Just needed to vent. . .
My 21 year one daughter is in a bad situation. She's been homeless going from place to place. Her and her bf have burned every bridge they have. She calls me crying so I tell het I will buy her a bus ticket home but I'm not sending her money and I won't pay for a ticket for him. Plus if she comes she will be expected to stay clean . . .no drugs of any kind. And look for work and a place of her own. She asked if is send for her bf. next month I said no. if you want him with you then you can get a job and your own place bad send for him. I don't think this is unreasonable but now she's mad at me bad telling me to stay out of her life. Guess she really dosent want help after all. . .sigh.. No one ever said being a mom was easy.

Addiction is tough. Until she makes the decision to turn her life around, and is willing to do what it takes, there's not much you can do for her.

You are doing the right thing by distancing yourself and being firm with her. Its not the easy thing to do, but if she reaches the point where she wants to do what it takes to turn around, she knows you'll be there for her, not as an addiction enabler, but as a loving and caring mother that will help her do what it takes to stay clean.

Do not cave in and allow her to continue her addiction, just be there for her when she is ready to free herself.

If may not feel like it, but trust me, you are doing the right thing. @>-->----

Thanks totage :) I've delt with addicted family members a lot. And ill be the first to admit I use to be an enabler. But I finally that was hurting them and me. She knows I love her and will help her but I refuse to enable her drug use. All I can do is continue to pray for her and be their when she's ready to change.

This is a good group to join:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/naranonsupport/

They teach how to detach with love.

Drama follows addicts and everything is everybody else's fault but not their own fault. They need to feel the consequences of their actions.

My opinion - let her know that you love her and you'll be there for her when she decides to get clean but not until then. I know how much this must break your heart.

The three C's: You didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

I will keep you in my prayers. Being a mother is very diffcult at times.We love them so much but we don't like the person they turned into.Remember it is not how we raised them rather it is the choices they are making.No mater what the person is addicted to that addiction is all that they can think about.Stay strong I know it hurts. But just stay stong.

I have to agree with totage, I can't even imagine what you must be going through. But I have to say your doing what needs to be done. They call it tough love. Some years back I was forced to make a decision involving one of my daughters and I caught hell from other members of the family. Since she has made some great choices is now happily married with a great job and family and her and I are very close. Good luck and I will keep the two of you in my prayers.

I was an enabler for my daughter, but she got caught and I let her stew in jail for 10 days to dry out and think.

Now she is clean and stays away from the stuff, she loves her freedom!

Hang in there, do what you have to do. They are your children and you know them better than anyone.
sometimes love is tough. Just keep letting her know you still love her.

My 25 year old daughter says my ex, her mother nags her to pay back the 2000 dollars before she will loan her any more money. Well, duh.

I'm rooting for you! You are making tough decisions. Remember, you can't help a drowning person, if you are drowning,too. Stay on the shore, and be strong!

It is better for parents to let their kids take their lumps for their bad decisions when they are really young.

When people have a lifetime of failure and then have outlived their family and have no one to turn to when they are too old and sick to save themself.

Now with competition as intense as it is we don't have the luxery of letting our kids, or oursleves, to be a "late bloomer".

Sure there are those few who can pull a rabbit out of the hat at the last minute but with the era of computers there are not that many places you can outrun your history. With funds for resources cut to the bone shelters and various help resources are demanding birth certificates and identification before they will do anything. Those who are frequent flyers, chroniclly failing to keep their act together, are getting passed over as the few available slots are going to the people who just need a second chance not blown a half a dozen and still trying to dictate the rules.

Parents that keep that failure going by enableing can really be handing their kids to the executioner. To be truely homeless can be life threatening.

If your daughter still has enough resources to call it sounds like she can still turn things around. You are right standing your ground.

It is going to be tough because usually when you refuse to play their game they usually try to up the anti and may say anything to yank your chain but hold fast.

I just got to say
Pacificstar48, after reading some your posts, don't stop passing out that good old wisdom.