"the choices you make, and the actions that follow, reveal who you really are". Samurai Jack.

If you want to change those actions, you need to change your choices.

You spend way too much time pondering this type of thing instead of living your life. You want people to tell you how it's going to be alright and have faith in humanity and how great you are? Sorry. Not my job. Don't come here looking for validation because all you're going to get is a large load of bull$h!t.

Truly understanding yourself and seeing reality in any situation allows you to form decisions based on intelligence over emotions.

Not taking time to look at the reality then understanding what you found out slants the mind to skepticism. The dis-belief often contrasts with the actual reality.

Emotions cause you to see things with a slant that may not actually be there. It causes knee-jerk reactions. Jerking knees are instability.

thank you all

I don't know anyone who gets issued a crystal ball that tells them how things are going to go.

You just have to pay attention to what is going on around you, have some standards and use common sense.

Somewhere along the line that something will get past you is just a fact of life.

You can be embarrassed or even feel a little shame about it and move on, learn from experience, but living in fear or even regret is not much of a way to live.

My general way of deciding if someone or something is something to accept I put myself in the mindset of is"with what I know about this deciSion would I want my BFF, or kid, or parent to do this (or see me do this) and if the answer is no I wait until I know more.

There are very few good situations that can't or won't wait for you to feel comfortable to do something.

This is particularly true in dating situations. EVERYTHING from casual chit chat on or off line to the really heavy duty things like being in a situation that makes you really vunerable such as a remote private date or even sex.

People worth bringing into your life earn the right to be there just like you should by being honest and not doing something because of dumb reasons.

Just because someone wants to get a financial break, be seen, popular, is begging for sex, or wants to be a couple,look grown up, or even get married because their friends are, or parents want them to is a bad reason to get the cart before the horse.

Sorry double post

thanks pacific star from now on i will pay more attention, read between the lines, up my standards,choose the right people to connect with and just let things pass and move on

As a technique, or strategy, I've found that the best way to deal with myself when I am feeling "skeptical" about someone, is to calm myself, and look very closely at the exact DETAILS of why I am concerned.

Most of us get a general feeling of whether things seem to be going well with someone or not, and especially if we've been through surprise disappointments before, we can get to the point where we cut and run the moment we feel anything negative at all. Then moments after we do run, we wonder if we were essentially panicking over nothing, or running away from our own bad memories, rather than from a real concern about the other person.

What makes love and romance so tricky, is that we DO want so much for it to feel magical, but that desire leads too often to the idea that closing our eyes and diving in is what CAUSES love to work.

That's where "looking carefully and directly at the details" comes in. What I have invariably found, is that real love isn't affected at all by looking at it more closely; if anything, it grows as you sort through the details carefully, because when it's real, the details (good or bad) tend to ADD to your appreciation of the other person, and of yourself.

Examples of where I've searched details and found out why I was nervous about someone erroneously, include where they did SOME SMALL THING that I finally realized was very similar to what a previous disastrous person did... but when I look at it carefully, I realize that it wasn't the thing itself ( a way of saying something, or some small habit) that made the previous person a disaster, it was just coincidental. Like, the reason why the other person was a total swine was NOT because they were fans of a certain sports team, they were a swine AND they liked that team. In fact, when I looked carefully, I even realized that they were swines about HOW they liked that team.

Other times when I looked at the details and confirmed my fears, were things such as that I (thought I) enjoyed the other person's carefree attitude, only to learn the hard way that they were every bit as carefree of my sensitivities as they were about pleasing society at large.

So in short again: study the details. Figure out exactly WHY you are "skeptical," and chances are good that one way or the other, your doubts will fade away.

Would add that just because something is trending or seems progressive or is what powerful or famous people even what seem like better places to live doesn't make it right for you in your world.

I can tell you that the pretty party life where anything goes catches up even to the rich and famous; maybe not as fast but when you get a reputation for being a train wreck it doesn't matter if your rich or poor
.

Sometimes our " danger radar" does kick off and we talk ourselves out of stuff or worse let someone else talk is out of it when our instincts were good.

It is like when some of the scammers come on to you and the hair ces up on the back of your neck that is your inner eye seeing something that you can't see with your eyes or hear with your ears.

OMG.... igor youre comment is just so...it left me speechless how do you do that? you analyze and yet the emotional side is still there thanks once again.

i know i am not the only person who could be or already is skeptical in some parts of their lives. i hope this thread helps anyone who needs the good advice that all the real nice people here in the forums have mentioned. peace to all and thanks so much again

Igor has a great ability most people don't possess. Kudos!

Try to understand that some skepticism is good.
It protects you from heartbreak and misery.

The key is to understand yourself and others.

Skepticism is built on experience of lies.
The more lies you experience the higher your skepticism.

The thing about lies is that they are a natural tendency of human beings.
People tend to embellish the reality around them to make it fit in with their lives. Many don't even realize they do it.

Understanding others and their desires to fit in, helps curtail the rampant skepticism we want to feel. Understanding ourselves helps us understand others.

Once you can understand others, you can weigh your skepticism against your desires to find an equilibrium. Stop giving undue credence to your emotional expectations and see the reality of the situation. Then you just make a decision as to whether you want that in your life experience or not.

thanks Tom

Every so often I run by a post like this and it makes me wonder. Then I realized that does not matter where we are in this world, basics of living are the same. Here in Mingle, almost everyone is skeptic, Like the OP said, carefully walking here. So I do not understand why some people have to be so rude. If you do not like the post, move on, no need to be so disrespectful. Never the less a man against a woman. Also post like this speaks volumes of the persona that post it.
Scepticalsoul, do not change, do not allowed this to change the way you manage yourself here, just be careful. This can be a new tread.
How is this for drama, cheers.

thanks cheeriosoo that cheered me up again

I have been on the computer to long ...
not to start out skeptical...

I can allow myself to be skeptical, but I can not allow myself to be afraid. After all, there is a lot of living left to do

skeptical and afraid...optimistic and brave

I would add passion to that mix. Optimism, passion and brave. It gives you more control over your own destiny. You are more proactive in shaping your life with passion guiding you