This problem has got to be THE most difficult position I've ever been in. There's a certain male friend, who I've known for seven months. I have a gigantic crush on him. One morning, he asked me whether I fancy him. I admitted to him that I do. It took
a bit of courage to tell him. The huge problem, is that he's asked me if I'll be a bridesmaid at his wedding. You can only imagine how anxious it makes me feel. I'd agreed to it. This was while he was single. I don't want him to think that I don't like him. Wondering how to get myself out of being a bridesmaid. As it's bound to be torture for me. I don't mean to sound selfish. It's not easy for me. And him constantly telling me how special I am to him, while hugging me, certainly doesn't help.

can only say there is a huge communication gap ... fill that and re-work things

I am at a loss here. Someone doesn't suddenly get married.. You have known him for 7 months.. IN all that time you didn't know he was involved with someone?

I tell people all the time how special they are to me, and I hug many people that is just my style of who I am ... doesn't mean a thing sexually it means I am glad to spend time with them and I enjoy them in my world as people.

If you felt this way why in the world would you agree to being a bridesmaid in his wedding...

I think there is something seriously out of wack here... If it was me I would never have put myself in this position and if I found myself there I would either be damn happy that my friend found someone that he loves or bow out and fade away..

Good luck in what ever you decide

...but I rather not!!

Admitting just that can save your friendship.

Grow up! Do the right thing and help your friend.

Doesn't the bride select the bridesmaids? Have you spoken to her about this?
Even if she's okay with it, you could quietly tell her you're not comfortable in that position (the reason being you "don't like being up in front of people", you "don't want to get hit on the whole wedding and reception", you "may not be able to make it that day", etc), and she doesn't select you as one of the bridesmaids.

He can be difficult to talk to, sometimes, but I'll try my best.

Because I have this crush on him, is why I feel awkward about being a bridesmaid. I AM happy that he's found someone. He will always remain a good friend. I'm just wondering what's the best thing to do. Thanks.

Ouch. I was only looking for some helpful tips. Thanks anyway.

Sounds like a good enough idea. It's quite a weird situation to be in. Thanks for the help :)

I'm confused...but that's nothing new either: won't you be out the money for the cost of your dress?

Hmmm, you've known him such a brief {7 months is really brief} time and he's asking you "if you FANCY him"; and then he asked you to be part of his wedding...not just at the gift table/not at the punch or cake serving table --- but at the Bridesmaids group - where you'll line up as if you're part of the BRIDAL PARTY side of this event! That means a rehearsal supper - family event - explanations about who you are and why you are at the 'BRIDES' side of the line up --- GOOD GRIEF! And he knows that you've got a crush on him too! Something off about this situation - my antenna getting a serious 'HUM'!

Be honest and tell him - ASAP; you've reconsidered and found that this has made you uncomfortable and would prefer to remain his friend but do not want to participate in his wedding party - period! If he values your friendship he should accept this and not pressure you to change your mind! I've never heard of this before and I've been to many a unique wedding!

Just say, NO.
NO talking, NO questions, NO hugging, NO wedding, NO contact.

The minute sex or romance enters the situation .. you are NOT friends.
He is probably booking you as his Future Mistress, since he already has a Future wife.

To be honest I went through this exact thing when I was about 21. He was my best guy friend and ended up getting this chick he barely knew pregnant and married her shortly after. I agreed to be the photographer for his wedding and it was pretty hard on me. After the wedding he had a wife and a baby and no more time for me in his life. I didn't have a choice but to move on but a married man is and should be too focused on his wife to keep you around in any substantial way. I think in a way his wife knew we were close enough that she didn't want me around messing things up for them. It's probably time to move on if you really do have feelings for him.

Is this for real? You have to ask what you should do? Come on!

He's about to get married but asks if you fancy him...
He's single yet thinks of you as only a bridesmaid...
He's hugging you, saying you're special as he prepares to marry another...

Quit pulling our chain. You know exactly what to do.

I'm not sure the "best thing to do" would actually help you.
What are you actually capable of?

I mean you said/typed

It seems he had to drag it out of you.
You never just told him.
It took you courage to answer his question.
And more than likely you were behaving in ways that he picked up on because you couldn't tell him until he got tired of it and just asked directly.

So basically you had to build up courage to just say the word "yes" to someone you have a "gigantic crush" on.
It seems you never acted on your crush, you never communicated your feelings, you did nothing until he (in a sense) chased you down and forced you to say something.


If people are being objective and come up with the "best thing to do" do you believe you can actually do it? You had all the motivation in the world to do something about your crush, but you didn't do anything.

Are they going to say something and then you are going to do it but hold everyone else responsible for what you do?
Are you going to feel like "well they told me what to do!"
Are you being driven by what you think is the best thing for you to do, or do you just want to go hide and put yourself on automatic doing what other people tell you so you don't have to really take responsibility for your own behavior and feelings?

Or are they going to tell you the best thing to do and you are going to not be able to do it and then feel bad about yourself? Because you can't or won't ultimately do it?

And what happens if they tell you the best thing to do but you don't do it correctly? Will you then think the advice is all a bunch of crap? Even though with the proper application it would have worked great?
So in the future when something like this comes up you do the exact opposite of the best thing to do and only dig yourself into a worse situation not knowing what to do?



So, realistically, what are you capable of?
Can you actually communicate with him honestly?
Do you need to write it all down in a letter and mail it to him then hide in your house?
Do you need to just disappear, cry for a bit, and then find someone new to play the "just friends" game with unless this guy comes chasing you down again?
Do you need to just grin and bear it and then run away to the forums and use complete strangers as your diary and confidence and go back to normal?

What is a practical solution based on what you can actually do?

OP, it's not advisable to set your heart on things that are not yours.
Enough said.

agreed. Probably lucky, you got away.

Don't make a second mistake like making a martyr of yourself.
Go ahead to the wedding; enjoy, meetup new guys, girls, old dogs, young cats
why deny yourself such hard earned status

most important lesson
quit being a hugmate (at this age??)

or try some Indian curry, (i mean a restaurant)
won't clear up the head but the pain will be a distant memory

For some strange reason, reminded of Margaret Thatcher.
what a woman; what a comeback