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| Topic: Women Don't Trust Men | |
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never known Bens Fold any but pop wisdom, so Ima say no thanks to that. there are those of us who have a hard time trusting because of experiences we have had with those who cannot be trusted. It does not mean we can't be trusted. People who have been burned are often more trustworthy because we don't want to do what has been done to us. .....ah yes if I can't be trusted YOU must be the problem. really....or even better, yes, trust blindly while I screw you over.....I don;t think so. Trust is earned, and those who wish to be trusted need to behave as such even in small matters. |
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Anyone that has ever been cheated on or lied to will have a difficult time finding the ability to trust again. It gets even worse if it happens multiple times with different partners. You even get so you don't trust yourself anymore. The real question, it seems to me, is how do you regain that ability? I believe communication and building a solid foundation over time will help realize that each person is unique and has some important value to you. The hard part is knowing or realizing when something triggers a thought of mistrust that its your own interpretation based on experiences. You have to detach yourself, think clearly, not react by your emotions that can stir up from remembering a past event. Later you can evaluate if your mistrust had any merit. Interpretation can be a huge factor of problems. I do trust several key people in my life. I have trusted and still would trust two ex's that I dumped for other reasons. My ex husband, and other 6 yr relationship are not included for cheating. In every relationship. I was the one to break up cause the writing on the wall was so very clear to me. |
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Wed 01/08/14 06:39 AM
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Sometimes you got look deep inside youself and find the real you.than you will understand people.women if men dont treat you right--- find the" WHY" ^ THIS or forget about they WHY....the latter begin more likely for me. |
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Then you have some of us who believe in being faithful to our mate.
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TRUST is earned.
TRUST does NOT mean CONTROL. RELATIONSHIP does NOT mean control. To many men think control comes with relationships/marriage. If a guy is to controlling, then he has to handle other issues BEFORE a GOOD/HEALTHY relationship, will happen. Opinion of a guy that learned, Old Sage |
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If it makes you feel any better, I don't trust women either. hahaha! 
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I think rebuilding trust in yourself is even more difficult than rebuilding your ability to trust others.
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We have all been hurt in one way or another. And we have hurt others.
But we are all on this site for a basic reason. To find a partner or friends and trust plays a big factor. Trust must be earned. I must say though that if you are holding on to all the misdeeds of the past, then you are not ready to trust again. Not yet. I believe in some ways we have to move past the hurts and on some level, we must forgive. I am NOT saying that we justify or belittle what we went through but... move past it... let it go! Think of how you're learned and grown past and probably because of those experiences. I think it's the only way to slowly be able to open your heart to trust again. Then we trust again through positive experiences where the person follows through with what they say they will do. Even simple things as a phone call. This to me is integrity. If a person displays integrity, you will slowly realize that he/she is a trustworthy person. Honesty is, of course, a big part of integrity. |
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I think rebuilding trust in yourself is even more difficult than rebuilding your ability to trust others. Yeah. If you can't trust yourself then who can you trust? |
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We have all been hurt in one way or another. And we have hurt others. But we are all on this site for a basic reason. To find a partner or friends and trust plays a big factor. Trust must be earned. I must say though that if you are holding on to all the misdeeds of the past, then you are not ready to trust again. Not yet. I believe in some ways we have to move past the hurts and on some level, we must forgive. I am NOT saying that we justify or belittle what we went through but... move past it... let it go! Think of how you're learned and grown past and probably because of those experiences. I think it's the only way to slowly be able to open your heart to trust again. Then we trust again through positive experiences where the person follows through with what they say they will do. Even simple things as a phone call. This to me is integrity. If a person displays integrity, you will slowly realize that he/she is a trustworthy person. Honesty is, of course, a big part of integrity. Very wise words!!!!!!!  |
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Thanks Betty!
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A system that works for me (and is gender-neutral):
Give everyone a measure of trust and respect; allow them to earn more or less by their actions; adjust accordingly. Trustworthiness can vary when the stakes increase or conditions become difficult. Someone who is scrupulously honest in the $100 range might well become dishonest in the millions range. Someone who is loyal in everyday life might become less so if presented with a remarkable opportunity to go in different directions. We can never know 100% another person, no matter what we think we know. We may not even “know” (predict) our own actions in extreme situations. Even if we are “sure” how we would respond, we don't know until TSHTF. I question the judgment and character of those who trust everyone (trust indiscriminately or naively) and those who trust no one. |
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Strangely, with all of my issues and "problems"...
I don't have trust issues. I'll trust you until I'm given reason not to 
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This is why you become friends, you learn and watch each other, learn behaviors and attitudes, what they respond to. Listen to what they say, their life. The thing is, is if you talk to them and sometimes they change their story or cant keep the story straight. Well, then you have an idea what he is about. Dont rush into anything.
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I think women just have to understand it's hard being this awesome then dumbing it down so much you can put down some knitting and congratulate our honesty.
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I think what is really important is to be able to trust yourself.   Gotta doobie in one hand and a drink in the other? |
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When I was 17 I cheated. I kissed "another" girl at a party. I felt so guilty, I had a tearful confession the next day. That was the last time. I get, "I CALL BS!!!" all of the time....I suppose I have "emotionally" "cheated" since then.....but it seems that the idea of guys being true and faithful is impossible to believe. I was told to not assume there aren't others with just as much (or little) character or honesty or intelligence,,,etc,,as I have I am a faithful woman, so I have no reason not to believe there are faithful men although I don't think the culture stigmatizes them quite the same way for being 'promsicuous' or running from their responsibilities after (children) Oh My Gosh, how I admire the "faithful" Msharmony!.....by every wide array of the definition! <3 |
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It sure is impossible for women to believe because i dont care if your marilyn monroe, sandra bullock, or halle berry some men just cant be faithful. There are good men im sure somewhere in the land of far far away,but as of now i have yet to meet a faithful non cheating one
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There are good men im sure somewhere in the land of far far away,but as of now i have yet to meet a faithful non cheating one That is because you have never met me. 
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Personally; I have never been cheated on but I don't trust anyone unless they have earned my trust.
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