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| Topic: This might be a touchy subject... but... | |
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex?
You start dating someone new, and your ex, who you’ve broken up with finds out, and now they want you back, and do everything within their power to remind you of why you are so good together, and they’re really sorry things didn’t work out before, but the two of you know in your hearts you should be together. Do you leave your new lover and return to the other one, or put the last lover on hold while you see if this new relationship turns serious, only going back to the other one if this new one doesn’t work out? Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? |
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? You start dating someone new, and your ex, who you’ve broken up with finds out, and now they want you back, and do everything within their power to remind you of why you are so good together, and they’re really sorry things didn’t work out before, but the two of you know in your hearts you should be together. Do you leave your new lover and return to the other one, or put the last lover on hold while you see if this new relationship turns serious, only going back to the other one if this new one doesn’t work out? Well, this is rather vague and hypothetical but let's say that I still have feelings for the ex and have only just met the other lady, or I've only been seeing her for a short time at least. I say to the new girlfriend that my ex has been trying to get me to take her back and we have a conversation about that. If she says to me that it's fine and she didn't really see it going anywhere between us anyway then I guess I say okay and then I'm free to make up my mind if I want to get back with my ex. That's assuming that I think that I think that it might be worth giving it another go with the ex. If the new girlfriend says that she wants to be with me and she doesn't want me to go back to my ex I tell her it's fine and she's my girlfriend now and she has nothing to worry about. It might work out with the new girlfriend and it didn't work out with the ex. If it doesn't work out with the new girlfriend either then maybe the ex still wants me. In other words, if things are going well with the new one I put the ex on hold and tell her that I'm seeing someone else just now and I just want to see how that goes. Would I be playing two women off against each other here? I'm not cheating on anybody and I have been completely honest and open with both of them. Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? I'm not a control freak and it would be pointless to try to answer a question based on a premise that doesn't apply to me. Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? I think that if it had got as far as actually aranging a date I would already know basic stuff like whether or not they smoked or had pets or a decent education. I don't go on a date with a bunch of questions ready like it's a multiple choice test that they have to pass. I have a conversation with the lady and we get to know each other. Things are likely to come out during that conversation which will make us form opinions about each other. If I feel at the end of the date that I like her and want to see her again I say so and that's pretty much all there is to it. |
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Sat 02/23/13 06:28 AM
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Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? I think that if it had got as far as actually aranging a date I would already know basic stuff like whether or not they smoked or had pets or a decent education. I don't go on a date with a bunch of questions ready like it's a multiple choice test that they have to pass. I have a conversation with the lady and we get to know each other. Things are likely to come out during that conversation which will make us form opinions about each other. If I feel at the end of the date that I like her and want to see her again I say so and that's pretty much all there is to it. hi tawt, nice to see you again... I used the "such as" not as a list of questions, but to put in the reader's mind what kind of simple response we could give right now to let potential romantic partners who could be following our posts know what we like and don't like. That way, as you said, they will already know basic stuff about us before the first date. And I'm digging deeper in the questions I'm asking and willing to answer myself, because this is a dating site and we can use these forums to get to know each other better, and the only way to do that is to open up about ourselves. Personally, I think this is a cool way to communicate what we're about, so why don't we just relax and be honest and open now, when there's no pressure being placed on us to say the right thing, and no fear of rejection for saying the wrong thing. Maybe I'm a little over the top in the type of discussions I like to have, but this is just the way I am, and I choose to lay my cards on the table so people can get to know me more easily... So, here's something I would tell my date the first time we meet to discuss our future possibilities. I'm highly allergic to cigarette smoke and can't breathe, while also getting a headache and stopped up sinuses when I have to inhale second hand smoke. So, whoever my new partner would be, it would be preferable that he not smoke at all. However, I don't control what other people want to do with their lives, only how it affects me. So, if my new partner does smoke, then he will have to smoke outside of my house, and not smoke in my car.. etc... and if he doesn't agree to these terms, then we don't need to move forward with a second date... |
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1. What feels right? Everybody has to go by their gut feelings. If you have been apart for a while, why the sudden change. Is he really interested in YOU or is it just a control thing.
