If you'd read the new book from Steve Harvey "Act like a lady, think like a man". He talks about the 90 day rule.


Steve says to really understand a man’s intentions; women should make the men they are dating wait 90 days before they have sex.

“The biggest mistake that women make is they find out the information too late. You find out he’s married too late, you find out something’s wrong with him, he’s not really working, he’s not really a committed-type guy,” he says. “You can get this figured out in 90 days if you give yourself a chance, but once you commit yourself physically to a guy, you become emotionally involved, and you try to force it to make it work because ‘I slept with the guy.’ And you end up dragging yourself through the mud with a relationship that you really need to get rid of.”

Women: Do you think it’s reasonable to ask a man you’re dating to wait 90 days before having sex?



“If you’re looking for a lifetime commitment, what’s 90 days? You’re trying to have something real,” Steve says. “Now, if you just want to have a fling, then knock yourself out. Most guys, we don’t want to take home to our mothers the loosey-goosey babe. We’re not taking you down off a pole in a strip club and taking you home to our mama’s house. That ain’t what we’re looking for!”

Men: Would you stick around 90 days before having sex with the woman you’re dating?

I believe I know what the guys are going to say.
What say ye men, women, is it a good rule?

Mom taught me few things. one of which is "Robert if something is worth having, it's worth waiting for." If i had only been wiser younger .......

As for time frames, i agree some time is best before sex for one simple reason. If you are there for the relationship the sex is not a for front factor. It's about the quality of what you do and whom you are doing it with that make's it special.

And when that time comes, all hell breaks loose!! lol

I do not agree though on a time frame (for me i'll know when ) unless you find you lack the control on making good decisions when it comes to sex. Then perhaps you do need to set a personal time frame on it.

And as to answer the question, if that is when it is meant to be it will be. So yes i can see that. Now if you are going to ask me if i have used such restraint in my past, No i have not.

However the last first date i had i did not kiss her when i could have. As i told her "I am not looking to define a moment, i will know because the moment will define itself." And this i believe.

it sounds a little like what I have been doing subconciously anyway for all the reasons he states

and it does depend on what I am looking for from the guy, and I agree that 90 is just a rule of thumb - it could be 30, 25 or 63....

mostly it gives me time to discover if he is a player - if he can;t talk with me or date me for 90 days without being a player, that is a subject for note. Usually they say that it is because there is no commitment. Well maybe not, but he has to realize that once we start talking we're going to be noticing how the other behaves - including any predispositions toward fidelity or infidelity - so there is a difference to me, anyway, talking to multiple men, and once one of them becomes "special" the nature of the communications with the others changes.

I don't follow rules when dating. If it feels right, go for it. Plus, waiting 90 days? That's way too long. If a guy did that with me, I'd think he wasn't interested.

Did you get the second date, or did she think you weren't interested?

I wonder how often the anticipation of sex is better than the sex itself.....


I get a thrill out of all the non sexual stuff, like kissing, hugging, fondling, and even talking about our interests sexually

, those are nice fillers that show interest without having to go 'all the way' with anyone,,,

I get a thrill out of all that too, which causes me to go all the way. So until I get to know more about him and spend some quality time it's best I not touch or be touch.

No, because we're already broken up by then.

Steve's book was a good one, read it last year or a while ago at least.

It was a good short read.

Anyway, remembering that Steve is an average heterosexual male, he is portraying what he considers to be a time frame that will make a man respect a woman. He believes that if she can hold out this long then she is respect worthy in his eyes so he is projecting that out onto other men. Not saying bad, just saying it is an assumption he is making.

With women going through the revolution that is still happening, women are free now to discover themselves sexually without the "restrictions" of marriage or even social out casting as in times gone by.

Older men especially do not know what to do with this except to feel it is wrong at some level. Not making it wrong but they don't understand the change in social control.

So after considering all of that.

Setting a time limit for the discovery of who each person really is, is actually the important factor here.

It is easier to "play" others if others will play sooner. Just a thought.

Also during the discovery time, it is not wise to put all eggs in one basket, in my humble opinion, so to see about fidelity in the first few weeks is really not an option. Deciding when you are going to be exclusive with each other should be a discussion and mutual agreement. Not in the first weeks though, I wouldn't think.

Steve Harvey did a good job I think in helping to decipher the way a man's mind works for women who struggle with it.

It also helped those women who are wandering through this "revolution" of sexual freedom with no idea how to set personal boundaries, set some or get ideas on how to set some.

Hummm 90 days they say hell most the time if your really interested in them you can find all that stuff out within the first 30 days.

Normally within the first couple of weeks you can find a hell of a lot out if you only ask.

Just make sure if you have a gut feeling something is not right then most likely it is not and check it out...

Or if it seems too good to be true then most likely it is...

Myself I go with the way things feel and if there is any chemistry... Cause as far as I'm concerned sex is part of the whole package you have to enjoy each other in that area as well..

But I don't put a time limit on anything I do in life. Each case is different. Don't rush into things but don't go over board either. Know what you want and if it is not there then move on.

Communation is a big factor never assume everything ask them. And if you feel they are avoiding your answers or beating around the bush check it out farther.

I assure you that you can date someone for years and still not know everything about them...

Guidelines are good to have but at times they should be adjusted to the situation.

I know one guy has responded, but no others have. What do guys actually think about this rule? If a woman you were dating wanted to wait 90 days for sex, would you stick around?

Truthfully, if it was someone I really liked, and if I felt there was a realistic possibility that it could turn into something meaningful, I'd have no problem with it. Sex is just not that important to me in the Grand Scheme of Things. And it's certainly not as important as maybe finding someone I really click with.

Yes. If I really cared for her.

Prolly, you know some women aren't use to a man showing respect like that. Did i mention i gave her dozen roses and open doors? Just being me.

I


And there was chemistry but again for me timing is everything, and i am at a point in my life where i understand things a lot better now then say 10 years ago.

It's refreshing to know their are still Men like you...

Runs in and hands Rhon a , Sorry i did not realize you were peeking over my shoulder

Are those who kiss on the first date not showing respect?

I did not say that. You do what works for you, kiss the guy when you think it's right and that's all that matters right?

I was asking because of the "you know some women aren't use to a man showing respect like that" comment.