I say... you be the modal... something like I am going to try this crest teeth whitener ... have you used it and did it work ... I have heard it has great results from using it ... would you like to try it at the same time ...see how it turns out ... I will get the products for us ... might figure she can't afford a dentist ...
Crest works pretty good... I have seen the results from using it ...

This conversation reminds me of an old song; Perfectly Lonely.

People are human beings before all else and the little things that you think a person should fix to measure up to being with you are the exact ly the things that are going to trash the relationship when they figure out you temporarily "lowered" yourself to be with them. Maybe they don't leave you at the moment but they get fed up a and often become submissive aggressive until they have the opportunity to show you the door; usually when you least expect it or you have fallen off your mighty self appointed throne.

..ok.. but dumping them all together because of one little flaw is okay..hmmm.. and again you know I like you so I'm not making this about you..but.. a lot of people have said the same thing okay maybe not a lot..
But. I don't know if it's just a throw-away society we live in or what the problem is.. and I guess that's what this topic is about really it seems easier to walk away from somebody then bring up the issue with them..
And see if we can work on the solution together..hmmm. maybe it's just me

when i see long opening posts i skip :'( even though the poster is so handsome
still i can't bear :s

I admire your honesty doc. You post about things that a lot of people think , but are too fearful of offending, to vent in a public forum.

Your choice to not abandon the prospects, who fall short of your standards is noble , but on the flip side , it seems like you are treating these women as "fixer-uppers' that you can tweak and whip into shape, if they submit to the process. I dont think that is your intention , but as an outsider looking in, thats how it comes across to me, and its such a demeaning process for anyone to subject themself to , even when done with the best of intentions.

Ironically that tendency is something that women have been condemned for by
men for YEARS!. ie the woman trying to change or improve their mates, who violently rebel against the humiliating process because they consider themselves to be good enough as they are.

Sounds familiar ?

So this is my thought.. You cant help what you are organically attracted to
or repulsed by. And it appears that your standards for looks and character are unusually high. So here are your viable options as I see it.

You can tell your lady that you are trying a new teeth whitener after all the others have failed, and after seeing the amazing results yourself after a week or two, ask her if she wants to try it too . Even if she sees through your ploy, she might actually appreciate the effort you made to be sensitive.

If she gets highly offended and petulant about it, then perhaps it is a sign that she may not be the best match for you, and let me explain why.

When someone has such seemingly high standards as you do, they need

1. a mate who is heavily critical of themselves and inclined to seek perfection ON THEIR OWN so they dont need to be informed about their flaws
2. ....or they need someone who is thick skinned and able to submit to a lifetime of criticism that will be imposed on them by their mate with the unusually high standards
3. ... or they need to commit themselves to the seemingly never ending search to find that close to perfect mate who they can fully accept as they are

Peggy, you explain a situation like no other... very thorough, thoughtful and respectful of other people's feelings.

Kudos to you, smart young lady

... oops forgot to say .. and beautiful to boot