Gentlemen became non existent the moment women discovered the meaning of patronize

must both HANDLE responsibility and have a reverence/respect for women as MORE than a tool for their ego or sexual desires,,, MUCH MORE<,,,

Well, for me, being a gentlemen means respect. Not just for your significant other, but for everyone and everything around you. It is realizing you are not the center of the universe and that others have emotions, feelings and needs as well. It is not the nice clothing, the good posture or the flowery words spoken, but the kind heart, the strong morals and the sincere meaning behind and underneath them all.

Holding doors, pulling chairs and covering puddles is all well and good, but anyone can do that these days. It is more than just holding a hand, it is holding a heart. It is not just saying I love you, it is I love us together. It is showing someone you care both in the little things and the big things and being there for both. It is believing in them, sharing with them and encouraging them, always.

You don't have to be a wuss as some may think to be a gentleman, you just have to be honorable, sincere and respectful in both words and deed.

Going to put comments in qoutes so please see this is not rewritten by original poster.


I see a lot of what a gentleman does, but not much about what a gentleman is, the qualities he possesses. Some of the women only spoke about how he'd treat her.

((Which definitely is not the whole deal by any means))

I thought about this a lot last night

((Same here thoughtful subject))

while at work and I think the highest quality a gentleman can posses is integrity.

(( Excellent Point))

Here's a short list of other qualities I feel a gentleman should possess.

*He's well mannered and polite, but that doesn't mean he suffers fools easily.

((To me someone who takes garbage off someone is not a gentleman and kind of borders on a coward but one thing I did pick up from my Dad was often just ignoreing fools is more effiecient to one's personal life and can be Gentlemanly. Thanks Dad ))

*He says what he means,

((I think sometimes people get theri feelings hurt to easy by male speak and it is just a Gentleman speaking his mind in his own way.))

but he may not tell you everything

((Another excellent point. Gentleman knows the time and place to say what needs to be said.))

and you may not like what you hear.

((Again the idea of honesty and broavery being traits of a Gentleman.))

*He doesn't play head games and he doesn't put up with them.

((AMEN))

*He strives for order in his life

((I don't know a Gentleman always has to have order in his life sometimes a Gentleman can just ride with the flow and kind of try to have boundries.))

and works to eliminate any chaotic influences.

*He can be ruthless when it's called for.

((Might surprise some but I agree here. Kind of makes me think sometimes you have to chop out the weeds in a garden to let things grow and sometimes that means some loss of the gentleness generally thought of Gentlemen.))

*He maintains a cool head

((Not always but usually. Some anger is justified and a Gentleman is entitled to get "hot under the collar"where needed))

and seldom gets in a rush.
'((Agree))

*He never complains. If something troubles him he gets rid of it or gets used to it.

((Disagree here. Gentleman does not have to get used to just anything or necessarily get rid of it and I think it goes back to making a choice to change things where he resonably can.))

*He puts his income above everything else. Because without it, he cannot meet the needs of anything else.

((I ABSOLUTELY disagree with this. Having assets is NOT the beginning and end all of life; even for a Gentleman. Yes a Gentleman strives not to make himself a beggar or a borrower but a Gentleman has enough humility and honesty to not see his ONLY value as meeting the needs of others. Sometimes, rarely, being able to let someone fullfill your needs is being a Gentleman. If a Gentleman is ill, elderly, ignorant, or somehow in need he does not sacrifice his right to be treated or think of himself as a Gentleman because he is human enough to need assistance.

*He doesn't give his word lightly and when he does it's not easily broken.

((Excellent point. Because a Gentleman takes his time or withholds making a promise may actually mean he has the true character of a Gentleman. Too often men are pressured into making promises or assumed to have made promises they didn't or don't want to make and then called "Players" when they aren't.))

*He knows himself and what he needs to be happy.

((I think this is a streach of what might be considered realistic but generally yes.))

He knows his strengths and weaknesses.

((Ditto the above.))

*As for sex, he'll let his desires be known. But, if the feelings aren't mutual, he'll move on quickly.

((I was with you until the last phrase. I think a Gentleman has some patience and lets people have a little time to accomodate his desires.))

As to the question of a real man being the same as a gentleman, I think the former is the blue collar version and the latter the white collar. So, they have more in common than differences.

(( I disagree here also. What kind of collar a guy wears has NOTHING to do with how much a Gentleman or a Real Man he is. Some of the most Distinguished Gentlemen I have ever met were incredibly poor, un-educated laborers that wouldn't know the ettiquet to save their soul or their life but they had common decency, courage, manners, culture, and so many traits of a Gentleman that there was no doubt. The same being true of White collar guys that for years never broke a sweat but when it really got down to brass tacks they had the right stuff to step up and do what a gentleman would do even if he got down and dirty or unsafe for the first time in his life. So I don't see a difference in the terms. To me they are innerchangeable. ))
I'm adding a couple more;

*He's open minded, but doesn't change his views easily.

((Agree))

*He doesn't argue, but may enjoy a passionate exchange of ideas.

((Lol I really like this definition.))

It would be a miracle if any us got together. We all have such different expectations.

I disagree women should be respected simply by virtue of their gender. This notion is nonsense. Respect is earned.

Some women ARE useless other than as sexual tools. Others have more to offer. Women are not all the same and therefore some deserve respect while others do not.

Moreover, why is it disrespectful to desire a woman sexually?

Add on same as before.
I have a couple more;

*He doesn't force, he persuades or influences.

((Falls within my definition. Well maybe if it is not undue influence. I think the use of superior intelligence or experience over a person of less resources is foul. Probably why I think a Gentleman makes sure the feild he is playing on stays level.))

*He doesn't conquer women, he arouses them and submits to them.

(( Hmmmmm tempted to be smart aress here but yea to some extent. Don't know if a gentleman would see it as submission so much as cooperation and mutual consent.))

*Men admire him and women desire him.

LOL to some extent. Don't think most men or women would want to lay down on the alter of the "Almighty Gentleman" any more than they would the "Almighty Lady" The term All kind of chokes.

Gentleman really differs from girl to girl and what they define as a gentleman to them.

I call myself a gentleman because I'm old school. I open doors, walk on the side facing the street, pull out chairs, have manners and treat people with respect and dignity. I'm also abstinent till marriage and value emotional and spiritual intimacy to sexual.

Now to answer the question am I a non-sexual android? Heck no!!!! I just have self control theirs a major difference. Look at the fat guy who loves cheese burgers, then you see a skinny guy, does that immediately indicate he doesn't like cheese burgers? Know it just means he's not a fat *** and has some self control.

Sex is like other things, some people have no control of their bodies while others do. That doesn't mean the guys that do or girls are any less sexual.

Trust me, people who abstain are still extremely sexual, we just have some respect for the woman we are interested in.

Were also smart, we know that sex clouds judgement. Wed rather not go through a dozen break ups and end up with an STD before finding our true love. Instead we wait find our true love and go nuts!

Trust me in church their are a lot of really really sexual people. They just respected each other till marriage and their relationships last because of it!

A gentleman is a dude that can hang out all day at the nudist camp without getting a woody?