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| Topic: Am I missing something? | |
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Forgive me if this subject matter is being covered in another topic but I wasn't about to wade through 400 odd pages of topics to check!
So anyway, my problem / question / thing is... Why do almost all women on internet dating sites go completely silent when asked if they would like to exchange email addresses or mobile phone numbers? I am sick to death of it! Ok, I can understand there are certain security issues thrown into question by giving out personal contact details but all they have to say is "no" or "maybe later". Anything at all would be better than silence! But no, they just don't speak again. I've given up even bothering to ask if I've scared them... and the ones I HAVE asked just read it to mean that I'm insecure or possessive or some nonsense! I'm damned either way! The grander point being I have absolutely no desire to conduct any relationship entirely through a computer. As far as I'm concerned, the only way to get to know someone for who they really are is to do it face to face in person. What's more, I think it's important to do that fairly early on so that all the would-be misconceptions get avoided. I can't be the only one who thinks this way (Can I?) Are these women so infantile that they just can't say no and continue as before without feeling awkward? Are they in actual fact so unattractive that they use a stock photo instead of their own and are afraid of being found out? Are they just terrified for the sake of being terrified? For whatever reason it happens, I find it truly pathetic and would very much like it if people like that would stop wasting my time. In the meantime I'd seriously appreciate it if some of you would chip in your thoughts... If you're a bloke, does this happen to you? If you're a woman, are you guilty of it yourself? If so why? |
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Not guilty here. If someone asks for my personal email or phone number and I am not ready to give it to him, I will simply say that I think we need to send a few more emails first. If he is not happy with that then that is the end of the conversation.
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Don't recall ever having that problem. I never asked for any of that info right off the bat either though (however, quite a few have volunteered numbers to me in a first or second message...). My guess is that you're having that issue because there's WAY too many scammers out there (which is one reason I never gave out my info till after talking online after a while).
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If it is within the first few e-mails most likely they are scammers that are asking for it.
Myself I do not give out my personal e-mail addy they can e-mail here or forget it... If they are livinig within my area and I suggest that we meet and they still ask for my e- mail addy most likely they will not hear from me again. Due to they don't seem to read what I just typed to them.. Before I give out my number it will be because we have e-mailed here for a bit and then they can give me theirs. Then I will make sure it is even in the area they say they live.....if not I don't call..  The way I look at it if they live close we can meet up for some converastion if not then it ain't gonna happen anyway...
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Unless I have known someone a LONG time
via internet, no numbers are exchanged. It's a flag. If you must know why, it is because I have no interest in meeting someone, until i have developed a letch for them. Or at least some mild attraction. Up until then, if the mingle mail is not good enough, I consider that their problem. I have a stack of friend requests. But as I do not know them, they sit in limbo. I don't reply because it encourages them. What I will do, once, is advise them to wander the forums and contribute. TO GET TO KNOW PEOPLE. I simply do not admire the concept of sending every single female an email just to see what turns up. No class. I understand completely you are playing the odds. You have a better chance with the lottery. It's not a meat market where the choice is all yours. Making someone feel special will open the door. Demanding numbers closes it. |
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One - why are you assuming almost all women do this based on the ones you've contacted?
Two - how quickly are you asking for email addresses and phone numbers? |
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Edited by
2KidsMom
on
Fri 09/02/11 10:17 AM
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JMO..Because Ive been scammed ..stalked..and used.
I agree..It is an automatic CREEP OUT for me, if done to quickly. If I get any kind of *internet creepies* thats it..  I have to have the *Warm Fuzzies* for you, before I give mine out.  |
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I don't even try to ask..
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Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Fri 09/02/11 10:16 AM
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I can only speak for myself but I imagine those women you speak of probably realize you want different things and move on. Who wants to argue about that? Why would you continue to ask to exchange numbers if that has been your experience? Asking for numbers is not the only way to show someone you're interested in them.
I don't like to exchange numbers right away. Why not take advantage of the dating site email? That's what it's there for, is it not? I never exchange numbers when I am first getting to know the person, even face to face. I don't let the online getting to know period linger out and usually meet right away or stop all together but I never ever ever exchange numbers. So... I would have to say, I'm not guilty at all. 
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For whatever reason it happens, I find it truly pathetic and would very much like it if people like that would stop wasting my time. Why dont u put head note on your profile...surely it will work if u really wish to. |
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Wow! I hadn't expected nearly so many replies so soon! Thanks to everyone so far for the input.
