From my experience men and women have different expectations in relationships. Could this be the biggest obstacle in making it work. How do you find that comprimise or is it a case of one giving in to another?

I think both partners should be willing to give in to one another when certain circumstances arises. This makes for a better relationship.

I don't think it should be thought of as giving in, that seems to promote ill feelings.

I just don't consider it that when I do something specifically for my partner. I consider it multiplying my happiness...

I think their differences should only be as great as their communication skills.

I've found from personal experience that compromising is the same thing as giving in... what becomes the debated issue is who always has to give in/compromise first or most... if one person always has to do the compromising, this often leads to feelings of "being taken advantage of"... of course two people have their own expectations from the other they would like met... but that's what the friendship and courting phase of relationships are for.. to find out what we want and what we're willing to do, or stop doing, to keep the other person in our life, or not.. imo...

Oh; I misunderstood compromise then. An example is the guy wants to eat at an Italian restaurant and I want to go to a Japanese restaurant. The compromise is we do take out orders from our favourite restaurants and that way we both get what we want and neither one of us has given in. Am I wrong in that thinking? Or we do Italian one night and Japanese another night. Isn't that too a compromise?

Personally, I love the take out orders idea... if dinner is what you're compromising about... that way we could go to the house and park in front of the TV while we enjoy our favorite foods... but either idea is a good one... and yes, this kind of issue decided equally gives you both what you want, when you want it...

Some people can be just incompatible and the smart thing is to go their separate ways.

Sometimes eating at a certain restaurant seems more important to one partner...My husband might get a big "craving" for his favorite strawberry pancakes at one local restaurant. And I could see that he was really excited about eating his pancakes. (He was cute!)...And my preference for a particular restaurant wasn't as "strong" as his was that day...So I'd go with pancakes for my husband. And the restaurant served other things that I liked too. (Fortunately.)...Then we'd eat at the restaurant I suggested the next time. (No problem!)...If I was the one who had "strong cravings" for a certain place my husband said "sure!" And we'd eat at his choice the next time...We were good at working together and doing "juggling acts" to make each other happy and avoid "bad feelings." We didn't want to create hateful and bitter "wars" in our relationship...Both of us took pride in coming-up with creative (and caring) solutions. This way no one was "left out in the cold!"

You mentioned "sharing" in another thread and I think this is the basis of a happy and healthy and long-lasting relationship. Don't you?...My husband and I enjoyed "sharing" with each other. And the funny thing is that we were both strong individuals in our own "right." Maybe this is why it was easy for us to "share" and work as a "team" when need be...We were secure within ourselves and secure with each other...Earlier in life I was involved with men who were insecure and I could be insecure myself back then...Since we were insecure this led to "power-struggles" at times and "pay-backs" and "withholding" from each other etc. (Lots of silly games!)...By the time I met my "last" husband I was more secure and "sure" of myself. And my husband had grown through the years and become more secure and "sure" of himself too..So we had no need to turn everything into a "contest of wills" or "battleground" to supposedly "prove" something...All we wanted to do was be best friends and have a great life together!

I am the same way when it comes to something like this. The only thing I won't compromise is when a person insists I eat what they are eating. I remember guys getting mad at me because they would order a pizza and I wouldn't eat it. They said I was being difficult but junk food/fast food doesn't agree with me. I always tell up front that I eat very healthy and I don't eat these sort of foods but they get upset never the less.

I've been mostly a vegetarian all my life and my husband liked meat...We made it "work" and respected each other's rights and choices...I don't think it's right to try to force (or guilt-trip) people into eating food they don't like or want either.

sometimes it takes a while to fully realize that, but non the less is true...

Many relationships end because one partner is selfish and not willing to compromise. When a person compromises it maybe in a number of areas of the couples lives. When one person gives in more often than the other person, they do not have a very good partnership. Unfortunately, many couples end in divorce after a while. Many last for years in that kind of situation though.

What are the different expectations you believe men and women have? And why do you think it's a big obstacle to making it work?

I agree...To me loving someone is wanting to see them happy!.. Of course no one should have to be "selfless" and do all the "giving" or "sacrificing." (As you mentioned.)...And being selfish and self-centered isn't the answer either...There has to be a sense of compromise and wanting to see the people we love "happy." Don't you think? Otherwise a relationship is doomed to misery and failure...Some people do seem "in it" for themselves and really don't know what it means to be caring and supportive. Sad!

A person who has mastered the art of compromise understands the importance of picking their fights wisely....Little things like Chinese vs Mexican or beach vacation vs ski vacation don't matter to me and I almost always acquiesce....

Well I don't see expections in a relationship as an obstacle The best thing to do is to look for your kind. What I mean look somoneone that have similar expections like you. Remember for a relationship to work you must not expect too much because you will never see a perfect partner.

Greeneyes, from what I have read of your posts about you and your husband, many couples should follow this example, of mutual respect and I am sure there would be lot less divorces. Many people perfer to stay Single after divorce, because they know that once they move in with another partner, that it may be chaos, probably not be mutual respect for long. Some people out there, hide their real self and selfishness.