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| Topic: Do you care what other people think of you? | |
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Absolutely not. Many people influence my actions with their opinions. Not necessarily their opinions of me tho. People around us come and go but the only constant is ourselves. Its possible to have strong self-esteem without being narcissistic. Its possible to be empathetic without being oppressive. Its possible to be considerate without being manipulated. Everyone seems to want to be liked, wanted. Its possible to be liked without a consuming need to be liked. People either like me as I am or they don't. The life I live is my own. If I live to try to please others I am living their impression of who I am not my own. It is way harder to live to someone else's expectations. Life is hard enough, why make it harder? Sometimes the expectations others have of us are secretly the expectations we have ourselves at times Tom, and the voices of others give credance to our inner voice that we are too scared to listen to . Not always ofcourse but occasionally :) |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 06/12/17 04:36 AM
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This is another one of those "yes, no, it depends" things. Yes, in the sense that what people think of me can mechanically affect what I can do in life. If my boss dislikes me, I'm not likely to prosper at work. No, in the sense that I learned the hard way, that I can't pretend to be someone other than who I am, when I'm in a mate-relationship. Overall, that means that there's no one who can influence me to try to be who I'm not. When I discover someone does NOT like who I am, I adjust my life, so that I have minimal contact with them. Their disapproval doesn't cause me to try to change. But whenever I am in someone else's life, such as visiting at their house, society, place of business, I will cater to their customs as best I can, as a fundamental sign of my respect for others. Very nuanced answer as always Igor. If we didnt care aboug others opinions, we would conduct ourselves in public the way we do at home in many ways . How mortifying !  But as you tom and justin said,.you have to be true to yourself |
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so
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hmmmm not as much as when I was young which gives me hope that it will be even less as I get older Im kinda in that space of life too tmom . A lot less oppressed by public opinion but I still hVe ways to go to strike a healthy balance |
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yes i care about the opinion people have of me I can relate to that demsyn. Its hard to completely separate your feelings and actions ftom people's opinions but there is a balance needed |
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Human beings are social creatures. A society is a group of two or more in alignment. In a social group of any size there is always an influence that creates the alignment. We can be influenced to start a behavoir or end a behavior. The start of a new behavior or the end of an old behavior can be influenced in many ways but the ultimate decision to change is individual and personal. I don't like using my phone. I have had a few people that try to make me use my phone by implying they will like me more or if I don't then they won't like me. I do not change my own actions for approval of others. It is MY decision. Think back when you were in high school. How many times did you do something you did not want to do because it gained someone else's approval? Then think about those times when that action change resulted in someone else's disapproval. You re right Tom. Its usually up for us to decide even if our op How did you personally feel about it? Who mattered more, you or someone else? I was just thinking about this very subject a few days ago and almost posted a topic on it. I didn't because I felt others could not relate and the few that do, would not respond. My thoughts were focused on the reasons why we do things. The question I was going to offer was "What do we really HAVE TO DO in life?" When you think about it you realise there are really not many things we have to do. ** Be influenced by gravity ** Exist on this planet ** Die Everything else is our own decision. Some would argue things like Work - I have to work Breathe - I have to breathe Be socially accepted Be loved or liked The list could go on forvever and still not name every example. There are more things that we must agree to do than those that we have to do. I have to live. Well, technically, you don't HAVE TO live. I have to work so I can afford to live. Again technically you can live without money, you just don't want to. When we change ourselves because we HAVE TO be liked or loved it is not an inevitablility, it is a decision we make within ourselves. All the things we do, we do because we decide to do them. The things we don't do are not done because we decided not to do them. If you are influenced by others, that influence only changes you if you allow it. Acceptance is the continuity of a society. We choose which societies we wish to align with, and then take actions to make it so. You are right Tom, We ultimately make a choice of what we wish our lives to be every minute of the day. Our options may be undesirable but we still have the power to make choices as opposed to conforming to the dictates of others |
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Human beings are social creatures. A society is a group of two or more in alignment. In a social group of any size there is always an influence that creates the alignment. We can be influenced to start a behavoir or end a behavior. The start of a new behavior or the end of an old behavior can be influenced in many ways but the ultimate decision to change is individual and personal. I don't like using my phone. I have had a few people that try to make me use my phone by implying they will like me more or if I don't then they won't like me. I do not change my own actions for approval of others. It is MY decision. Think back when you were in high school. How many times did you do something you did not want to do because it gained someone else's approval? Then think about those times when that action change resulted in someone else's disapproval. How did you personally feel about it? Who mattered more, you or someone else? I was just thinking about this very subject a few days ago and almost posted a topic on it. I didn't because I felt others could not relate and the few that do, would not respond. My thoughts were focused on the reasons why we do things. The question I was going to offer was "What do we really HAVE TO DO in life?" When you think about it you realise there are really not many things we have to do. ** Be influenced by gravity ** Exist on this planet ** Die Everything else is our own decision. Some would argue things like Work - I have to work Breathe - I have to breathe Be socially accepted Be loved or liked The list could go on forvever and still not name every example. There are more things that we must agree to do than those that we have to do. I have to live. Well, technically, you don't HAVE TO live. I have to work so I can afford to live. Again technically you can live without money, you just don't want to. When we change ourselves because we HAVE TO be liked or loved it is not an inevitablility, it is a decision we make within ourselves. All the things we do, we do because we decide to do them. The things we don't do are not done because we decided not to do them. If you are influenced by others, that influence only changes you if you allow it. Acceptance is the continuity of a society. We choose which socieies we wish to align with and then take actions to make it so. I guess you agree with Tom Welcome to the forum Chinh |
