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| Topic: Profile Turn-offs And Pet peeves? | |
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Time for me to make a serious comment. I don't quite understand people who put pictures of their kids on here. Each to their own but there is some weirdos kicking around. I often think they must be new to dating sites, and therefor don't quite realise what they're letting themselves in for. It certainly wouldn't be something I would do. Quite right, there should be some distance between your kids and any potential partner until you know them well enough to include in your life. It's one thing to say you've got kids but to post pictures is dangerous and many don't realize how easy it is to find where you live from your pictures especially on social sites. |
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Time for me to make a serious comment. I don't quite understand people who put pictures of their kids on here. Each to their own but there is some weirdos kicking around. I often think they must be new to dating sites, and therefor don't quite realise what they're letting themselves in for. It certainly wouldn't be something I would do. I had just added new photo's  Advice taken / thank you
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Profile pet peeves....don't really have them. But I really only look at profiles when someone says something in the forums that I leaves an impression...either good or bad. Sometimes it's to see if my snap judgment of them was correct, or sometimes it's learn more because they impressed me with their comments. in either case it doesn't really matter if its filled out or not, they don't owe me anything, sure if it is filled out it may lead to me messaging them because I'm interested in their opinions on a particular topic. But it also may mean that I superficially judge that my initial snap-judgment was correct and I don't message at all, and then skip most of their posts because Im not interested in their opinions and don't want to waste my time reading them....unless im really bored. but filled out or not, content is an advertisement for who they are, all I can do is decide is I'm interested in that advertisement. Your advertisement analogy is perfect as it illustrates the reality that a person has less than 10 seconds to compete with dozens of other chatters in order I think this is where I differ, yes the profile is an advertisement, but I believe it should be an accurate advertisement of who an individual is...you know 'truth in advertising'. I think my issue with advising what someone should and shouldn't put on their profile gives them a better opportunity to 'customize' and hide who they 'actually' are and actually 'target' an individual that they most likely aren't a good match for. I could list what i PERSONALLY don't like to see in a profile, but what I don't like, and what another guy doesn't like most likely will be two different things. I'm sure there are some 'general best practices' with profile etiquette. However, you run into the same thing I said above, you may not be seeing the 'real' individual. For example; You say 'don't have a shirtless pic' and 'smile'. Well what if the guy doesn't smile all the time, or takes shirtless pics constantly and puts them on Instagram...should he adjust his behavior just because he might 'have a higher chance with his 'target'? Or should he just go on being himself, and hopefully attract a women that likes that he's proud of his body? because she is also proud of hers and takes the same kind of photos? So after all that, the only advice I'd give for anyone on their profile....is to be genuine in who they are, so that that when someone does find their profile, and reads it, it connects with what that individual is actually looking for...instead of some superficial 'best practices' that try to force people to conform into something they may not be. You have a valid point of view and i understand your concern about the implications of this thread i started . I just wanna make sure that i clarify the difference between showcasing THE BEST of who we are versus pretending to be someone who we are not. . To paraphrase and answer your question about if a guy should adjust his behaviour to increase his chances with his target , as opposed to being himself and attracting a person who likes him in his own skin, my response is this... He is not obligated to adjust, but what is so wrong with adjusting if it helps him to get what he wants? Dont we as humans adjust our mannerisms EVERYDAY to get what we want whether it be at work, in our relationships or even at school ? The make up women wear, the stiff suits we wear at work or to weddings... refraining from cussing publicly in some environments... All of those practices are built on the principle of adjusting to get the responses we want. When we are home , some of us walk around with holes in our pants, picking our noses and passing gas loudly. That part of ourselves is VERY REAL and likely to be the person that our mate will eventually see if they come to live with us. But do we need to showcase that side of ourselves the first time we are meeting someone ? A good first impression isnt about advertising who you are not. Its about advertising the best of who you are to get the results that you want.And yes ...sometimes it does require making adjustments but non of us are one dimensional anyway. We showcase different sides of ourselves all the time in response to our needs or what an environment requires. Even the guy who you referred to in your example who doesnt like to smile, somehow manages to whip out a grin when the occasion calls for it. But no one should assume that the side we choose to show at any given time is ALL of who we are. Hopefully after being lured by a chatter's profile, people are smart enough to understand that they will have to investigate the less glossy sides of ge person over time and ultimately decide if they will embrace the person as a whole or not. Hope that explanation makes sense. I tried my best  |
