Thank you. But no reason for you to be sorry. I don't know, maybe it's my fault? Maybe I attract that kind of thing?

You're welcome. I believe we all have lessons to learn in life for our own personal growth. The people and experiences that come our way help us with that, both the good and the not so good. I've had my fair share of attracting the "not so good" in my life when it comes to relationships. I found asking myself "What is it about me, that attracts the people I invite in my life" helps me move past blaming them, or myself, and opens me up to learning what I need in order to grow, which in turn attracts healthier people.

There have been times when I didn't literally "invite" certain people in my life, yet they still showed up in my life. Like unruly co-workers that make it difficult for you to do your job, or others who have done harm to me. I have found even in those situations, there were lessons to be learned that had to do with my personal growth.

It's a bit of a cowards way, when afraid to confront how you feel.

Very nicely worded response and I do understand what you mean.
One of the reasons why I am still alone as well. The lying factor is very high but it is both genders. As men looking for women we can see easily the women that have these kinds of issues because that is what we encounter.

I try to step back and look at the whole picture. Women also have to deal with men that have undesirable qualities. There are many men online that are here because they have been rejected due to some screwed up personality traits. That is why I said that I thought it was a bit one-sided.

There are men and women that have other reasons for using online dating that were not rejected. Some of us were the rejectors. Some of us are here because our spouses died. Not all men and women on dating sites are narcissistic liars. They just tend to be the easiest to meet.

I too have met a few women that are "unworthy". I don't see it as all women are unworthy but just the ones that I have met so far have been. Not every diamond is a priceless jewel. Fool's Gold is easier to find than real gold. I only hope that I have gained enough wisdom to recognize the real prize and be worthy of her attention.

My trial and error and error and error has taught me skills needed to recognize the wheat from the chaff. I still get taken sometimes but I still have hope that I will find someone worthy to me. To do that, I, myself must be worthy of them.

I see every person as an individual now. I am refining which qualities I will tolerate and which I can never tolerate. As I learn more about myself, I find that the pool of possibles gets smaller and smaller. I also know that there is never going to be the perfect one. I adjust my tolerances for allowing others to be themselves. Just because I can accept others being themselves doesn't mean I want them as part of my life.

I agree that most women on dating sites are "unworthy"
I also, On the other side of the coin, know that most men on dating sites are also unworthy.
I do see a large number of women and men on dating sites that are worthy but they are not easy to approach. Just like you, they have their guards up. There must be a solution but that is a wisdom I have not learned yet. Until that wisdom is learned I must do this the hard way.

The essence of your statement has truth but the words close thinking and attack others.

Cowardice is based on fear.
Feelings and emotions can be scary when you have no control over yourself.
Many people are completely lost when it comes to their feelings and emotions.
They don't understand them so they are afraid to embrace them.
The same can be said about dealing with the opposite gender.

Truly understanding your emotional states and the reasons why you feel the way you do is part of truly understanding yourself. Once you gain that wisdom you have better control of yourself and lose the fear.

Once you start to truly understand yourself, you can learn to truly understand others. If you learn where your fears come from you can understand where someone else's fears come from, even if they don't. Just because you can understand someone doesn't mean you want that person in your life.

A coward in one way could be a hero in another.

Such is the nature of our current human population density. Random people enter our lives not as some ordained fate but because there are more people around us.

The person that lives and works on a remote farm is less likely to encounter people as the person living and working in a city's subway. The people the farmer is likely to meet are people that have similar ideals yet the city worker is more likely to meet people that have different ideals.

We do learn from interacting with all others but we also learn from our reactions to others actions. The only thing that we have any control over is our own actions and reactions.

Many people live in a state of reaction when dealing with others. Using your own wisdom, you can actually cause them to react. We have all seen people that don't react as we imagined. Those are the people that are in control of themselves and have the most to teach us. Some lessons from unworthy people are not worth learning.

Hi where are you

South Coast of Mississippi about a mile from the beach.
Where are you?

I hear what your saying and I agree with you. But I also disagree to some extent concerning the ones who have control over themselves have the most to teach us and lessons from unworthy people not worth learning. I'm speaking from the perspective of lessons within oneself as far as growing and how we react and interact with others. Someone who is deemed so called "unworthy", may have the most to teach us because of our view point or reaction about such a person.

I find that when I react strongly towards someone, they irritate me to no end, or bring about a strong negative feeling then there's something in me that's really the issue. So in a way, they are helping or teaching me to look inward and take inventory. "Why did this person make me so angry", "Why did I break down and cry", "Why do I want to avoid this person at all costs, rather than just accept them and choose not to associate with them". That is what I was referring to when I said we have lessons to learn from even the not so nice people who show up in our life.

At work, there's a lady who I would not choose to be friends with. But I have intense reactions to how she speaks to me and her attitude towards me. In this case, it's not about her, it's about me and what is being triggered inside that causes me to not want to go to work when she's there. I've consulted with my boss, who is amazing at holding it together...after years of practice...and he has good advice, but she is the greater teacher for me because if not for her, I wouldn't face the deep down demons that I didn't realize were still there.

I agree. That is why I wrote



In the sense that they are not easily influenced by the actions or words of others. Their sense of self is usually strong. Their reactions are usually calculated not impulsive. That discipline bleeds into other aspects of their lives. Some become control freaks or drop into narcissism. Others become well rounded and clear thinking. My reference to most is related to their self-understanding.

Workplace harassment is not restricted to sexual harassment. If some co-worker is making you not want to come to work, that is harassment and is against the law and most company policies. Start documenting it.


Your immediate boss is responsible for dealing with harassment. Most companies take workplace harassment very seriously. It doesn't matter if he is a good guy or not, if you make a complaint he must act on it or he is not doing his job, no matter how he feels about it.

Things we learn from the unworthy people in our lives is that inner voice that makes us say "Wow, I don't want to be like them". You can research and study their motivations. You can try talking to them but they are like that for their own reasons.

I'll call you and text you so that you may feel special

Seriously? No one owes you, me, anyone anything. This is the age of entitlement (you owe me...gimme gimme)

No answer is an answer. Move on

Sure, it's just a polite way of saying 'no thanks '

Ah yes! Emotional stability seems to be my challenge in life where others have physical challenges. I have come a long ways. And in the last two years at my work place where I have constant daily interactions with others, it's been a great place to work more on that. My boss, who used to be highly emotional is now more together and has been some what of a mentor, as well as others through out my life.



It's difficult to define in this situation. And until I get to a point where I am not reacting so intensely, they would only sit us down and counsel us, which is something I won't do at the time. There are others, especially guests who are more obnoxious than she, and I don't flinch...handle myself very confidently and professionally. It appears to be harassment, but she is crass with a lot of people. And my reaction to her is more of a PTS reaction, so I'm getting in touch with what triggers it and where it's coming from. I'm pretty sure I have an understanding now, and hopefully will function better, I'll know on Friday when we work together again, lol.

In the mean time, I will start to document...that's a good idea!



Yes, that makes sense!

yes it sucks and its a normal thing that happens on line