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| Topic: just being honest | |
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Right on spot Waterloo. Not my intensions to try to change someone because they have a comestic flaw, I'm either going to like them flaw and all and not change them or I move on.
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NEWS FLASH!! If someone has such a flaw, they already know it. YOU bringing it up in any way, shape or fashion indicates you no longer wish to stay in the relationship and now have a good way out. Lol... because God forbid we admit to ourselves that the barn is on fire... Or maybe putting the the cart before the horse... or how about this one throwing the baby out along with the bathwater..yup...lol |
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Okay you're in a new relationship everything is going great.. but! .. but the person you're interested in has one little personal flaw.. or physical flaw Let's say ...he are she has a muffin top.. Or maybe their teeth are not quite as white as they could be... yellowish.. Now how do you bring this discomfort that you're feeling up to your new partner ?..without totally pissing them off..lol... I mean you like the whole person it's just this one thing that just drives you a little crazy.. So how do you get the person with the yellow teeth to the dentist for a deep cleaning without hurting there feelings...? Because I've tried bring up a person's little flaw..lol.. and it didn't go over very well. So any suggestions.. Because I'm pretty sure we have all been here and done this before so I missed a chin hair and you're debating whether to tell me? |
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Okay you're in a new relationship everything is going great.. but! .. but the person you're interested in has one little personal flaw.. or physical flaw Let's say ...he are she has a muffin top.. Or maybe their teeth are not quite as white as they could be... yellowish.. Now how do you bring this discomfort that you're feeling up to your new partner ?..without totally pissing them off..lol... I mean you like the whole person it's just this one thing that just drives you a little crazy.. So how do you get the person with the yellow teeth to the dentist for a deep cleaning without hurting there feelings...? Because I've tried bring up a person's little flaw..lol.. and it didn't go over very well. So any suggestions.. Because I'm pretty sure we have all been here and done this before so I missed a chin hair and you're debating whether to tell me? |
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Edited by
RustyKitty
on
Thu 04/06/17 08:18 PM
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Okay you're in a new relationship everything is going great.. but! .. but the person you're interested in has one little personal flaw.. or physical flaw Let's say ...he are she has a muffin top.. Or maybe their teeth are not quite as white as they could be... yellowish.. Now how do you bring this discomfort that you're feeling up to your new partner ?..without totally pissing them off..lol... I mean you like the whole person it's just this one thing that just drives you a little crazy.. So how do you get the person with the yellow teeth to the dentist for a deep cleaning without hurting there feelings...? Because I've tried bring up a person's little flaw..lol.. and it didn't go over very well. So any suggestions.. Because I'm pretty sure we have all been here and done this before how come this posted a gazlllion times? |
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Edited by
RustyKitty
on
Thu 04/06/17 08:19 PM
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Okay you're in a new relationship everything is going great.. but! .. but the person you're interested in has one little personal flaw.. or physical flaw Let's say ...he are she has a muffin top.. Or maybe their teeth are not quite as white as they could be... yellowish.. Now how do you bring this discomfort that you're feeling up to your new partner ?..without totally pissing them off..lol... I mean you like the whole person it's just this one thing that just drives you a little crazy.. So how do you get the person with the yellow teeth to the dentist for a deep cleaning without hurting there feelings...? Because I've tried bring up a person's little flaw..lol.. and it didn't go over very well. So any suggestions.. Because I'm pretty sure we have all been here and done this before |
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Because it was obviously stalling well trying to figure out a way to tell you about your chin hair without pissing you off
.lol... but at least I'm not willing to flush the whole relationship down the toilet because of it like some other people |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Thu 04/06/17 08:26 PM
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that's kind of the point I'm making you spend time getting to know the person developing real feelings for them... and let's say you get to that point where you're being intimate..