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Like Igor said, depends... for me on the who, where, why, what, when. If I'm feeling a little insecure in a situation and get criticized, it will hit me harder than when I'm feeling totally confident. Getting me to change my actions would likely be from ppl I love the most, mostly a partner. But even then it depends. I will not change who I am simply because something displeases him. If he has a good point however, I will think about it and could very well decide to try and change that particular thing. I call that being flexible and willing to compromise. But if someone would try to change the essence of me, no way. Hi Crystal :) There seems to be a line between compromising for the good of all parties involved versus compromising the essence of who you are . I guess the difference is that compromise ushers in a certain degree of peace/satisfaction for BOTH parties. If both parties or one party becomes dreadfully unhappy after the compromise, then perhaps one or both parties have compromised who they are at their centre, which is very unhealthy I think . And on the issue of caring about others' opinions, as you alluded in your post, caring about the other person's opinion is a natural characteristic of being in a relationship.It's actually a positive thing I think :) |
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Do you care what other people think of you? Basically, yes. Though not enough to influence my opinions beyond facts. Whose opinion has enough power to influence your actions? Pretty much just my own. I appreciate facts too sophie. Feelings can be so misleading |
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those who dont matter to me i dont care but to those who does matter i really do
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Do you care what other people think of you? Basically, yes. Though not enough to influence my opinions beyond facts. Whose opinion has enough power to influence your actions? Pretty much just my own.  You seem to be a caring person lu. You may not care about what people think but I suspect you care how they FEEL :) |
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I guess I said in the "Too Old" thread that I wouldn't feel comfortable in a 20 something club, with a stamp on my hand. Aside from disinterest, I DO feel it's a bit undignified. So the platitude of not caring what anyone thinks no matter what wouldn't be "completely" honest???...but pretty close :-p I think it might be extreme to say that we care NOTHING about what others think . Most people would prefer to wear flip flops and jeans to a wedding but refrain from doung do because of the disapproving stares we would get or at least because we dont want to embarrass the couple on their special day. We do care beach. Some way more and some way less than others but we do care
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Edited by
Beachfarmer
on
Mon 06/12/17 06:47 AM
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In the delineation of subjects such as manners, hygiene, decorum, etc...YES, ABSOLUTELY!
The broad, sweeping, cavalier statement, "I'm my own person and don't care what anyone thinks." is a copout or excuse. I get annoyed with those who use the tired, "I'm just saying what everyone is thinking, but afraid to say." as an excuse for rude behavior. I would care if people thought me rude. There is a reason (beyond SELF respect ) I shower, brush my teeth, comb my hair, put on clean clothes in the morning. There is a reason I say thank you and please...hold doors for people. Yes, even for strangers. You never know when a stranger might become incredibly important to you. I care about first impressions! Now...after being established as a thoughtful, upstanding individual; who at least makes the effort to contribute to the positive.....if someone doesn't like you, F'em! |
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I use to, long ago, but then I excepted that no one I found even remotely attractive wants anything to do with me. After that epiphany I became less stressed and happier. If someone doesn't like me they can get in line with all the other people I've known. Im rather inclined to agree with you on this DHblue . I know all the pundits of positive thinking are going to roast us over the coals and please kids... dont try this at home... but when I anticipate the posibility of rejection,.i actually get pleasantly surprised when Im not, and when I am in fact rejected , it doesnt hurt as much cuz I already mentally prepared for the possibility :) |
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Sometimes Me too dreamerana
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Do you care what other people think of you? Whose opinion has enough power to influence your actions? I care about what my family and close friends would think about me. But I don't let anybody allow to have the power to influence my actions. I have a mind of my own, yes, I listen to criticisms or opinions of others and I weigh it. But I only take the positive things which I believe could help me but I don't let anyone decide for me. If I do something it is because I want to do it not for anybody but only for me . Its difficult to not care about the opinions of the people that matter most to you dolphin. I relate to that . And for people who have kids, it must affect some of them if people think of them as a bad parent , |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 06/12/17 07:02 AM
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If only I cared then maybe I'd change... But I don't so I won't...just let me be me Or maybe you care but not enough to change snoman lol |
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so I wonder if you meant to say "no" victorious vick |
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Well.. when it comes to online I used to edit everything I put down on LCD.. worried I might offend someone or say the wrong thing or stick my foot in my mouth...
But then I got over myself and stop doing that...lol. now I just post the first thing that comes into that pea brain of mine..lol.. see just like pee brain why on Earth would I say that....hmmm.. because I'm pretty sure I have a brain the size of a walnut...lmao.. Offline I do care what my family and friends think and my lady friend... see again I said lady friend and I know that dries my lady friend absolutely up the wall...lol.. but my little walnut-sized brain just doesn't have a filter...lol.. but my lady friend knows that she's really my girlfriend...hmmm.. well at least until she reads this...lmao.wink.hi.my. 
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those who dont matter to me i dont care but to those who does matter i really do How can a person not care about someone's opinion of them if its someone they love. You may not do what they tell you but you would most likely still care. Thats my take on it skeptical |
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