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Topic: So if you're such a great catch ...
SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Thu 05/05/16 03:32 AM
Edited by SparklingCrystal 💖💎 on Thu 05/05/16 03:33 AM

Everyone on dating sites say they're are funny, good company, sociable, good listeners/conversationalists, respectful, bladiblablar.

Way back when there was newspaper and magazine dating sections where people were restricted by space or how many letters they could afford people had to concisely describe themselves in as positive a way as possible to be as attractive to as many people as possible.

People then went to the internet and brought that style with them.
And now it's just perpetuated.

Those people that are "everyone on dating sites say..." aren't taking a lot of time to think about what they're writing, they're just trying to get the quickest thing out there that conveys the most generally attractive qualities as possible to get the most amount of responses.

If you truly are all that, then why do you (have to) resort to dating sites to find dates/a partner?

This seems to be like asking "if Mercedes' are such great cars, why do they have to resort to advertising?"

Just wondering if it's a myth that you only find "left-overs" online.

I think when you're over 30, 40, 50, 60, and you've been actively using online dating sites for 10, 20 years, then you can probably start considering you are either a "left-over" or you don't really want to be in a long term relationship.

if you are truly such a great catch ... men/women should be falling at your feet? So what the heck are you doing here?

Maybe the "right one" isn't falling at their feet.
Maybe people fall at their feet every day.
Maybe the people that fall at their feet are a certain type or "quality." But they're all the unwanted kind.
Maybe they've had so many "unwanted kind" falling at their feet those are the only kind they can really identify anymore.

They've acclimated to the ease by which they spot the "unwanted kind."
They may have the "right one" fall at their feet but since they don't really act the same as the "unwanted kind" their behavior is not understood.
Eventually, day after day after day of the "unwanted kind" falling for them they are going to go somewhere to 1. get away from them, 2. try a new venue to find the "right one."

If a million people come up and slap you and steal your money for every 1 person that comes up and ignores you as their way to communicate wanting to give you money, you're going to spend more time and learn to spot those that are going to hurt you, not give you stuff.
And eventually, you'll move and look for a place where people aren't slapping you.

Not to mention, one thing that isn't ever mentioned in this stuff ("funny, good company, sociable, good listeners/conversationalists, respectful, bladiblablar") is "highly capable in making good dating decisions and identifying the ideal partner."

-Do people not socialize enough anymore to find someone in real life?

The internet is just becoming "real life."
There is less disconnect.
There's less "live my life la dee da, then go home and sit on a desk top for too long oh no it's detracting from what I really want and should do, I have to disconnect, wake up and go back to my real life tomorrow, and then come back to my second world."
Internet is incorporating into basic social interaction and fulfilling what people want and should do in their daily life.
Some people treat it as a second existence. To more and more it's just real life.

-Are their practical reasons?

There are always practical reasons not to do something.

-Or are many ppl on dating sites "leftovers" after all?

IMO yes, if you're referring to something more like "bottom of the barrel" or the "dregs."
Online dating sites are no different than the corner bar.
Eventually, over time, it's mostly just the bar flies and alcoholics, and neighborhood regulars.
The "new meat" want the shiny new dance club that is catering to them.







Yes, true, especially this part I like, and was sort of what I was interested in finding out about:

The internet is just becoming "real life."
There is less disconnect.
There's less "live my life la dee da, then go home and sit on a desk top for too long oh no it's detracting from what I really want and should do, I have to disconnect, wake up and go back to my real life tomorrow, and then come back to my second world."
Internet is incorporating into basic social interaction and fulfilling what people want and should do in their daily life.
Some people treat it as a second existence. To more and more it's just real life.


IgorFrankensteen's photo
Thu 05/05/16 04:24 AM
Internet, 'Real Life.' Internet is BECOMING 'Real Life?'

Something to add in to your consideration of this, which I think is true, is that the internet has led to a very rapid alteration of the very fabric of what the anti-net snobs still pretend is "Real Life."

Notice how many brick and mortar store fronts are going away or already gone, despite the products they marketed still being popular? It's not just Blockbuster that dissolved away. All kinds of 'Real World' things are going or gone. And like movie rentals and books, 'Real World' formats for our lives didn't go away because everyone wants to hover at home in front of LCD's, they went away because of MONEY.

Online dating is just a very small part of the much larger economic revolution that started over fifty years ago now, and is only now starting to become obvious. One by one, 'Real Life' dating VENUES have been closing due to money. Costs of doing business remained high (mainly real estate costs), but wages were steadily reduced for all the people who wanted to frequent them.

There were once a dozen or more nice places to go dancing regularly in my area. Now they are all gone. All of them.

