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| Topic: Are You Truly Alone? | |
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Edited by
Tom4Uhere
on
Mon 07/03/17 02:40 PM
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I have a movie chat going on right now at RiffTown on Togethertube
http://togethertube.com/rooms/rifftown You don't have to sign in and the site randomly generates your screen name. I'll try to keep movies and music videos playing all night long. Come say hey, riff out on the cheesy movie playing or post up a youtube video you like. Lets 'C o n n e c t' Edit to list playlist SYFY original City of Monsters Scorpions Always Somewhere (lyrics) Kingdom Come Scorpions Believe In love and more... |
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Good to talk to you Tom, as the Floyd song goes,Keep Talking, going for a nose around the Forums,catch up with you later.
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Thanx - have phun
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 07/03/17 03:52 PM
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I cant and wont minimise the enormity of your health challenges and feeling of alienation you feel tom. I actually admire you for handling it with such grace, and you seem to be availing yourself of many of the resources at your fingertips to make the most of a difficult situation.
 I will say that I conceptualise the friendship dynamic and reciprocity in a very different way from you though. As someone who never had kids, I felt like all my friends who were mothers, were no longer accessible for the first 3 years of all of their kids lives. I fondly refer to those years where every new child was born, as the " lost years" lol Duriñg that era . I was the one initiating the interactions and there werent many of them. Im not gonna lie... it was a pain in the butt , but what I realised is that they hadnt let me go. They just fell off the map for a long season. Years later, my bonding time with them ibecame alot more reciprocal, but if perceived them as having let me go during the lost years , i wouldnt enjoy the wonderful bond we have today. I was the initiator in those friendships for all the baby years but it didnt last forever. In fact as my life became more packed with things I love to do ,the mom squad started running after me and I was actually the one turning them down  Reciprocation isnt always as rigid as you make it sound. Sometimes it happens in seasons as opposed to a weeky or monthly dynamic. Maybe you might be experiencing the lost years with old friends or even with your kids . But dont your grandkids love you? Why not forget your "lame-azz" kids for a while, and start "partying" with your cool grandkids whenever your health permits it? Your grandkids probably would love to see you more , but their lack of "mobility " restricts THEM. You might even meet a new person or too, while you take them to play at the park or the zoo. The other way I perceive friendships differently from you is that I dont necessarily feel uncherished by my friends on the basis that I am doing most of the initiating. I choose friends that I consider to be crazywickedcool, and I am stoked to be in their presence. I dont care if Im the one doing all or most of the initiating ,once I sense they are enjoying my company too. I dont wait for them to come enter my world. I go knocking at their door and if the reception from them is good and continues to be good, then I rock the roof off their freaking house! Who says that you always have to wait for an invitation from others? |
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I cant and wont minimise the enormity of your health challenges and feeling of alienation you feel tom. I actually admire you for handling it with such grace, and you seem to be availing yourself of many of the resources at your fingertips to make the most of a difficult situation. I will say that I conceptualise the friendship dynamic and reciprocity in a very different way from you though. As someone who never had kids, I felt like all my friends who were mothers, were no longer accessible for the first 3 years of all of their kids lives. I fondly refer to those years where every new child was born as the " lost years" lol Duriñg that era . I was the one initiating the interactions and there werent many of them. Im not gonna lie... it was a pain in the butt , but what I realised is that they hadnt let me go. They just fell off the map for a long season. Years later, my bonding time with them ibecame alot more reciprocal, but if perceived them as having let me go during the lost years , i wouldnt enjoy the wonderful bond we have today. I was the initiator in those friendships for all the baby years but it didnt last forever. In fact as my life became more packed with things I love to do ,the mom squad started running after me and I was actually the one turning them down Reciprocation isnt always as rigid as you make it sound. Sometimes it happens in seasons as opposed to a weeky or monthly dynamic. Maybe you might be experiencing the lost years with old friends or even with your kids . But dont your grandkids love you? Why not forget your "lame-***" kids for a while, and start "partying" with your cool grandkids whenever your health permits it? Your grandkids probably would love to see you more , but their lack of "mobility " restricts THEM. You might even meet a new person or too, while you take them to play at the park or the zoo. The other way I perceive friendships differently from you is that I dont necessarily feel uncherished by my friends on the basis that I am doing mist of the initiating. I choose friends that I consider to be crazywickedcool, and I am stoked to be in their presence. I dont care if Im the one doing all or most of the initiating ,once I sense they are enjoying my company too. I dont wait for them to come enter my world. I go knocking at their door and if the reception from them is good and continues to be good, then I rock the roof off their freaking house! Who says that you always