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i doesn't annoy me any, but.. "looking for an activity partner" what kind of activity?  TBH I might be nieve but I first thought it meant like a friend to simply do things with, we all want and need friends to just hang out with from time to time, doesn't have to always be a best friend or even a partner. But after chatting to some other ladies on here I'm getting the impression that this phase "activity partner" is loosly a way of saying "friends with benefits" as for that very same reason you ask "what activity?" and what kind of partner. Which is unnecessary as there is already a listing for "intimate encounters" so makes me wonder what it was intended to means too. Maybe someone should email the site admins to clarify it's correct use. exactly what i thought !! i thought it may mean "friends with benefits" and then thought " why is there this 'intimate encounters' option then?" I had mine set to "activity partner" when I first joined and got 10 to 15 messages a day. One conversation I was having with this girl got weird very fast and she kept saying she wanted a relationship not just activity which is why I get the FWB idea, now I've changed it to looking for friends a few days ago and since then no one messages, I can only guess no one wants to be friends (unless it's with benefits, lol).  ahahhahaha really laughed at this one esp. "One conversation I was having with this girl got weird very fast" lol :DDDDD |
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i doesn't annoy me any, but.. "looking for an activity partner" what kind of activity? TBH I might be nieve but I first thought it meant like a friend to simply do things with, we all want and need friends to just hang out with from time to time, doesn't have to always be a best friend or even a partner. But after chatting to some other ladies on here I'm getting the impression that this phase "activity partner" is loosly a way of saying "friends with benefits" as for that very same reason you ask "what activity?" and what kind of partner. Which is unnecessary as there is already a listing for "intimate encounters" so makes me wonder what it was intended to means too. Maybe someone should email the site admins to clarify it's correct use. exactly what i thought !! i thought it may mean "friends with benefits" and then thought " why is there this 'intimate encounters' option then?" I had mine set to "activity partner" when I first joined and got 10 to 15 messages a day. One conversation I was having with this girl got weird very fast and she kept saying she wanted a relationship not just activity which is why I get the FWB idea, now I've changed it to looking for friends a few days ago and since then no one messages, I can only guess no one wants to be friends (unless it's with benefits, lol). ahahhahaha really laughed at this one esp. "One conversation I was having with this girl got weird very fast" lol :DDDDD Lol |
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Edited by
butribu
on
Tue 01/12/16 01:24 PM
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Time for me to make a serious comment. I don't quite understand people who put pictures of their kids on here. Each to their own but there is some weirdos kicking around. I often think they must be new to dating sites, and therefor don't quite realise what they're letting themselves in for. It certainly wouldn't be something I would do. i saw a few of them, i thought it was weird. then i thought maybe it's the culture difference and that is normal to them.. so i am not the only one finding it weird. i had this other idea: if this not only weird to me but really a weird thing to do, they may be wanting to give the message "i have kids, and they come first, they have priority, accept me if you will accept with this fact" |
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Edited by
butribu
on
Tue 01/12/16 01:23 PM
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Time for me to make a serious comment. I don't quite understand people who put pictures of their kids on here. Each to their own but there is some weirdos kicking around. I often think they must be new to dating sites, and therefor don't quite realise what they're letting themselves in for. It certainly wouldn't be something I would do. i saw a few of them, i thought it was weird. then i thought maybe it's the culture different and that is normal to them.. so i am not the only one finding it weird. i had this other idea: if this not only weird to me but really a weird thing to do, they may be wanting to give the message "i have kids, and they come first, they have priority, accept me if you will accept with this fact" That's a fair point and I'd never thought of it that way. Personally I'd rather make that point in writing but I get your drift. |
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i doesn't annoy me any, but.. "looking for an activity partner" what kind of activity? TBH I might be nieve but I first thought it meant like a friend to simply do things with, we all want and need friends to just hang out with from time to time, doesn't have to always be a best friend or even a partner. But after chatting to some other ladies on here I'm getting the impression that this phase "activity partner" is loosly a way of saying "friends with benefits" as for that very same reason you ask "what activity?" and what kind of partner. Which is unnecessary as there is already a listing for "intimate encounters" so makes me wonder what it was intended to means too. Maybe someone should email the site admins to clarify it's correct use. exactly what i thought !! i thought it may mean "friends with benefits" and then thought " why is there this 'intimate encounters' option then?" Wait a minute.... what about visiting museums, art galleries...etc... they are innocent activities that will help develop a bond.. that maybe will lead to.... |