2. I don't do control, never have, never will. Controling me is a BIG ENOUGH JOB. I would want someone beside me, NOT run by me. Control is needed by weak people, that are afraid of something in themselves. 3. I believe in lots of conversation. Open conversation & a good memory will let you learn about a persons habits, wants & goals. Especially at my age; I have ZERO time for games. FIRMLY think friends first & anything else follows. Always remember a shooting star burns out fast. I preferr a slow but steady glow. |
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I want out of it
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Will respond to questions one by one...I've never had much luck going back to an "ex" or trying to start over...But I've stayed friends with some of the men I was involved with in the past..And through the years I worked to "heal" any "bad feelings" I had when the relationships ended...I don't like to carry around a lot of "old baggage" or grudges..I don't want anger or hate from the past to "eat me alive" or turn me into a "vigilante" or "terrorist" today. (Where I'm out for "blood" and ready to "do battle!" And eager to "take revenge" against anyone who just happens to be a member of the opposite sex!)
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1. What feels right? Everybody has to go by their gut feelings. If you have been apart for a while, why the sudden change. Is he really interested in YOU or is it just a control thing. 2. I don't do control, never have, never will. Controling me is a BIG ENOUGH JOB. I would want someone beside me, NOT run by me. Control is needed by weak people, that are afraid of something in themselves. 3. I believe in lots of conversation. Open conversation & a good memory will let you learn about a persons habits, wants & goals. Especially at my age; I have ZERO time for games. FIRMLY think friends first & anything else follows. Always remember a shooting star burns out fast. I preferr a slow but steady glow. hi oldsage... I know these query's can give us pause to answer... and I may be going too far... but I'll never know the limits until I push myself to the edge to see them... In # 2... I've heard from a lot of people here on Mingle how most every bodies relationship is based on equality, and that men are not dominant, and women aren't submissive... but this is news to me.. because where I live, men still act like men, and expect their women to obey them to a certain extent, just like women expect similar treatment by their men, whether they actually get the equality they want remains to be seen... and, if men don't support the women then they rebel and don't respect the men... it's a "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" type thing. And I was hoping there are other women outside of my comfort zone that behave this same way and would give me an honest reply about how they get their way with the man in their lives. This isn't a game, it's just how people do each other to get what they want from the other person. I guess it goes back to the way my parents raised me too, that if I'm going to commit myself to a man then it's his responsibility to help take care of me, because I am giving him myself. But, these days, men act like just because we work and earn our own money that they can have us for nothing, that we can financially support ourselves while giving them everything they want, and this new idealism that works great for the men, is hurting us women, as usual.. sorry about going on like this, but you are the "sage", and you do come from a different era too, back when things weren't like they are today, and I thought you might could enlighten me about why men are wanting to escape their responsibilities to us, while expecting us to be so giving to them in everything... |
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Will respond to questions one by one...I've never had much luck going back to an "ex" or trying to start over...But I've stayed friends with some of the men I was involved with in the past..And through the years I worked to "heal" any "bad feelings" I had when the relationships ended...I don't like to carry around a lot of "old baggage" or grudges..I don't want anger or hate from the past to "eat me alive" or turn me into a "vigilante" or "terrorist" today. (Where I'm out for "blood" and ready to "do battle!" And eager to "take revenge" against anyone who just happens to be a member of the opposite sex!) I agree with you, Greeneyes, and I've remained friends with every single one of my ex's... just because we couldn't live together doesn't mean we still can't be friends, like we were before we became more deeply committed... and I'm not a fighter, so I don't seek revenge... but, maybe because of our enduring friendships, at times an old beau will find out I'm dating someone new, and he'll get territorial, wanting to try and rustle up our lost feelings... but, I've never gone back either... although I know several women who have done this exact thing... and I thought my putting the scenario out there, some of the women who do this would respond and tell us about their experiences... |
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Edited by
kc0003
on
Sat 02/23/13 08:59 AM
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subject…1
what gives anyone the right to put someone else on hold while they re-explore something from their past? the word ‘egomaniacal' comes to mind here. subject…2 i would never become involved with anyone that would allow me to treat her this way. (not that i would ever be like this) this sounds like a dictatorship, not a relationship. subject…3 i am a big believer in chemistry, much more than i am, in lists. |
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subject…1 what gives anyone the right to put someone else on hold while they re-explore something from their past? the word ‘egomaniacal' comes to mind here. subject…2 i would never become involved with anyone that would allow me to treat her this way. (not that i would ever be like this) this sounds like a dictatorship, not a relationship. subject…3 i am a big believer in chemistry, much more than i am, in list. 