have to wait for an invitation from others? I love your response. It is heartfelt and expected and it gives a common thread for a lot of people. Consider that my conditions are not normal. It is not a problem that has occurred that I just realized. It is a condition that has grown to fultrition over time. In most cases your ideas are noteworthy and may offer a solution to some people's issues of isolation. Thank you for your contribution to the topic at hand. May someone see the truth in your comment and find it inspiration to make a positive change in their lives. Now, Just by the off-chance that you might really care, I'll addres specific notations from your response to perhaps give some clarity to my unique conditions. (Lemme change the music - for clearer thinking while I compose)[Sweet-Healer] I actually admire you for handling it with such grace, and you seem to be availing yourself of many of the resources at your fingertips to make the most of a difficult situation. Thank you for noticing, many don't Your reference to friends with kids is kinda, sorta related. When a couple have a new addition to their family they are concentrating on the task at hand. Friendships often do take a backseat to life at those times. As we master the task we are allowed more time to explore other non-criticle aspects of life. As a friend, we understand and give space. The occassional unions become special and often have more meaning. When time allows and friendships can be rekindled and often do. Reciprocation isnt always as rigid as you make it sound. Sometimes it happens in seasons as opposed to a weeky or monthly dynamic. I have known that type of reciprocity. Many times. I still know friends from my childhood. But, they are no longer friends like we were. Time has a disturbing way of breaking even strong friendships. They can be rekindled but something is always lost. But dont your grandkids love you? My grandkids don't know me. They love me because that is what they are told to do. Those directions are based on someone I was to my children long ago. While my baseline personality is still the same, they don't truly know me enough to determine if they love me or not. They know my picture and the stories their parents tell. What little time I have spent with them was positive but it was not an encompassing example of my being. I showed them love, of coarse, but they don't really know me. Your grandkids probably would love to see you more Sure they would. My kids would love to see me more. Hell, even my X would love to see me more. BUT... Not enough to actually come to me. I played the gotta go see everyone game for years. Then my health got in the way. I figured they would come see me. Nope. It would be about 2 months before someone found me dead and that would be because I failed to pay rent and the landlord would come but for his rent. That's the reality. LOL, I sleep nude, hopefully they will get a big rotten moonshot. You might even meet a new person or too, while you take them to play at the park or the zoo. 926 miles one way. I would love to go to the park or zoo with any of my 15 grandchildren at anytime. Its one hell ova roadtrip. Its not the money, I have problems driving the 30 miles to my dr appts. I just can't do it. Before you say move closer, not only can I not lift my stuff, I don't want to live there. I like where I live and I can afford it on my fixed income. Who says that you always have to wait for an invitation from others? Nobody but me. I played the game. I was the party guy, the life of the party. I was the 'go get Bill so we can party' dude. I spent years looking and successfully finding friends to be around. Always the one to try to organize get togethers and parties. I'm the one that convinced all my children to invite friends to their graduation parties and birthday parties. My kids friends loved me. "Oh, Your Dad is SO cool!". I just can't/won't do it anymore. I am completely prepared to die alone and in pain. I hope daily that something changes but I am completely able to cope otherwise. This topic is because I know there are many people out there feeling completely alone. I just want to say you're not the only one. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Peggy, There is a good possibility I may not go outside till next friday when I go grocery shopping. Not that I can't. If I had someone here, with me, I have many places I would like to go and the means to do it. I have no reason. |
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I cant and wont minimise the enormity of your health challenges and feeling of alienation you feel tom. I actually admire you for handling it with such grace, and you seem to be availing yourself of many of the resources at your fingertips to make the most of a difficult situation. I will say that I conceptualise the friendship dynamic and reciprocity in a very different way from you though. As someone who never had kids, I felt like all my friends who were mothers, were no longer accessible for the first 3 years of all of their kids lives. I fondly refer to those years where every new child was born as the " lost years" lol Duriñg that era . I was the one initiating the interactions and there werent many of them. Im not gonna lie... it was a pain in the butt , but what I realised is that they hadnt let me go. They just fell off the map for a long season. Years later, my bonding time with them ibecame alot more reciprocal, but if perceived them as having let me go during the lost years , i wouldnt enjoy the wonderful bond we have today. I was the initiator in those friendships for all the baby years but it didnt last forever. In fact as my life became more packed with things I love to do ,the mom squad started running after me and I was actually the one turning them down Reciprocation isnt always as rigid as you make it sound. Sometimes it happens in seasons as opposed to a weeky or monthly dynamic. Maybe you might be experiencing the lost years with old friends or even with your kids . But dont your grandkids love you? Why not forget your "lame-***" kids for a while, and start "partying" with your cool grandkids whenever your health permits it? Your grandkids probably would love to see you more , but their lack of "mobility " restricts THEM. You might even meet a new person or too, while you take them to play at the park or the zoo. The other way I perceive friendships differently from you is that I dont necessarily feel uncherished by my friends on the basis that I am doing mist of the initiating. I choose friends that I consider to be crazywickedcool, and I am stoked to be in their presence. I dont care if Im the one doing all or most of the initiating ,once I sense they are enjoying my company too. I dont wait for them to come enter my world. I go knocking at their door and if the reception from them is good and continues to be good, then I rock the roof off their freaking house! Who says that you always have to wait for an invitation from others? I love your response. It is heartfelt and expected and it gives a common thread for a lot of people. Consider that my conditions are not normal. It is not a problem that has occurred that I just realized. It is a condition that has grown to fultrition over time. In most cases your ideas are noteworthy and may offer a solution to some people's issues of isolation. Thank you for your contribution to the topic at hand. May someone see the truth in your comment and find it inspiration to make a positive change in their lives. Now, Just by the off-chance that you might really care, I'll addres specific notations from your response to perhaps give some clarity to my unique conditions. (Lemme change the music - for clearer thinking while I compose)[Sweet-Healer] I actually admire you for handling it with such grace, and you seem to be availing yourself of many of the resources at your fingertips to make the most of a difficult situation. Thank you for noticing, many don't Your reference to friends with kids is kinda, sorta related. When a couple have a new addition to their family they are concentrating on the task at hand. Friendships often do take a backseat to life at those times. As we master the task we are allowed more time to explore other non-criticle aspects of life. As a friend, we understand and give space. The occassional unions become special and often have more meaning. When time allows and friendships can be rekindled and often do. Reciprocation isnt always as rigid as you make it sound. Sometimes it happens in seasons as opposed to a weeky or monthly dynamic. I have known that type of reciprocity. Many times. I still know friends from my childhood. But, they are no longer friends like we were. Time has a disturbing way of breaking even strong friendships. They can be rekindled but something is always lost. But dont your grandkids love you? My grandkids don't know me. They love me because that is what they are told to do. Those directions are based on someone I was to my children long ago. While my baseline personality is still the same, they don't truly know me enough to determine if they love me or not. They know my picture and the stories their parents tell. What little time I have spent with them was positive but it was not an encompassing example of my being. I showed them love, of coarse, but they don't really know me. Your grandkids probably would love to see you more Sure they would. My kids would love to see me more. Hell, even my X would love to see me more. BUT... Not enough to actually come to me. I played the gotta go see everyone game for years. Then my health got in the way. I figured they would come see me. Nope. It would be about 2 months before someone found me dead and that would be because I failed to pay rent and the landlord would come but for his rent. That's the reality. LOL, I sleep nude, hopefully they will get a big rotten moonshot. You might even meet a new person or too, while you take them to play at the park or the zoo. 926 miles one way. I would love to go to the park or zoo with any of my 15 grandchildren at anytime. Its one hell ova roadtrip. Its not the money, I have problems driving the 30 miles to my dr appts. I just can't do it. Before you say move closer, not only can I not lift my stuff, I don't want to live there. I like where I live and I can afford it on my fixed income. Who says that you always have to wait for an invitation from others? Nobody but me. I played the game. I was the party guy, the life of the party. I was the 'go get Bill so we can party' dude. I spent years looking and successfully finding friends to be around. Always the one to try to organize get togethers and parties. I'm the one that convinced all my children to invite friends to their graduation parties and birthday parties. My kids friends loved me. "Oh, Your Dad is SO cool!". I just can't/won't do it anymore. I am completely prepared to die alone and in pain. I hope daily that something changes but I am completely able to cope otherwise. This topic is because I know there are many people out there feeling completely alone. I just want to say you're not the only one. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Peggy, There is a good possibility I may not go outside till next friday when I go grocery shopping. Not that I can't. If I had someone here, with me, I have many places I would like to go and the means to do it. I have no reason. Thanks for giving me more context about your situation Tom. Im sorry to hear about the distance from your grandkids . I wish the distance could be bridged somehow but I understand why it cant. Im really uncomfortable with the idea of your hope hingeing on the proactivity of others in the future as I havent seen that approach work well in my own life. I still hope that you would one day change your mind and start reaching out to others the way you used to , but I respect your lifetime of personal experiences that have brought you to this resolve. Thanks for sharing your journey Tom. Hoping with all of my might that things will turn around for you |
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My hope is just fine.
