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| Topic: Insecurities | |
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I'm a very shy person and not very confident. In other words when I meet a guy and think that I would like to get to know him better or when I see a guy somewhere and am attracted to him, I'm not able to walk up to him and ask for a number, date, etc.
So, what I would like to know is how some of you have gotten over these or any other kind of insecurities to start dating again? |
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I have never ever ask a guy out for a date.
 iam a shy person too
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I have never ever ask a guy out for a date.
iam a shy person too 
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I just try to stick with friends. I had more trouble making friends growing up than I did dating as I never really tried dating. When your family moves a lot like mine did it is like everyone you meet is a date. Then I hitch hiked for years. I got to see new people on a daily basis. It was cool to be a hitch hiker. It is like you wake up in a new world every day. One way that I have found that works for me since I try to be friendly with each new people I meet is just telling the new person the truth. "I am going for coffee or dinner. Would you like to go along?"
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The reason I've never been on a date, is because there's no point :)
As for confidence, try making many male friends, then you will find other males not so difficult :) |
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i have always been shy and still am,
However i have learnt to just chat no matter what. In my work I have to talk to people, most of them blokes, i can normally think of something dumb to say or just keep talking about anything they are interested. But I couldnt ask them out, never have never will. I would rather crawl under a rock and die then have to risk anyone saying No thanks.. |
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I would rather crawl under a rock and die then have to risk anyone saying No thanks.. 
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Well, I can tell you what I know. I can't say it's exactly the male perspective, but here it is, anyway:
As a man living in Ohio, a man is expected to be forward and make the first move, but really it's not as formal as you might think, and neither is it so difficult; I will explain. First, let me say that I suck at talking up a woman and taking her home in some meat-market environment. But I don't think that's really what we're talking about, here, so allow me to continue. A couple of posters have inquired what a good date might be: dinner, movie, etc. The consensus was, and I agree, that something casual where you can talk is appropriate. I would like to add that the activity should be something that YOU like to do, and something that YOU were going to go do, anyway. If you're not comfortable being in public by yourself, treating yourself to dinner, or enjoying a live band by yourself, then you need to start doing that. Being comfortable with yourself is a great prerequisite to inviting someone else to join along. That also decreases the rejection factor if your offer isn't taken. Heck, you were going to go anyway. People are more likely to join you, or even to bring friends if a) they are interested, but b) have the same fears you have about it being a big scary "date". Meanwhile, be positive and fun in all that you do. That's a very attractive trait for friends and lovers, and when you're all alone... you can be your own party. Good luck! |
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There is some really great advise so far, thanks for all of it.
One of the obstacles in my path is that I'm not in a place where I can meet people. (My town consists of about 600 people, mostly elderly) Nor do I have a social network to rely on. So meeting people to casually ask them for coffee, movie, etc. is kinda hard. The other would be that I am not exactly comfortable in public. (Part of my insecurity). Again thanks for the advice. |
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Well, I can tell you what I know. I can't say it's exactly the male perspective, but here it is, anyway: As a man living in Ohio, a man is expected to be forward and make the first move, but really it's not as formal as you might think, and neither is it so difficult; I will explain. First, let me say that I suck at talking up a woman and taking her home in some meat-market environment. But I don't think that's really what we're talking about, here, so allow me to continue. A couple of posters have inquired what a good date might be: dinner, movie, etc. The consensus was, and I agree, that something casual where you can talk is appropriate. I would like to add that the activity should be something that YOU like to do, and something that YOU were going to go do, anyway. If you're not comfortable being in public by yourself, treating yourself to dinner, or enjoying a live band by yourself, then you need to start doing that. Being comfortable with yourself is a great prerequisite to inviting someone else to join along. That also decreases the rejection factor if your offer isn't taken. Heck, you were going to go anyway. People are more likely to join you, or even to bring friends if a) they are interested, but b) have the same fears you have about it being a big scary "date". Meanwhile, be positive and fun in all that you do. That's a very attractive trait for friends and lovers, and when you're all alone... you can be your own party. Good luck! Nicely said |