Lots of good stuff I'm reading... a couple of you seem to have missed the point though, so I want to clear a few things up First, as soufiehere read into it, I'm not playing the odds, so sorry but you really don't understand as well as you think you do! If I meet someone who I seem to get on with I instinctively want to meet them and find out if there's any real-world chemistry. That can't be done over the internet, plain & simple. I could spend months getting to "know" someone online only to discover that when I meet them they are not the person I think I know. Been there, done that... it's a letdown and can be hurtful for both parties. And so this is where the misconceptions pop up... we don't know each other but already you seem to think I'm a player and already I perceive you as a bitter man-hater... all because of a few words typed on a page. That's exactly what I want to avoid because you're probably a lovely person and you might just end up coming to the same conclusion about me! My point being it's just too easy to judge someone wrong when the only real thing between you is a computer screen... hence I like to meet people early on. Second, my apologies to singmesweet if you are offended by my somewhat brutal turn of phrase ("Almost all women...") What I probably should have said was "almost all the women I'VE MET..." I say this now because it is my experience. Obviously I can't say it about every single woman on every internet dating site because I haven't met them all & I'm sure there are plenty out there who wouldn't do the silent thing. Anyway, I'm sorry if you thought I was stereotyping women. In answer to your other question, there's no given point at which I tend to ask to exchange numbers etc or meet up... I do it when I feel like the other person might respond well to being asked. There's no saying when that can be but I make a lot of effort to gauge how keen she seems before I bring it up. It's not like "Hi, can I have your number darlin!" I'm usually quite a perceptive person and would know face to face if someone was interested enough to trade numbers but when body language is removed from the equation to be replaced by Sans Serf it becomes virtually impossible to get a vibe. Quick nod to 2KidsMom: I know what you're saying as I've been scammed plenty myself. Perhaps what I'm actually trying to find out with this thread is how to show to someone that you're not a scammer or some weirdo stalker/pervert. Way I see it that's just not completely possible until you meet in person. Bit of a vicious circle really and a gamble for both parties whichever way you cut it. Gamble little, gamble big; what's the difference?! Last for now (but not least); prashant01... I like your thinking. Straight to the point! I haven't got around to filling in my profile on here yet but I will and I'll take your suggestion. Thanks. Sorry if I missed on anyones viewpoint. I AM taking it all on board but this reply is getting way too long so I'll cut it here for now. |
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nice
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Nice? Wha... which part?
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Edited by
soufiehere
on
Sat 09/03/11 06:05 AM
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First, as soufiehere read into it, I'm not playing the odds, so sorry but you really don't understand as well as you think you do! If I meet someone who I seem to get on with I instinctively want to meet them and find out if there's any real-world chemistry. That can't be done over the internet, plain & simple. I could spend months getting to "know" someone online only to discover that when I meet them they are not the person I think I know. Been there, done that... it's a letdown and can be hurtful for both parties. And so this is where the misconceptions pop up... we don't know each other but already you seem to think I'm a player and already I perceive you as a bitter man-hater... all because of a few words typed on a page. That's exactly what I want to avoid because you're probably a lovely person and you might just end up coming to the same conclusion about me! My point being it's just too easy to judge someone wrong when the only real thing between you is a computer screen... hence I like to meet people early on. Easy to see why you are so unsuccessful. You ask for an opinion, it was given I referred to my own experience. (Except the mailings, which you stated you did.) You start the name-calling immediately. No one judged YOU. Quite the opposite. Already we know what kind of person you are. Thanks, saves a few people, a lot of time. Don't ask questions you don't want people's opinions of. |
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Nice? Wha... which part?  May be he is saying nice to your act of addressing all!! Good job done,dude!! 
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Regardless how or when one ask for another personal information and taking that next step. It all comes down in the way you do it.
Don't rush into it but then it should not take 6 months either. If one lives close enough just set up a place & date that is very public during the day to meet and chat in person. Meeting others face to face one can determine a heck of a lot in a much shorter time. Then if there is a reason a second meet can be set up to see if one wants to go a bit farther. |
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The grander point being I have absolutely no desire to conduct any relationship entirely through a computer. As far as I'm concerned, the only way to get to know someone for who they really are is to do it face to face in person. What's more, I think it's important to do that fairly early on so that all the would-be misconceptions get avoided. I can't be the only one who thinks this way (Can I?) No offense bro but, I disagree completely. You may not have the desire to establish and build a relationship with some of these really good women. But, that is exactly what you gotta do before anyone can trust ya. (Mingle) Did you think you would click the "send" button and a woman would show up in half an hour? You would wait 6-8 weeks through the postal service for a damned decoder ring. Ya just gotta be patient bro. The more you can carry on a conversation in the forums...the more active chicks can see you and what you say. When they are comfortable, then you can ask or they will just flat out give you contact info. Let's face it...the internet is blind and random....if you were to be in a convenience store and someone just walked up and wanted your e-mail and phone #...I would hope you wouldn't give it to em. |