And they might have a hairy nipple.. well..do you just run away and end the relationship... are you find some tactful way to say..ummm..babe !.. we need to have a little talk...lol |
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No when I was dating if it was something tnat was a dealbreaker I moved on no biggie. I am sure that some men did that to me as well. Personally I think that would be horribly rude to do to anyone. But. I don't know if it's just a throw-away society we live in or what the problem is.. and I guess that's what this topic is about really it seems easier to walk away from somebody then bring up the issue with them.. And see if we can work on the solution together..hmmm. maybe it's just me I also am not making this personal, except for myself. Lol. Each and every person is flawed some how some way. I believe I am pretty accepting of things, so if this so called flaw was so large that it is an elephant in the room then IMHO... I would cut bait... I mean after all from the original post I would have been dating them for only a short time. I am not talking about something minor. Here is an example. The only person I can remember running not walking was a guy that constantly had breath so bad that it filled a room. And he didnt take subtle hints. After 3rd date I cut bait did I tell him that was the reason of course not. Why would I? Internal flaws that is a whole other matter. |
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that's kind of the point I'm making you spend time getting to know the person developing real feelings for them... and let's say you get to that point where you're being intimate.. And they might have a hairy nipple.. well..do you just run away and end the relationship... are you find some tactful way to say..ummm..babe !.. we need to have a little talk...lol You keep your mouth shut and focus on something else that time. If she has that each and every time, and clearly it's not a matter of having missed one or not having had the time to groom, then you could indeed address the issue. In a very respectful way that isn't going to hurt her feelings. If she's like "Sorry, I'm not going to groom, you just got to take me as I am." and it's a deal breaker for you, well... Then you got a decision to make. But with things like that, you often know yourself that you've missed something, and already feel self-conscious about it. If then a guy mentions it, it's not going to help. If he pretends he hasn't seen it, she has the luxury to think "Phew! He didn't see! Thank god!!" And trust me, next time she will check 4x because she doesn't want to end up in that situation ever again. Unless she doesn't care about it... Then you got different views concerning grooming etc. |
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OP, if you think alerting someone to something you perceive as a minor flaw is a good and normal thing, the bigger problem in the relationship is you not the flaw. I'm not going say any more due to the nature of these forums. I'm out.
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NEWS FLASH!! If someone has such a flaw, they already know it. YOU bringing it up in any way, shape or fashion indicates you no longer wish to stay in the relationship and now have a good way out.  IMO to choose to continue the relationship with someone you consider to have a flaw is a form of abuse. As it means they've allowed you to class yourself as superior to them. I believe that is only true if you class yourself as flawless what makes me MOST equal to others is that I also have flaws... |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Fri 04/07/17 07:38 AM
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that's kind of the point I'm making you spend time getting to know the person developing real feelings for them... and let's say you get to that point where you're being intimate.. And they might have a hairy nipple.. well..do you just run away and end the relationship... are you find some tactful way to say..ummm..babe !.. we need to have a little talk...lol so, I am taking it, the sex has not been preceded by love. Once love has developed, for me, the flaws are too few and small compared to the strengths. When the time is right to speak about them, I believe the conversation will develop organically and begin when the partner becomes comfortable enough to bring it up themselves. Or you could initiate a 'name three things you think I can improve, but be gentle',,,,and hope she reciprocates and is secure enough in your love to know it is not coming from a hurtful or inconsiderate place. |
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that's kind of the point I'm making you spend time getting to know the person developing real feelings for them... and let's say you get to that point where you're being intimate.. And they might have a hairy nipple.. well..do you just run away and end the relationship... are you find some tactful way to say..ummm..babe !.. we need to have a little talk...lol so, I am taking it, the sex has not been preceded by love. Once love has developed, for me, the flaws are too few and small compared to the strengths. When the time is right to speak about them, I believe the conversation will develop organically and begin when the partner becomes comfortable enough to bring it up themselves. Or you could initiate a 'name three things you think I can improve, but be gentle',,,,and hope she reciprocates and is secure enough in your love to know it is not coming from a hurtful or inconsiderate place. |
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that's kind of the point I'm making you spend time getting to know the person developing real feelings for them... and let's say you get to that point where you're being intimate.. And they might have a hairy nipple.. well..do you just run away and end the relationship... are you find some tactful way to say..ummm..babe !.. we need to have a little talk...lol You keep your mouth shut and focus on something else that time. If she has that each and every time, and clearly it's not a matter of having missed one or not having had the time to groom, then you could indeed address the issue. In a very respectful way that isn't going to hurt her feelings. If she's like "Sorry, I'm not going to groom, you just got to take me as I am." and it's a deal breaker for you, well... Then you got a decision to make. But with things like that, you often know yourself that you've missed something, and already feel self-conscious about it. If then a guy mentions it, it's not going to help. If he pretends he hasn't seen it, she has the luxury to think "Phew! He didn't see! Thank god!!" And trust me, next time she will check 4x because she doesn't want to end up in that situation ever again. Unless she doesn't care about it... Then you got different views concerning grooming etc. But yeah.. if it was some big issue.. Something that cannot easily be rectified.. well yes then the person has the decision to make in brace the other person's flaw or leave.. |
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Many years ago while approaching and going through menopause I developed a mustache...I would notice it all the time and think to myself, WTF...in the bright sunlight one day as I looked in my car mirror, holy smokes, the hairs were getting long and dark!