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i doesn't annoy me any, but.. "looking for an activity partner" what kind of activity? TBH I might be nieve but I first thought it meant like a friend to simply do things with, we all want and need friends to just hang out with from time to time, doesn't have to always be a best friend or even a partner. But after chatting to some other ladies on here I'm getting the impression that this phase "activity partner" is loosly a way of saying "friends with benefits" as for that very same reason you ask "what activity?" and what kind of partner. Which is unnecessary as there is already a listing for "intimate encounters" so makes me wonder what it was intended to means too. Maybe someone should email the site admins to clarify it's correct use. exactly what i thought !! i thought it may mean "friends with benefits" and then thought " why is there this 'intimate encounters' option then?" Wait a minute.... what about visiting museums, art galleries...etc... they are innocent activities that will help develop a bond.. that maybe will lead to.... Exactly what we're saying Mikey, nothing wrong with having a few activities but I think some are getting the wrong idea from the phase "activity partner" |
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i doesn't annoy me any, but.. "looking for an activity partner" what kind of activity? TBH I might be nieve but I first thought it meant like a friend to simply do things with, we all want and need friends to just hang out with from time to time, doesn't have to always be a best friend or even a partner. But after chatting to some other ladies on here I'm getting the impression that this phase "activity partner" is loosly a way of saying "friends with benefits" as for that very same reason you ask "what activity?" and what kind of partner. Which is unnecessary as there is already a listing for "intimate encounters" so makes me wonder what it was intended to means too. Maybe someone should email the site admins to clarify it's correct use. exactly what i thought !! i thought it may mean "friends with benefits" and then thought " why is there this 'intimate encounters' option then?" Wait a minute.... what about visiting museums, art galleries...etc... they are innocent activities that will help develop a bond.. that maybe will lead to.... u are right i have been sinister sorry :( |
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Profile pet peeves....don't really have them. But I really only look at profiles when someone says something in the forums that I leaves an impression...either good or bad. Sometimes it's to see if my snap judgment of them was correct, or sometimes it's learn more because they impressed me with their comments. in either case it doesn't really matter if its filled out or not, they don't owe me anything, sure if it is filled out it may lead to me messaging them because I'm interested in their opinions on a particular topic. But it also may mean that I superficially judge that my initial snap-judgment was correct and I don't message at all, and then skip most of their posts because Im not interested in their opinions and don't want to waste my time reading them....unless im really bored. but filled out or not, content is an advertisement for who they are, all I can do is decide is I'm interested in that advertisement. Your advertisement analogy is perfect as it illustrates the reality that a person has less than 10 seconds to compete with dozens of other chatters in order I think this is where I differ, yes the profile is an advertisement, but I believe it should be an accurate advertisement of who an individual is...you know 'truth in advertising'. I think my issue with advising what someone should and shouldn't put on their profile gives them a better opportunity to 'customize' and hide who they 'actually' are and actually 'target' an individual that they most likely aren't a good match for. I could list what i PERSONALLY don't like to see in a profile, but what I don't like, and what another guy doesn't like most likely will be two different things. I'm sure there are some 'general best practices' with profile etiquette. However, you run into the same thing I said above, you may not be seeing the 'real' individual. For example; You say 'don't have a shirtless pic' and 'smile'. Well what if the guy doesn't smile all the time, or takes shirtless pics constantly and puts them on Instagram...should he adjust his behavior just because he might 'have a higher chance with his 'target'? Or should he just go on being himself, and hopefully attract a women that likes that he's proud of his body? because she is also proud of hers and takes the same kind of photos? So after all that, the only advice I'd give for anyone on their profile....is to be genuine in who they are, so that that when someone does find their profile, and reads it, it connects with what that individual is actually looking for...instead of some superficial 'best practices' that try to force people to conform into something they may not be. You have a valid point of view and i understand your concern about the implications of this this conversation thread . I just wanna make sure that i clarify the difference between showcasing THE BEST of who we are versus pretending to be someone who we are not. . To paraphrase and answer your question about if a guy should adjust his behaviour to increase his chances with his target , as opposed to being himself and attracting a person who likes him in his own skin, my response is this... He is not obligated to adjust, but what is so wrong with adjusting if it helps him to get