People still TELL others all the time that they should "get out from behind your keyboard and go look for a mate in 'Real Life,' but when people go out looking, they increasingly find that 'Real Life' actually isn't there anymore.


peggy122's photo
Thu 05/05/16 04:25 AM
Edited by peggy122 on Thu 05/05/16 04:51 AM
I think it's one thing to go and meet people in your town, but I think it's another thing to find someone who is compatible. Being a great catch doesn't mean that you can easily find the right person to catch you laugh

I have a feeling that many of the people here have had their fair share of dating, break ups and divorces, and are now very clear about what they want and more selective about the mate they choose.

Maybe some people see dating sites(by virtue of the sheer volume of people there), as a means of increasing their prospects of finding that seemingly elusive right match for them.

And I think people appreciate the convenience that online dating affords them, especially in the screening/weeding process. Often you can guage a person's unsuitability in a mere minutes online without potentially wasting all that time, energy and money typically required for offline dates.

Annierooroo's photo
Thu 05/05/16 04:45 AM
I am far from a catch.
I was thinking maybe I should be on the program the undateable?
I am definitely not a blonde, long leg skinny model type lady but I don't care cause I'm me and proud of what I have grown into.
If he has a problem he can deal with it lol

no photo
Thu 05/05/16 07:08 AM
Edited by Mary_Malone on Thu 05/05/16 07:13 AM

Everyone on dating sites say they're are funny, good company, sociable, good listeners/conversationalists, respectful, bladiblablar.



I would probably put that I'm sociable, but not any of the other things you listed. I at least want men to know that I'm talkative.



If you truly are all that, then why do you (have to) resort to dating sites to find dates/a partner?
Why can't you find one in real life? Or do you?



I couldn't help laughing at this particular question, because a friend of mine, boasts how he's so brilliant, yet he finds it unfathomable, why he always gets rejected by women. If only he knew. :eyeroll:.


I wouldn't ever go around thinking I'm all that. I'd leave that kind of opinion up to the man. The day I start claiming I'm all that and a bag of chips, is the day someone should put me on a 5150 hold, in a psychiatric hospital.



Just wondering if it's a myth that you only find "left-overs" online. I don't really believe that myth myself ...
But still ... if you are truly such a great catch ... men/women should be falling at your feet? So what the heck are you doing here?



Ha ha. I don't get men falling at my feet. If only. I just go by wherever life takes me at the time.



-Do people not socialize enough anymore to find someone in real life?
-Are their practical reasons?
-Or are many ppl on dating sites "leftovers" after all?



I do socialize in real life. It's just that either they are already married, or constantly bringing up their ex.


About the "leftovers" thing, we all become someone's leftovers at some point.



*Not getting at Mingle per say, so "I'm here for the forums" is not what I'm interested in, lol*



Well, each to their own. Maybe they feel lonely. When you live on your own, you sometimes find yourself wanting to talk, when your friends have already gone to sleep. Especially when it gets to around 9pm.


Another reason for some being on here might be, that their physically disabled, and find it difficult getting out of the home.,to go outside and meet others. Some might have mental illnesses. Some would rather talk online, because being outside truly bugs them, especially if they're autistic to some degree.


Funny that we never consider whether they have anything holding them back, from dating offline.

no photo
Thu 05/05/16 07:26 AM
Edited by Mary_Malone on Thu 05/05/16 07:31 AM
I admit, I have had certain bothersome men, trying to flirt with me, yet I felt no attraction to them. Yet they try to come back for more rejection. They're setting themselves up for failure. And they are annoying. Those ones. laugh. I can't see to all their problems. I told one to tell his community nurse about his problems. Any excuse to try and bother me, it seems. I make it clear that I'm not attracted to them. This can't be classed as bragging, because I just want rid of them. I think I'll hire a security gaurd to live with me. laugh. This wouldn't happen if I still lived in the care home, because I was more secure in there. Goodness me. It might be raining men, but not one's that I actually care to spend time with. They're just friends, but even then it's risky. Where's a good safeguarding team when you need one? Pretend I'm dead. laugh

no1phD's photo
Thu 05/05/16 08:42 AM
Edited by no1phD on Thu 05/05/16 08:44 AM
What's wrong with leftovers?..
Leftover lasagna left over Pizza..
Leftovers are the best..lol..

There's Lotsa reasons for being on a dating site.. none of which have anything to do with being ..a left over... are disenfranchised...
It's just another tool in the dating Game Bang... I like to think of it as investing without actually investing..
Window shopping...lol.. and in the offline world people don't actually throw themselves at you.. and if you have a busy work life.. or family life..
It is actually hard to meet people to socialize with... if you work five maybe even six days a week.. not a lot of time in there.. that leaves you what! trips to the local grocery store.. maybe the weekend trip to the Home Improvement Box Store..hmm..
Oh @!!..I suppose you can always go to one of those loud obnoxious bars.. or perhaps a coffee bar somewhere, waiting, for your perfect match to come walking in.. and throw themselves at you... oh wait a minute here comes a very attractive brunette... and she has desperation written all over her.. yep !!..it's go time..lol..