I know that if I ever am able to change my prospects I will. Till then I am content just being alive. There is still a lot of beauty in this world I've yet to behold. Who knows, things can change in the blink of an eye. If you are struggling with isolation look for peace in the wonders around you. It doesn't help but it is a distraction. |
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for someone new to forums let me say that was nicely written
any form of behavior that brings about a reward is likely to happen again catering ( I realize it was out of love) to your father only increased the chances of that continuing..he had the whole family revolving around whether or not he entered the room sounds like chronic depression or perhaps alcoholism thrown in there ..you did not mention it and it is none of my business congrats on not only becoming a self aware person but realizing that it is your choice and awareness without action is only half the battle |
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Sharing these things allows others to see that there are many faces to being alone. Thanx for sharing.
Many people remain alone and isolated as a result of depression. Others as a result of physical limitations. I once knew a woman that forced her isolation by acting mean to everyone. Come to find out she was angry with herself over her life decisions and was too ashamed to be around anyone. I'm sure there are some that are alone because nobody really likes them. Social misfits and outcasts. I know a man that will do anything not to be alone. He is so petrified of being alone even at the age of 49 he still lives with roommates. His roommates kick him out and he immediately finds someone else to roommate with no matter what. The prospect of living alone in his own apartment fills him with fear. Something that a lot of people just don't get is that if you are truly alone, there is nobody there to lay a guilt trip on. There is nobody to complain to, nobody to complain about. There is no expectation of a knock on the door or a call on the phone. No letters in the mailbox, nobody to write to. I passed out in the hallway once. Nobody picked me up, nobody saw me. If I get so bad I can't get out of bed, nobody cleans my house or does my laundry. Everything is always just as I left it. 4 years ago I was offered a hospise nurse. I turned them down. I was offered residential care, I turned them down. I refused to lay down and die because they put an expiration date on me. The fact that I turned them down has a lot to do with why I persist. I exist now because my life depends on it. I still have things to offer. |
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I too have some imaginary friends that never let me down.
Good for you! |
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I just came out of my own shell just recently. I never imagined or thought I could be experiencing such great loss. Losing my mother; I was unprepared emotionally; I felt the world tumbling down upon me, lost much weight and underwent depression...then came the medical condition I never knew existed....Stat Spine Surgery or else I'll be paralyzed...I wallowed in self pity and isolation and bitterness for months since Oct 2016 but I was wrong....a few friends never left me and held me to hang on and be strong for my son....that is what kept me going until today .... and I sought help from my Christian friend who brought me to the Christian church and to where I seek strength and refuge today. It is devastating to feel alone, depression can easily set in and the devil likes that, for him to play with your mind and spirit as well. It is a disadvantage to live alone and feel alone. The church has helped me process myself and regain my confidence, they always follow me up of what's happening to me. I believe in the power of prayers. I am slowly recovering, hopefully I regain my motor skills on my hands back in a month and praying the numbness will be completely gone. I was given 6 mos to a year of recovery and the doctors couldn't even tell if I regain back my motor skills again but it seems I'm recovering faster and I am regaining back my motor skills slowly, only the numbness is left but also diminishing, gone from both arms and is now mostly on my hands. I am still blessed with continuing on my job and still functional.
No one should live feeling alone. It will destroy us easily. We must reach out any way we can to persons, people, church, community. Let not pride rule us, let's be humble to seek help and support from people who cares. Family ties/relatives neglected me but not my church and few good friends who sincerely cared. I post this as well to encourage others who is undergoing the same issues. To fight out loneliness coz that is the works of evil; to crush your happiness and joyful spirit. No man was born alone and no man is an island, we exist to co-exist no matter what. We are humans and we have our needs. We need to feed and energize our Spirit first in prayer so we could pull ourselves together and strengthen our flesh. This is coming from my personal experience so to say. |
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Are you truly alone ?
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"Hi, I find you interesting and I would like to get to know you better". ^^^^ see this? what atmosphere could you put yourself in that would increase your chances of this happening? what hobbies, interests do you have that others may also have? do your homework...find something in your community and go do it because if you continue to do what you have been doing then do not expect different results if you come up with a million and one excuses as to why you cannot do this then I would argue that you are content in your current circumstances and have no real goal to change Text me 424 999 5329 |
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Are you truly alone ? yes, for a few years now. Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I don't enjoy my life. I'm not sitting here wallowing in misery. I do wonder if anyone else is truly alone and not depressed about it? |
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