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Well, I can tell you what I know. I can't say it's exactly the male perspective, but here it is, anyway: As a man living in Ohio, a man is expected to be forward and make the first move, but really it's not as formal as you might think, and neither is it so difficult; I will explain. First, let me say that I suck at talking up a woman and taking her home in some meat-market environment. But I don't think that's really what we're talking about, here, so allow me to continue. A couple of posters have inquired what a good date might be: dinner, movie, etc. The consensus was, and I agree, that something casual where you can talk is appropriate. I would like to add that the activity should be something that YOU like to do, and something that YOU were going to go do, anyway. If you're not comfortable being in public by yourself, treating yourself to dinner, or enjoying a live band by yourself, then you need to start doing that. Being comfortable with yourself is a great prerequisite to inviting someone else to join along. That also decreases the rejection factor if your offer isn't taken. Heck, you were going to go anyway. People are more likely to join you, or even to bring friends if a) they are interested, but b) have the same fears you have about it being a big scary "date". Meanwhile, be positive and fun in all that you do. That's a very attractive trait for friends and lovers, and when you're all alone... you can be your own party. Good luck! This advise is excellent for dating in general. This works for me really well not just with dating related issues but also with flakey friends. |
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Edited by
MrBiscuit
on
Thu 09/22/11 02:30 PM
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i have always been shy and still am, However i have learnt to just chat no matter what. In my work I have to talk to people, most of them blokes, i can normally think of something dumb to say or just keep talking about anything they are interested. But I couldnt ask them out, never have never will. I would rather crawl under a rock and die then have to risk anyone saying No thanks.. Sometimes ya gotta take the risk. You only live once, and you don't want no pesky regrets now, do ya? Nobody is going to live your life for you, you gotta make some choices :) |
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I used to be embarrassed to sit down and pee, but once I got past how cold the water was no problemo.
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I used to be embarrassed to sit down and pee, but once I got past how cold the water was no problemo. If you put the seat down that won't happen. |
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The reason I've never been on a date, is because there's no point :) As for confidence, try making many male friends, then you will find other males not so difficult :) Well, I have to agree with on on your comment about there's no point. Good advice on making male friends however. Best way is to get out in the community and join a few community groups to meet people and that should do wonders for gaining confidence. |
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i have always been shy and still am, However i have learnt to just chat no matter what. In my work I have to talk to people, most of them blokes, i can normally think of something dumb to say or just keep talking about anything they are interested. But I couldnt ask them out, never have never will. I would rather crawl under a rock and die then have to risk anyone saying No thanks.. Sometimes ya gotta take the risk. You only live once, and you don't want no pesky regrets now, do ya? Nobody is going to live your life for you, you gotta make some choices :)  Mr biscuit the one thing a women in Darwin australia is never short of is men, there are so many more men then women its not really funny, You dont have to have much to offer here for someone to try and get you interested.. I have 6 kiddies have been married 3 times and so far in my life there are no regrets, lots of learning experiences but my life has been pretty full. I really dont think there is one day so far that I feel I havent lived, but I still dont want to make to many choices, they just make my life to ordered..
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I used to be embarrassed to sit down and pee, but once I got past how cold the water was no problemo.    Your gonna say its deep too aren't ya? |
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I'm a very shy person and not very confident. In other words when I meet a guy and think that I would like to get to know him better or when I see a guy somewhere and am attracted to him, I'm not able to walk up to him and ask for a number, date, etc. So, what I would like to know is how some of you have gotten over these or any other kind of insecurities to start dating again? |
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I'm a very shy person and not very confident. In other words when I meet a guy and think that I would like to get to know him better or when I see a guy somewhere and am attracted to him, I'm not able to walk up to him and ask for a number, date, etc. So, what I would like to know is how some of you have gotten over these or any other kind of insecurities to start dating again? I would not approach a man to ask for a date or his number. so I don;t worry about it. I might approach him to talk with him though. |
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If the guy approaches me, then no I'm not shy about responding. I figure that if he takes the chance the least I could do is respond, even if I'm not interested. Be it on line or in person. But I know that a lot of guys have the same insecurities or fear of rejection too. I'm just not able to approach them.
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