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Thu 05/05/16 01:00 PM

What's wrong with leftovers?..
Leftover lasagna left over Pizza..
Leftovers are the best..lol..

There's Lotsa reasons for being on a dating site.. none of which have anything to do with being ..a left over... are disenfranchised...
It's just another tool in the dating Game Bang... I like to think of it as investing without actually investing..
Window shopping...lol.. and in the offline world people don't actually throw themselves at you.. and if you have a busy work life.. or family life..
It is actually hard to meet people to socialize with... if you work five maybe even six days a week.. not a lot of time in there.. that leaves you what! trips to the local grocery store.. maybe the weekend trip to the Home Improvement Box Store..hmm..
Oh @!!..I suppose you can always go to one of those loud obnoxious bars.. or perhaps a coffee bar somewhere, waiting, for your perfect match to come walking in.. and throw themselves at you... oh wait a minute here comes a very attractive brunette... and she has desperation written all over her.. yep !!..it's go time..lol..

Ah, so you don't frequent that bar that looks like a huge tin can?
Dang, why do I remember things that are absolutely not important? *scratches head, looking puzzled*

And wondering where you saw me? I was indeed out, but don't think I looked all that desperate?

blah..blah..'s photo
Thu 05/05/16 01:03 PM
I'm far from a good catch!!

So I'll just watch from now on
drinker

no1phD's photo
Thu 05/05/16 04:28 PM


What's wrong with leftovers?..
Leftover lasagna left over Pizza..
Leftovers are the best..lol..

There's Lotsa reasons for being on a dating site.. none of which have anything to do with being ..a left over... are disenfranchised...
It's just another tool in the dating Game Bang... I like to think of it as investing without actually investing..
Window shopping...lol.. and in the offline world people don't actually throw themselves at you.. and if you have a busy work life.. or family life..
It is actually hard to meet people to socialize with... if you work five maybe even six days a week.. not a lot of time in there.. that leaves you what! trips to the local grocery store.. maybe the weekend trip to the Home Improvement Box Store..hmm..
Oh @!!..I suppose you can always go to one of those loud obnoxious bars.. or perhaps a coffee bar somewhere, waiting, for your perfect match to come walking in.. and throw themselves at you... oh wait a minute here comes a very attractive brunette... and she has desperation written all over her.. yep !!..it's go time..lol..

Ah, so you don't frequent that bar that looks like a huge tin can?
Dang, why do I remember things that are absolutely not important? *scratches head, looking puzzled*

And wondering where you saw me? I was indeed out, but don't think I looked all that desperate?
.. it's called the druid.. not So Much Anymore..

Rock's photo
Thu 05/05/16 08:10 PM
I'm saving myself for someone special.


eric_benjamin_roy's photo
Thu 05/05/16 08:41 PM
*Hahaha

*thats what i asked on forum once.why your thought so similiar with me,thats what i keep thinking always if someone say those words...

*None trying to be real.Everyone lives in dream,Not in reality...

*and most important thing is,instead of giving love,everyone asking for love...

PacificStar48's photo
Thu 05/05/16 09:16 PM

Some very interesting points you raise there, Pacific! Esp. the points about if you get rejected or reject someone yourself.

On the other hand side, doesn't that sort of work against us? As in, because this part is easier, we easier talk to people without real interest in them? Or talk when we aren't willing/ready to make a commitment, because you know you can easily reject the other anyways. Something you wouldn't so easily get away with in real life...

Doesn't this enhance the playing field of the a-holes, I wonder?
And wouldn't it make us a tad lazy when it comes to dating, flirting and so on?

The section on the cost of dating .. yes! I have very little to spend, which makes going out / dating very difficult for me.
Online is easier, cheaper. Offers a greater 'assortment', but also means more sifting to do ... harder to find one that could really be the right one.


I have found that the "process' is fairer in some ways and less fair in others.

I find myself trying to write a profile that gives criteria of what I am looking for so that I don't have to reject someone or waste their resources dating me when their is no future. I don't know if that is selfish or lazy as much as it is just trying to be considerate.

I think there are a lot of great people on on Mingle but they are just at different stages of life or have different needs that I could or would want to try and be. I have seen people that I think "Holy cow why couldn't that guy be in my neighborhood tears because I am so love love love the looks, personality and so on but knowing that the whole distance thing would be pretty much impossible.

Yea I do think it does tend to amplify the ability of the A-hole to be smooth operators. One thing I have found is if you have a wide pool of online friends you can usually find a local to help you do the reality check. It is nice to be able to go to the scammer sites and out the punks a little faster.

Since I have never been that great at flirting I don't know if the online thing enhances that or hurts it. I have had people I volunteer with say they thought I must be married or have a boyfriend because I just did not try to "hustle " the guys.

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