are just able to read feelings all over the threads. Instead of seeing and feeling what we express in a writen manner.

TLW

we just went through the whole he said she said bs at my job amongst managers of all people.. we had an hourly associate running between us starting stuff and gossiping... it was right around my b-day.. I got sick of it and went right to the store manager.. i told her I felt like I just turned 15 not 25 and that I was coming to high school every day.. not work.. she held a managers meeting and threatned to either fire us or transfer us if we couldn't get along.. her suggestion was that if some came up to us and said "poohbear so and so said that you didn't get your work done" to tell that person if so and so had a problem with me they could come tell me themselves.. and just ignore it... otherwise I just go straight to the person and ask them flat out.. so that way the story's not being changed 5 different times.