what he wants? Dont we as humans adjust our mannerisms EVERYDAY to get what we want? The make up women wear, the stiff suits we wear at work or to weddings... refraining from cussing in some environments... All of those practices are built on the principle of adjusting to get the responses we want. When we are home , some of us walk around with holes in our pants, picking our noses and passing gas loudly. That part of ourselves is VERY REAL and likely to be the person that our mate will eventually see if they come to live with us. But do we need to showcase that side of ourselves the first time we are meeting someone ? A good first impression isnt about advertising who you are not. Its about advertising the best of who you are to get the results that you want.And yes ...sometimes it does require making adjustments in the angles we choose to highlight, but non of us are one dimensional anyway. We showcase different sides of ourselves all the time in response to our needs or what an environment requires. Even the guy who you referred to in your example who doesnt like to smile, somehow manages to whip out a grin when the occasion calls for it. But no one should assume that the side we choose to show at any given time is ALL of who we are. Hopefully after being lured by a chatter's profile, people are smart enough to understand that they will have to investigate the less glossy sides of the person over time and ultimately decide if they will embrace the person as a whole or not. Hope that explanation makes sense. I tried my best |
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not only speaking for the site ; i would never put photos of my kids/grandkids anywhere on internet while there are perverts, pedophiles, maniacs, all kind of sick people all around.
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For a long time I have thought it was strange for someone to put their kids picture on a dating site, especially really young kids and babies. It turns me off. I see a lot of this. Also, when someone writes on their profile mainly about your kids, ok, I understand you're proud, but I don't want to date them. Save some of that for a future talk.
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Pet peeve when cuties like peggy122 live on the other side of the world rather peeved indeed  "No public listing" of Trinidad on the Mingle2 county list.  haha! . I was not checking the competition...  I was frustrated as well when i didnt see my country of trinidad in.the listing but they offered it in the category of city/town. I had to end up putting barbados in the country slot because that was the closest caribbean island to my country that mingle2 offers on the menu. Try finding trinidad on the world map if u.have the time. . Its on the right hand side of venezuela |
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Pet peeve when cuties like peggy122 live on the other side of the world rather peeved indeed "No public listing" of Trinidad on the Mingle2 county list. haha! . I was not checking the competition... I was frustrated as well when i didnt see my country of trinidad in.the listing but they offered it in the category of city/town. I had to end up putting barbados in the country slot because that was the closest caribbean island to my country that mingle2 offers on the menu. Try finding trinidad on the world map if u.have the time. . Its on the right hand side of venezuela I've been to Trinidad, about 3 years ago, is it the courtyard Marriot I stayed in, I think that was the name, didn't see much of it, I was working, some nice yachts down there. I can't remember the name of the bar I used to go to at night, but down by the mariner somewhere, nice place |
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i know that i have been saying that i cant be with someone from the site because of distance, but somehow i have been speaking to 1 person that caught my interest. and within 24 hrs he started showing the signs of wanting to talk about those "intimate" things. i found it very awkward. is it me being funny? is that normal to go that fast? were i supposed to carry on speaking as if making love is a very daily spoken subject?
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i know that i have been saying that i cant be with someone from the site because of distance, but somehow i have been speaking to 1 person that caught my interest. and within 24 hrs he started showing the signs of wanting to talk about those "intimate" things. i found it very awkward. is it me being funny? is that normal to go that fast? were i supposed to carry on speaking as if making love is a very daily spoken subject? Far too quick I think. Each to their own but 24 hours is a little bit much I would say. I am getting old though and losing my touch so I may be wrong 
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Tue 01/12/16 03:39 PM
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i know that i have been saying that i cant be with someone from the site because of distance, but somehow i have been speaking to 1 person that caught my interest. and within 24 hrs he started showing the signs of wanting to talk about those "intimate" things. i found it very awkward. is it me being funny? is that normal to go that fast? were i supposed to carry on speaking as if making love is a very daily spoken subject? I understand your discomfort butribu. Many people join chat sites for the purpose of having cyber sex with as many people as possible. I havent met any of them so far in mingles but its extremely popular in one of the other chat sites I visited. Its a real turn off for me |
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Joe and Peggy
thank for your comments i really needed to hear your comments. it looks like he was one of THEM. anyway i blocked him everywhere. |
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