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| Topic: another Joke | |
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A 96-year-old woman's note to her bank! Priceless!
 The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. ---------------------------- To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from. Please press the buttons as follows: Press 1: To make an appointment to see me. Press 2: To query a missing payment. Press 3: To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. Press 4: To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. Press 5: To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. Press 6: To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. Press 7: To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact. Press 8: To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion. Your Humble Client... (Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman!) |
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   wow Mike...Hello.Thanks for dropping by |
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A 96-year-old woman's note to her bank! Priceless! The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. ---------------------------- To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from. Please press the buttons as follows: Press 1: To make an appointment to see me. Press 2: To query a missing payment. Press 3: To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. Press 4: To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. Press 5: To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. Press 6: To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. Press 7: To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact. Press 8: To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion. Your Humble Client... (Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman!) wow  
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Funny
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Funny
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What kind of ants live in apartments?
Ten ants. |
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What kind of ants live in apartments? Ten ants. hahaha |
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What do ghost eat for their birthday?
I scream. |
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  hello 
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hello Thanks for laughing ur way in this thread...enjoy James |
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Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
He’s a real pain in the neck. |
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Your best medicine today 藍 藍藍藍藍藍藍藍藍藍藍藍 1. What's the difference between stress, tension, panic and tragedy. . Stress is when wife is pregnant; Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant; Panic is when both are pregnant!. Tragedy is when you are not responsible for either pregnancy. 2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!  3. A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!" 4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied , “My husband’s cheque book!” 5. A prospective husband in a book store: “Do you have a book called, Husband the Master of the House? ”Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!” 6. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife "Darling, Honey, Love." What’s the secret?” Old man : “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!” 7. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day. Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!  Too Much F UNNY
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A 96-year-old woman's note to her bank! Priceless! The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. ---------------------------- To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from. Please press the buttons as follows: Press 1: To make an appointment to see me. Press 2: To query a missing payment. Press 3: To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. Press 4: To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. Press 5: To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. Press 6: To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. Press 7: To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact. Press 8: To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion. Your Humble Client... (Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman!) I never read bank rules and regulations an terms and conditions so deeply, but have read these deeply written letter! Joke NICE
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Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? He’s a real pain in the neck. Their has to be a Dracula among friends, but we never notices or if aware we just ignore it.. NICE JulieABush
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What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant. Why do oranges always lose races? They run out of juice. |
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What is the biggest ant in the world? An elephant. Why do oranges always lose races? They run out of juice. Funny 
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What is the biggest ant in the world? An elephant. Why do oranges always lose races? They run out of juice. 
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Why was the air compressor dripping with sweat?
It had been running all day and night. Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom. How many cans of beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk? Toucans. |
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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00. Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad." When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."🤣🤣🤣 |
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