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Wow! I hadn't expected nearly so many replies so soon! Thanks to everyone so far for the input. Lots of good stuff I'm reading... a couple of you seem to have missed the point though, so I want to clear a few things up First, as soufiehere read into it, I'm not playing the odds, so sorry but you really don't understand as well as you think you do! If I meet someone who I seem to get on with I instinctively want to meet them and find out if there's any real-world chemistry. That can't be done over the internet, plain & simple. I could spend months getting to "know" someone online only to discover that when I meet them they are not the person I think I know. Been there, done that... it's a letdown and can be hurtful for both parties. And so this is where the misconceptions pop up... we don't know each other but already you seem to think I'm a player and already I perceive you as a bitter man-hater... all because of a few words typed on a page. That's exactly what I want to avoid because you're probably a lovely person and you might just end up coming to the same conclusion about me! My point being it's just too easy to judge someone wrong when the only real thing between you is a computer screen... hence I like to meet people early on. Second, my apologies to singmesweet if you are offended by my somewhat brutal turn of phrase ("Almost all women...") What I probably should have said was "almost all the women I'VE MET..." I say this now because it is my experience. Obviously I can't say it about every single woman on every internet dating site because I haven't met them all & I'm sure there are plenty out there who wouldn't do the silent thing. Anyway, I'm sorry if you thought I was stereotyping women. In answer to your other question, there's no given point at which I tend to ask to exchange numbers etc or meet up... I do it when I feel like the other person might respond well to being asked. There's no saying when that can be but I make a lot of effort to gauge how keen she seems before I bring it up. It's not like "Hi, can I have your number darlin!" I'm usually quite a perceptive person and would know face to face if someone was interested enough to trade numbers but when body language is removed from the equation to be replaced by Sans Serf it becomes virtually impossible to get a vibe. Quick nod to 2KidsMom: I know what you're saying as I've been scammed plenty myself. Perhaps what I'm actually trying to find out with this thread is how to show to someone that you're not a scammer or some weirdo stalker/pervert. Way I see it that's just not completely possible until you meet in person. Bit of a vicious circle really and a gamble for both parties whichever way you cut it. Gamble little, gamble big; what's the difference?! Last for now (but not least); prashant01... I like your thinking. Straight to the point! I haven't got around to filling in my profile on here yet but I will and I'll take your suggestion. Thanks. Sorry if I missed on anyones viewpoint. I AM taking it all on board but this reply is getting way too long so I'll cut it here for now. The first thing I can suggest is just unclench bro. Ideally, this place is a gathering. Different people with different views of the same game. Once you start figuring out what people say in accordance with who they are...you will see that this is actually just a place where people meet to just feel like they are part of something good. That is a great environmet to meet a good place to meet a woman. Where they feel safe and comfortable. Skin time comes later. |
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...what Krupa said,, plus
you never know what a person has gone through in their past. These are things that reveal through communication, which can and does happen over the internet. There is no more guarantee of truthfulness in black and white than there is in person, besides where appearance is concerned. Anything someone can post on a screen, they could look you ih the face and say and youd be none the wiser unless you had COMMUNICATED often enough to pick up on inconsistencies in what else you had been told. as to the phone number, some people take time to get comfortable enough about someone elses intentions because of being wronged (or in some cases, STALKED, in the past). Phone numbers are a great place for people to track addresses. as to the meeting in person, its simple to check out what the person is looking for, not everyone is here for 'dates' or to 'meet' and those are people you can pass up if the in person interaction is that much of a priority for you,,,many people have had very bad experiences rushing in with others in real time because of initial internet interest (myseelf included) and just arent going to see that as a priority at all,,,, |
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OK,,to sum it all up in a nut shell,
MOST WOMEN require a FRIENDSHIP BASED on EMAILS BEFORE EVER GIVING OUT ANYTHING MORE! And to THINK they will throw that out through kindness of you asking is very egotistical,,or naive on your part to expect? I have been on here a very long time and MANY,,,MANY friends of mine still would probably not want to give me their phone numbers,,for their on choice in only talking here in emails,,NOW,,as a dude here if I know THAT about them through emails,,I would also know they didn't really feel me someone they would like to go out with,,for they have a little bet of paranoid going on or they just view me as a friend? Some WILL give you anything you like to converse with them,,their open,,real,,and find real voice a much easier way to feel the others heart,,,BUT,,even THEY HAVE TO KNOW YA DUDE,,I mean,,THEY HAVE TO HAVE TALKED WITH YOU IN The forums or in several emails on here? Many women here,,unlike us dudes,,have kids and live a single life style so THEY are cautious of giving any personal things out. As THEY might be stalkers or crazy chiiits? Many women have suffered some form of abuse from a man in their life so they have an open fear as to WHO is even looking at them on here. Let alone,,trying to locate them,,see IF you have someones phone number YOU can ALSO find out their addy,,and THAT my friend is WHY MANY have a little fear or protectiveness about giving that out.. Its all about YOU taking the time to be REAL on here with GIVING THE REAL RESPECT FOR A WOMANS RIGHTS TO HER PRIVACY W/O CONDEMMING HER FOR BEING JUST ON GAURD OF PRETITORS, and nuts,,, AND THAT TAKES YOUR TIME SPENT HERE TYPING,,,and IF THATS TO MUCH TO ASK OF YOU,,then maybe the NET isn't your format to find a good woman? I'm NOT being a smartazzz, I am being REAL with your question here,,and your replies back to the members here.. It took ME four months of TYPING to a women on here JUST to see if we could be more,,and then at THAT point,,she gave me her number and addy because I gave her enough of me through us talking,,that SHE TRUSTED me to give that.. no offense,but why should you be able to short-cut this process?lol ALL of US have to go through this IF,,,we REALLY WANT TO BE REAL WITH FINDING SOMEONE WHO IS WORTH THE FINDING...... Good Luck on making this place work with you and you with it,,the Net is a place of MANY fake people,,so be careful and type MUCH,,
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