I've always tried to be a honest person that doesn't mess with people feelings, but I keep ending up being the one that gets mess about with. Some of my family have said that I'm to nice to people that don't deserve it but that's just the way I am. Just getting fed up of being the one that gets hurt all the time. Hopefully one day I'll meet the right person

I can relate to that....
But I had an epiphany....
Now I'm a manipulative arsehole....
Life is so much better....

You dont need to change yourself just because you are tired of being messed up. You are a man. Always remember that. You just have to be a lot careful next time so you wont be badly hurt.
I, too, was messed up by a lot of people whom I trusted several times before. I was badly hurt that sometimes I thought of getting even.
However, I always hold back. I always remind myself of how loving I am.
I dont let hatred and pain eat my heart out.

I fully understand what you're saying, just hard sometimes to stay positive, but we live and learn

Haha if you are feeling down, you can talk to me, I can have an inspirational talk lol.
Im always fighting for positivism everyday.
I need to be so that I can inspire people around me.

Being a good person isn't wrong. But if you get messed about, you gotta work out where you go wrong for yourself.
Do you have healthy boundaries? The first time someone asked me that, I thought "Boundaries? WTH are those? What ya mean boundaries?" Took me a few years to work that one out, believe it or not.
It comes with developing some sort of antenna, to know when the other is going to far, so it's at your expense, or not.
In order for that to work, you also need to know what is okay for you, how far you are willing to go and still feel good and when it is too much and you start to feel 'messed about'.
A nice clue ... if you only find out later on you've been messed about, not at the moment, you aren't really aware of your boundaries and/or your antenna needs a bit more work.

All in all nothing to despair about. We all get polished by life, trial and error. Learning and discovering.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice

Never change for negative people if you are being messed about in life by friends then they are not real friends.
Or if it is in love the you haven,t found the right person.
If you allow yourself to be forced into change then how can you find someone who will love you for you.
Stay strong and be positive Karma will bite back one day xx

I actually relate to this ALOT.

Please humor me as I boldly put myself in the "nice people "category.

The thing about really nice people is that we are often clueless abiut the intentions of people.

We react so organically to the generous spirit inside ourselves, that we seldom ever stop to assess if the receivers of our kindness are nice or even grateful for our kindness .

But the reality of the situation is that some of the receivers are NOT NICE. Some receivers are selfish, ungrateful or exploitive.

The receivers will never tell us that. Its up to us to observe the attitudes and actions of people not just towards us but towards others as well.

I think it was Bob Marley who said...

" The truth is, everyone's going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for"

Nice people have to consciously assess if the people we want to give our whole hearts to , are worth the sacrifices and the suffering we will endure for them

If we make that choice consciously, I think we will operate more from a vantage view of empowerment rather than at the bottom of someone"s shoes.

I won't change the way I am, just might be a bit more careful about opening my heart to someone now, there's only so much you can take xx

You sound like a really nice person and I appreciate your words of wisdom

Thank you

What you describe are traits that make you you... those things are important the the trick is not to allow people to take advantage of you and yes there will be times that happens learn from it. And go on since you are still you.

Maybe they don't deserve you being nice and yet when I am nice to someone isn't for them it is me being me and that is all that matters.


And yes someday you will meet the perfectly imperfect person for you.
Bottom line for me is being true to who I am at all times.

As they say " don't ever change"
My son is exactly like you in this way. Sometimes it annoys me how nice and generous he is and sometimes he gets taken advantage of. But then I can say how proud I am of him and so very thankful that this is who he is rather than the alternative.

is only a means of avoiding stress.

If you're yourself, you're used to that expenditure of effort, energy, and focus. It's normal, natural, causes no stress.

If you aren't yourself, you are expending more effort, energy, and focus to maintain a facade above and beyond yourself.
Usually as a means to protect your true self.

The greater dissonance between the two, the greater the stress.

People hate stress.
It's a killer.

But people will accept it in order to obtain something they desire/value more, or to avoid a fear associated with the vulnerability of their true selves.
For a while, at least. Eventually the stress becomes too much.
That's when you get "I need my space!" and "man caves" and things like that.

Being yourself is solely about efficiency and avoiding stress.
There's no quid pro quo. You are not entitled to anything by being yourself. It's solely for your own sake you are yourself.

Being yourself or trying to be something you aren't; there is no guarantee one will "work" over the other.

Being yourself doesn't make you a "good" person anymore than chewing your food before you swallow it makes you a "good" person.

Other than that this is all basically

and you should be wary of this:

The "heart" can be compared to the immune system in that if you overly protect it, try to keep things sterile and avoid all risk, then you aren't going to develop natural protections, so even the most minor of harms can have the most devastating of impacts.

Not to mention, more often than not, the "nice" persona is simply adopted to protect the heart in the first place (like not enough hugs from mommy, act nice, mommy gives hugs and doesn't punish).
But it's a facade.
And the fake "nice" person will time after time after time after time go after those that hurt them simply to reinforce justification for the adoption of the facade. i.e. "see?! They hurt me! I am justified in keeping them at a distance. I am right to put up walls and sit here all nice and safe and snuggled up behind them."


Always change.
Always learn to be more of who you truly are.
The other alternative is to be more of who you aren't.
And that leads to a lot of stress and problems.
No matter who you are you've developed facades and persona's to protect yourself.
It's just what kids do to make sure mommy and daddy keep feeding them and stop yelling at/spanking them.
They don't magically disappear as you get older.
They just get adapted to new or wider purposes.