its not for everybody

Ive rarely needed 'protecting' in real life, but its nice to ASSUME they will if its needed.

if there are kids, then you are both actually taking care of your kids.,,,which involves finances and other things,,

if there are no kids, no reason both cant work,,,unless the man is raised to not wish for the wife to have to.

If the man is a workaholic or just lazy outside of work and never does anything else then I would probably complain. One of the first things I would complain about is a list of things that need repairing around the house because then he is making my job harder by neglecting his share (some homemaking tasks fall into the category of a man's role, just like it's the woman's role to watch out with the finances when they go shopping). Homemaking doesn't equate with anything that exists outside the man's job. There's a whole lot more to life than the job you go to. Paying the bills is just the main gender role of the man, but there is much more that men do than that. They fix things, BBQ things, bring things home from outside (shop), look for gadgets to fix things, call repair men to fix things, play with their kids, hug their kids, teach their kids things, possibly paint things (if they have an artistic streak)..there are many things that men could possibly do within his man role that has to do with the home, because that's where he lives too.

So, let's say we exclude children from the equation, which I believe should be a shared responsibility, but anyways, people my age are usually empty nesters.

Then, the role of homemaker is simply to cook and clean? What if the guy is a gourmet cook?

My ideal soul mate, if there is such a thing, is a woman who has defined herself already outside of the traditional definition of marriage. Someone who has found her place in the world already, independent, not needing a man to complete her. To me, marriage is not entering in some form of definition, marriage is the simple formal declaration of kindred spirits. Marriage does not change who we are, or what roles we should assume in life. That's just my view.

As I get older, I realize that I'm probably in the 1% of men who are non traditional in their views of marriage. Probably stay single for the rest of my life, but that's ok. But I won't compromise on this.

its why we generalize in groups but we specifically seek compatibility


generally, as an adult, I expect all adults perfectly capable of doing anything they would do in taking care of themselves

I also expect, that in a relationship, it becomes about more than just self and so there has to be trade off and compromise to find a balance

Right, but that's part of acceptance, not assigning roles.

Having said that, I agree that when you move in together you come to agreement as far as who does what around the house. But that's just the house chores, and I honestly don't see any gender specific assignments. Guys can cook and clean, women should be able to do what men do (unless physically demanding I guess).

Same with children. Ok, some parts, like pregnancy and breastfeeding can't be shared, lol, but everything outside that is not defined by marriage imo.

But to me, the concept of a woman defining herself by her role in marriage (or her role in a relationship for that matter) is something I just can't come to grips with. Someone who says to herself, when I get married I'm going to stay at home and just cook and clean, I just can't understand. Didn't they have a life they enjoyed before? Don't thy still enjoy their job, their career?

I put this to you. If you never got married or been in a relationship, would you be a lesser person for it?

If you're older then marriage life will be different and yes there would be less constraints on both people so it would be a lot easier to share roles rather than divide them.

no one is better or worse because they decided to be married or single.

most people who do wish to be in a relationship have some type of 'ideal' they prefer,,,,,,but we cant control what life throws at us and we have to therefore adapt based upon what our priorities are.

Its a PRIORITY to me to live in a clean space, I prefer the way I do it so I would LOVE to have that be my 'job' and let the partner do some 'paid' job and leave me to mine.

however, its not a mandate, if I have the income and the man who wishes to be caretaker of our home.

I would be upset having it taken for granted that I should clean up after a grown man, while he sits at home on his butt(while he is at a JOB, that's a different matter)

though I probably would as long as it was occasional and not 'expected'

If you were addressing me, may I suggest reading it again? I didn't say the woman stays at home to do the homemaker part.
As for your later posting that you want a woman who's independent etc: I think we can safely say that like most single men, most single women are financially independent, since they're living on their own.
I was talking about the typical masculine that has the drive and need to protect and provide. The woman can make thrice as much as her man, that tendency should still be there. You're solely focusing on money, I'm not, all but. But it should extend to money as well. Would you leave your woman if she happened to lose her job? Or maybe had an accident and couldn't work anymore? Or couldn't find a job anymore?
Sorry .. not my kind of man ..

As for the OPs question, I wouldn't want to be at home doing the housekeeping stuff. I've got too many other things in my life. I've done that for some 5 years till my kids both went to school. The day my youngest went to kindergarten, I started a new job.

Both making equal amounts of money, no. I don't really care about a career, what's important to me is that I enjoy my work and that it makes me happy. I don't want to work full-time, nor can I physically work full-time.

Well, when you mention provide, I'm assuming finance. My post was not directed specifically at you btw, it was several posts I was answering.

Fyi, I provided and protected, as you say, through two marriage. In fact, I still provide financially.

As for protection, we all protect our own family. We all should be willing to do it, men or women. Yes, we men are generally more capable of physically protecting our loved ones.

I'm just guessing here, but I think what you're looking for is a feeling of security. If that's what you want in a relationship that's your prerogative of course. In my opinion it's not a sounds basis for forming one.

Best post I've read!

Not to me! I don't want adoration! I want respect and self respect! Adoration is for women who are above normal, working, realistic relationships! Once the adoration is gone, nothing remains! Ego driven personalities die the fastest! JMHO

Respect is a right. Adoration is earned and not a one way street. I adore women who adore me.

The majority of people do not earn enough to support a family in North America these days. It takes two incomes to cover the childrens future and save for retirement and many people still stuggle.

Tasks around the home should be shared and obviously if one is not working than the tasks may shift to that individual in a greater quanity. Both probably have tasks that they actually enjoy and prefer to do, while other tasks are shared when being done.

If people have a habit of picking up behind themselve's regularly this helps reduce these taskes.

Men still prefer to earn enough to support the family, but reality is this was not wanted, since the end of WWII. The shift in professional women is a wonderful benefit to society, but also has lead professional people to marry professional people. How many women that are part of the high income bracket marry's a man in the low income bracket. This is vary rare!

We still think as always in the normas of man and woman, but struggle to incorporate societal changes in our relationships. People do not accept the changes of maturity in their partner, because they are not the same person who they were. We develop greater life experiences that allows us to see world events different than we did.

The masculinity developing in women is driven by the social changes that have occured in the last seventy years. It is caused by both genders, but also how we see equality of rights that were fought for in the last seventy years. Single parent families add to this masculinity change and the behaviour a single parent imprints on the children. IMPRINT is a very important word in raising children.

We should not be placing blame on each other, but making points of relavence that can help create better Imprints in our lives and our children lives or future children. Life needs both men and women to exist!

Hii