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| Topic: Why is it hard to find "the one" | |
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“The one” does not exist if it means that person will be your source of happiness. The one should complement your own happiness or that persons happiness is your own. Selflessness and caring more for another person than your own self... if you feel that for a partner then he would be THe One . Only problem is if he doesn’t feel the same way then you are not “the one” for him. It’s a hit and miss till our stars align  I don't entirely agree with you. First and foremost you should care about you and not care more for another person. Never! I think too many people -especially women- fall for that one and then end up getting hurt. It's about loving yourself, knowing you are worthy, having self-respect and self-esteem. All about love of Self. From that place you have an overflow of love to give to another. But you should never deplete yourself by caring more for another. That is at the expense of your own love of Self, self-respect and so on. A believe like that could keep you stuck in an abusive relationship. First you love yourself enough so you have overflow to give to others. The right partner has the same. The overflow is what you have to offer each other. Then you'll have a wonderful relationship, because both you and him will have enough love of self that they don't have to lean on you, aren't co-dependent and needy. They stand on their own two feet, as do you. Then you can truly complement each other and live happily ever after. As soon as you start to over-give, please, and overfunction -what women are very good at-, you begin to lean on them, which will be felt as pressure, neediness and so on. You only do this when you don't put yourself first, when you don't fill your own cup of self love first. Then there is no overflow anymore, you don't have anything to give anymore, and you will then need them to fill a void inside of you. And there you have your co-dependent, unhealthy relationship... The only one you will always be with, always have a relationship with until you die, is you. Always make sure you love yourself first and foremost. Caring more for another is where you go wrong... It's all about continuously filling your own cup with self-love, creating overflow, and giving and loving and sharing the overflow. Yes I do agree with you crystal  no one can make us happy but ourselves and then and only then can we share it to others  people complement each other and not think they can complete another person. A high value woman for a high value man  
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There is a mathematical equation of averages and probability, I can't remember its name, but it goes a bit like this: the short version:
Date 7 men and rate them all for qualities you want/like/accept, then if the eighth date measures up to the best of the previous 7, then he is 'the one', save time, settle on him, and cut your losses/dreams. The long version numbers many more dates, and settles after 12 or 13. Disclaimer: don't blame me is he is awful or mean or dangerous; discriminate with extreme prejudice regarding his morality. Also a saying may apply: If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you always got . Or: mix it up a bit; do something different. Change expectations, don't be so fussy or inflexible. The older I get, the more women there are that 'I would'; I'm way less fussy now, but the ladies are not. 
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“The one” does not exist if it means that person will be your source of happiness. The one should complement your own happiness or that persons happiness is your own. Selflessness and caring more for another person than your own self... if you feel that for a partner then he would be THe One . Only problem is if he doesn’t feel the same way then you are not “the one” for him. It’s a hit and miss till our stars align I don't entirely agree with you. First and foremost you should care about you and not care more for another person. Never! I think too many people -especially women- fall for that one and then end up getting hurt. It's about loving yourself, knowing you are worthy, having self-respect and self-esteem. All about love of Self. From that place you have an overflow of love to give to another. But you should never deplete yourself by caring more for another. That is at the expense of your own love of Self, self-respect and so on. A believe like that could keep you stuck in an abusive relationship. First you love yourself enough so you have overflow to give to others. The right partner has the same. The overflow is what you have to offer each other. Then you'll have a wonderful relationship, because both you and him will have enough love of self that they don't have to lean on you, aren't co-dependent and needy. They stand on their own two feet, as do you. Then you can truly complement each other and live happily ever after. As soon as you start to over-give, please, and overfunction -what women are very good at-, you begin to lean on them, which will be felt as pressure, neediness and so on. You only do this when you don't put yourself first, when you don't fill your own cup of self love first. Then there is no overflow anymore, you don't have anything to give anymore, and you will then need them to fill a void inside of you. And there you have your co-dependent, unhealthy relationship... The only one you will always be with, always have a relationship with until you die, is you. Always make sure you love yourself first and foremost. Caring more for another is where you go wrong... It's all about continuously filling your own cup with self-love, creating overflow, and giving and loving and sharing the overflow. Yes I do agree with you crystal no one can make us happy but ourselves and then and only then can we share it to others people complement each other and not think they can complete another person. A high value woman for a high value man High value? In which way? However, I think, we are somehow destined to end up with the wrong one first before we find the right one. Sometimes even more than once. But as we say in Germany, Third Time Lucky 
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What if if its fourth
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well i bet you'd find 'the one'someday. Thats what sites like this are here for. We keep trying until we cross path with that special someone. Goodluck finding yours
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There are some excellent posts on this topic. I also got caught up in the Law of Attraction formulas. But I realized that in life and love, formulas don't work. I've come across so many men who had it together and ended up with trainwreck women. Just because you have your life together doesn't guarantee that you will attract people who are deserving of you. I have my life together but I have attracted men who wanted to be saved, who went through unhappy past relationships and were afraid to love again. Strong attracts the weak. Men who wanted me to fill in their missing pieces, wounded men who saw and appreciated my strength but were unable to return the favor. Strong doesn't necessarily attract strong. Just because I attract emotionally wounded men does not mean that I am the same way. It means that I am strong enough to save them. Like attracts like. But opposites also attract each other. There is no simple formula in love or life. The math will never add up here. We all just have to feel that inexplicable connection first and then take a chance, either with someone strong or a trainwreck, and see where the relationship leads. This is such a good read it is good to feel saved once in a while rather than saving others all the time  i do feel you are a very strong person. Can you throw some my way ? 
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The "one" is a figment of your imagination!! If you do a search and come up with 50 new people, you should find 10 of them interesting enough to follow up with. If you don't, then the problem is with you and what you expect.
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well i bet you'd find 'the one'someday. Thats what sites like this are here for. We keep trying until we cross path with that special someone. Goodluck finding yours  
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I make a good living not a millionaire, try to stay fit but not an Olympian, have a degree but am not an expert in my field. I am just "normal/average" and I find it so hard to find that right person to spend the rest of my life with. With so many people and cultures in the Bay Area, why is it so difficult to find the bagel to my coffee? Looks fake and hasn't been here in over a month. But here is my take on the subject anyway. None of what you said matters. It's not about any of those monetary things. The living you make. How fit you stay or the degree you have. It doesn't matter. What matters is the "true you". Can the true you attract and hold another's interests. Some people may say that if you can't find another, maybe you should look at yourself first. Do you have anything to offer besides the monetary? Some people say that there is someone for everyone. I'm not sure I believe that. I feel like some people, including me, were meant to never marry. There isn't always someone for everyone. |
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I love that !! That made me smile thank you !
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