One day as while we were sitting around camping, my husband said to me, why don't you get that removed?? That was the kick in the butt I needed to get me moving... I looked up hair removal, made an appointment and got my 'stache' lasered off Now I treat the chin hairs with electrolysis .... So once you are comfortable in your relationship I thinks it's ok to say something.... |
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that's kind of the point I'm making you spend time getting to know the person developing real feelings for them... and let's say you get to that point where you're being intimate.. And they might have a hairy nipple.. well..do you just run away and end the relationship... are you find some tactful way to say..ummm..babe !.. we need to have a little talk...lol You keep your mouth shut and focus on something else that time. If she has that each and every time, and clearly it's not a matter of having missed one or not having had the time to groom, then you could indeed address the issue. In a very respectful way that isn't going to hurt her feelings. If she's like "Sorry, I'm not going to groom, you just got to take me as I am." and it's a deal breaker for you, well... Then you got a decision to make. But with things like that, you often know yourself that you've missed something, and already feel self-conscious about it. If then a guy mentions it, it's not going to help. If he pretends he hasn't seen it, she has the luxury to think "Phew! He didn't see! Thank god!!" And trust me, next time she will check 4x because she doesn't want to end up in that situation ever again. Unless she doesn't care about it... Then you got different views concerning grooming etc. But yeah.. if it was some big issue.. Something that cannot easily be rectified.. well yes then the person has the decision to make in brace the other person's flaw or leave.. I'm PMSL now at this thought: how bout getting it in between your teeth, ripping it out, then looking at her with that hair in between your teeth? LOL I'm quite sure she will check the 4th time you get together, hahahaha. Oh dear me... sorry.. I get this way when hungry, lol |
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Edited by
mysticalview21
on
Fri 04/07/17 10:17 AM
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Okay you're in a new relationship everything is going great.. but! .. but the person you're interested in has one little personal flaw.. or physical flaw Let's say ...he are she has a muffin top.. Or maybe their teeth are not quite as white as they could be... yellowish.. Now how do you bring this discomfort that you're feeling up to your new partner ?..without totally pissing them off..lol... I mean you like the whole person it's just this one thing that just drives you a little crazy.. So how do you get the person with the yellow teeth to the dentist for a deep cleaning without hurting there feelings...? Because I've tried bring up a person's little flaw..lol.. and it didn't go over very well. So any suggestions.. Because I'm pretty sure we have all been here and done this before I say... you be the modal... something like I am going to try this crest teeth whitener ... have you used it and did it work ... I have heard it has great results from using it ... would you like to try it at the same time ...see how it turns out ... I will get the products for us ... might figure she can't afford a dentist ... Crest works pretty good... I have seen the results from using it ... |
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This conversation reminds me of an old song; Perfectly Lonely.
People are human beings before all else and the little things that you think a person should fix to measure up to being with you are the exact ly the things that are going to trash the relationship when they figure out you temporarily "lowered" yourself to be with them. Maybe they don't leave you at the moment but they get fed up a and often become submissive aggressive until they have the opportunity to show you the door; usually when you least expect it or you have fallen off your mighty self appointed throne. |
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