Myself and my 2 brothers were put into a boy's home (institution) when I was 6 because our parents split. Was in the first home for 5 years and the second for 5 years. This was between 1950-1960. Ever since I have lacked confidence and even a senior supervisor at a mine where I worked pointed it out a few times in appraisals.

In the last 10 years I have tried to be more out going, I feel I'm getting better but still have trouble making close friends.

I find it hard to make the first move in contacting females. I was married for 27 years but it wasn't the best. I've lived alone since being divorced in 1999. I have my own modest home in a small country town now, it's not my ideal location but it's mine.

Has anyone else gone through something like this?

Laurie

Well.. lacking confidence or just shyness..hmmm.. we all have a certain amount of confidence some more than others.... it is something that can be learned however.. you just need a good opening line + 10. Our 15 minutes of good interesting Chit Chat.. about yourself.. but don't get too personal.. about yourself just the highlights... I would definitely leave out the part about not having confidence..lol..wink.... but like I said and you have discovered it takes practice...

Confidence building 101..
Find something you know you do well don't care if it is cleaning a cat litter box is it something..Be proud of it....

Find 5 things you do passably turn them into 5 things you do exceptionally well.
Be proud of it.

Repeat the process and ad something you don't do well into the mix.

Confidence building is building the belief in yourself.
Bottom line if you don't believe it no one else will so if you don't fake it til you do.


You have reached the age you are by surviving some pretty tough obstacles take that and pat yourself on the back and start believing in yourself.

Find the core value of who you are and accept it. When you find out how valuable you are as a human being you will find others also value that in you.

Find one or two things out of the normal safe box that you live in at least once a month and do them.

Shyness pretty much the same way..

As for pick up lines they don't work on most women unless they are also lacking confidence...

Thanks guys.. I do feel I'm getting there, where I can voice an opinion which I couldn't do before.

I know I'm not the only one who has trouble talking to females, I think there are a lot of guys in the same boat. I would say it maybe the same for females wanting to talk to a guy.. I suppose it's the old fear of rejection.

In the few instances where I have been talking to a female I try not to talk much about myself (unless she asks) but concentrate on finding out more about her.

I do appreciate your input.

I do think that one tip I would give you mind your manners and talk to a woman just like she is a person. No big deal I talk to men pretty much the same way I talk to women.

A conversation is a two way street.

I think there are a lot of people that get hung up on oh my it is the opposite sex.. And then the problems come in.

Be who you are and embrace it.

I'm very respectful to women, don't take them for granted either. But thanks for your advice.. it is appreciated.

We are given two ears, two eyes and one mouth.. so that should tell us something! Something I've tried to live by.

Hi Laurie

What has given me the courage to approach people, is sheer frustration that results from a lack of confidence at times.

In my dance school, the women always outnumber the men so sometimes I would be sitting for 20 whole mins before a guy asked me to dance, because the other women were more assertive and yanking the guy out on the dance floor before another woman could get to him.

One day I got tired of siting on the bench like a raisin in the sun , and asked a guy to dance , and Ive been doing it since.

As far as mingles is concerned , I got sick to death one day of spending so much time sending dozens of polite rejection mail to inapproriate suitors, when there were so many lovely people on the forum to explore friendship with, so I approached a few people both men and women, and was pleasantly surprised to get back responses. Now I actually have a few friends here.

Sometimes yuh just get sick and tired of being sick and tired, and that gives yuh the kick in the azz that you need to try something different .

Maybe that day will come for you too

I alwYs love your advice/posts.

Thanks Happygypsygirl!

Thanks Peggy.. I worked in a mine as a supervisor for a few years and we had to do courses that you had to get up and talk about different topics.. I used to sit and stew waiting for my turn so one day I said to myself.. I'm going first this time and ever since then I have been more out going.

You point is a good one.. that is what I've been like most of my life, I would always stand in the back so not to be asked a question etc.

I agree with happygypsygirl about your advice..

Laurie

Well it seems like you are on the verge of a breakthrough Laurie. I'm excited for you. Good luck!

I don't really know if anyone is replying still to this particular thread but I'm in the same boat as Laurie, I've been beaten down by people my entire life and I lack a certain amount of courage to talk to people, but i want desperately to just make one friend, it sucks just being alone all the time..

Nero, think of your reply to the topic and the fact that you made a profile here. Well, if you lacked confidence completely.....chances are, you wouldn't have made a profile. So think of it as you're gaining confidence in yourself, and have fun here!

Thanks for the advice man

No problem man. Confidence is something I've been trying to gain in myself also. I will say knowing what interests "you", (general, no one specific) definitely helps in creating confidence.

This may sound cliché but....be yourself...believe in yourself and don't worry about what people think pfffft!

Very strong wisdom! Thank you very much for your words, I'm starting to feel a little bit better already!