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AthenaRose...My first husband (way back when) went "all out" to hold on to me when our divorce was in the "works."...This would have been great if I felt his intentions were sincere. But I had a chance to get to know him pretty well through the years and he relied on his so-called "charm" and manipulation tactics when all else "failed." So I didn't "buy" any of it or get "sucked" back "in."...We had kids together and through the years we developed a "truce" and became friends. (We had a brother/sister or cousin type of relationship since we were both "only children" who didn't come from large families.)...Anyway my first husband came to holidays at my parent's house along with my "new" husband. (They became friends.)...And we always spent Christmas Eve at my first MIL's house every year...My first husband's Mom treated my "new husband" like her beloved nephew...This set a good example for my sons. And they had a chance to know and love and enjoy 2 Dads!
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1. probably not
2. no I am not and I do not respond well to that type of person. I do not like that type of person 3. I do not plan what to discuss on first dates. In any case I doubt that relationship expectations would be part of that convo |
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Sat 02/23/13 09:18 AM
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oops double post....
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subject…1 what gives anyone the right to put someone else on hold while they re-explore something from their past? the word ‘egomaniacal' comes to mind here. subject…2 i would never become involved with anyone that would allow me to treat her this way. (not that i would ever be like this) this sounds like a dictatorship, not a relationship. subject…3 i am a big believer in chemistry, much more than i am, in lists.  like your answer as usual kc |
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#1. No
#2. No #3. Heck if I know |
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Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? I think that if it had got as far as actually aranging a date I would already know basic stuff like whether or not they smoked or had pets or a decent education. I don't go on a date with a bunch of questions ready like it's a multiple choice test that they have to pass. I have a conversation with the lady and we get to know each other. Things are likely to come out during that conversation which will make us form opinions about each other. If I feel at the end of the date that I like her and want to see her again I say so and that's pretty much all there is to it. hi tawt, nice to see you again... I used the "such as" not as a list of questions, but to put in the reader's mind what kind of simple response we could give right now to let potential romantic partners who could be following our posts know what we like and don't like. That way, as you said, they will already know basic stuff about us before the first date. And I'm digging deeper in the questions I'm asking and willing to answer myself, because this is a dating site and we can use these forums to get to know each other better, and the only way to do that is to open up about ourselves. Personally, I think this is a cool way to communicate what we're about, so why don't we just relax and be honest and open now, when there's no pressure being placed on us to say the right thing, and no fear of rejection for saying the wrong thing. Maybe I'm a little over the top in the type of discussions I like to have, but this is just the way I am, and I choose to lay my cards on the table so people can get to know me more easily... So, here's something I would tell my date the first time we meet to discuss our future possibilities. I'm highly allergic to cigarette smoke and can't breathe, while also getting a headache and stopped up sinuses when I have to inhale second hand smoke. So, whoever my new partner would be, it would be preferable that he not smoke at all. However, I don't control what other people want to do with their lives, only how it affects me. So, if my new partner does smoke, then he will have to smoke outside of my house, and not smoke in my car.. etc... and if he doesn't agree to these terms, then we don't need to move forward with a second date... Well, I went out on a date with someone a few months ago and I told her that I smoke and I asked her if she had a problem with that. She said that it was alright as long as I didn't blow it in her face and I said that I just wouldn't smoke around her then. |
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? You start dating someone new, and your ex, who you’ve broken up with finds out, and now they want you back, and do everything within their power to remind you of why you are so good together, and they’re really sorry things didn’t work out before Absolute typical behaviour from an ex.  ..............but the two of you know in your hearts you should be together. Do you leave your new lover and return to the other one, or put the last lover on hold while you see if this new relationship turns serious, only going back to the other one if this new one doesn’t work out? Nope. If I am happy in my new relationship, I see no reason to suddenly change my mind and go back to said ex. Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? If any man told me what to wear, I'd be out of there faster than a speeding train, and a speeding train is quite fast.  Subject # 3… What would you say if we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? He should already know the answers to them, as they're in my profile. ;)
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Too many word things...
Obviously still hooked on ex.... Not good. No point in trying to love ya until you realize that you are talking about something that failed .... If you can mention an ex in the same breath you are on a date site....be prepared to introduce your new love to your ex....which will score you zero points with the new love. Matter of fact...if you even mention a failed relationship to your newest wooing...you will NEVER get any serious love..... |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sat 02/23/13 11:21 AM
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Subject # 3… What would you say if? oops. |
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Subject # 3… What would you say if? # 1 Maybe I would date and ex boyfriend, It just depends, I have had some good men in my past as dates. #2 No #3 I would ask real personal questions in PM and on phone before any meet. It works well for me. |
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