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| Topic: another Joke | |
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Funny but I know someone on here has told that one before
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A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." "Well, that is wonderful," replies the husband. His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral service will be held on Saturday. |
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 F UNNY
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i was helping search for someone in the facility...we keep on looking and looking,left to right,second floor then down....then suddenly they were staring at me...they were actually looking for me....i forgot i was wearing ppe in prep for my chest xray.hahahaha...hilarious
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i was helping search for someone in the facility...we keep on looking and looking,left to right,second floor then down....then suddenly they were staring at me...they were actually looking for me....i forgot i was wearing ppe in prep for my chest xray.hahahaha...hilarious Ok then they got you. But what about the other invisible immagination person, for whom you were searching HELP  N ICE
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Three nuns are in a car accident and, unfortunately, pass away from their injuries before help can arrive. They ascend and find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter. Peter's job, as we all know, is to offer one final test to ensure only the worthy enter heaven. Peter looks down at the three nuns and checks the ledger in front of him for their names and life stories. The first nun, Sarah, has led a good and pious life. Peter decides to make her test a no-brainer. Peter asks, "Sarah, in order to enter heaven, you must answer me one question. Who were the first woman and man?" Sarah quickly says, "That's an easy one. It was Eve and Adam." Beyond the gates, the trumpets sound, harps strum, a choir sings. The gates open and Sarah enters. The second nun, Ester, has led a good life, but has from time to time strayed from the path of righteousness. Peter feels she deserves to enter, but he decides to make her test a touch more difficult. Peter asks, "Ester, in order to enter heaven, you must answer me one question. Who received the Ten Commandments? Ester replies, "Oh, that's an easy one. It was Moses." Beyond the gates, the trumpets sound, harps strum, a choir sings. The gates open and Ester enters. The third nun, Antonia, while holy, believes herself to be superior to others. She has bullied people, made them suffer, and never repented. Peter believes that she should spend a bit of time in Purgatory to learn humility and decides to ask her an impossible question. Peter asks, "Antonia, in order to enter heaven, you must answer me one question. What were Eve's first words to Adam?" Antonia doesn't know. Her eyes widen and Peter glares at her pause. To buy a little time, she says, "Oh, that's a hard one." Beyond the gates, the trumpets sound, harps strum, a choir sings ... Good one.....hahahaha...kip it coming. |
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A widow and widower lived next door to each other. They had been neighbours for over 30 years, but each had lost their spouse not too long ago. Over a number of weeks, they had become close. One day, the man asked the woman if she enjoyed fishing.
Yes, she replied, she used to enjoy fishing with her late husband. The man agreed to pick her up at 6 a.m. the next morning. They went down to the river at the time they decided the next day, and began fishing. After a while, the man began to move the boat upstream. They came to a fork in the river and the man asked the woman, "Up or down." Being nice, he wanted to let her decide. The woman looked around, promptly took off all her clothes and jumped on the old man. They had passionate sex. After a while, they redressed and resumed fishing. Later in the day, they came to another fork in the river. Again, the man asked, "Up or down," and once again the woman stripped and another round of passionate sex commenced. That evening, upon arriving home, the man asked the woman if she would like to go fishing again the next day. The woman agreed. A little after 6 a.m. the next morning, they got to the river. As they came across that first fork in the river, the hopeful man asked the lady, "Up or down." "Down," the woman replied. A little surprised, the man headed that way. After a morning of fishing, they got to another fork. "Up or down," the man asked. "Up," the woman said. "Wait a minute," the man said. "Yesterday, when I asked that question, you took all your clothes off and we had passionate sex. What's going on?" "Well," the woman replied, "yesterday, I forgot my hearing aid and I thought you said "**** or Drown!'" :) |
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NICE
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Funny
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An Engineering student attended a Medical exam by mistake.
See his answers... The last one is ultimate: 1. Antibody - One who hates his body . 2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure. 3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria . 4. Coma - Punctuation Mark . 5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl . 6. Genes - Blue Denim. 7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work . 8. Liposuction - A French Kiss . 9. Ultrasound - Radical Sound that is above human hearing capacity, such as wife's talk. 10. Cardiology - Advanced Study of Playing Cards .... 11. Dyspepsia : difficulty in drinking pepsi. 12. Chicken Pox- A Non-Veg. continental dish. 13. CT Scan: Test for identifying person's city. 14. Radiology : The study of how Radio works. 15. Parotitis : information about the parrots. ULTIMATE-------!! 16. Urology : the study of european people. With due respect to engineers  |
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On his way to work one morning, Nathan arrives at Penn station a bit early.
While he's waiting for his train, he notices a new machine on the platform. The sign on it says it's a state-of-the-art talking weighing machine. So Nathan stands on it, puts in a $1 bill and the machine says, "You weigh 160 pounds and you are Jewish." Nathan can't believe what he's just heard. So he gets on it again and inserts another $1 bill. "You weigh 160 pounds, you are Jewish and you're waiting for the 7:35am train to take you to your job at the Bank." He is totally shocked, but he's determined to beat the machine. He goes into the mens room, ruffles up his hair, puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, removes his tie, takes off his jacket and drapes it over his arm, and puts a first aid plaster on his chin. He then goes back outside, steps on the machine and puts in another $1. The machine instantly says, "You're still Jewish and weigh 160 pounds. You're also a stupid idiot, you just missed your train."🤣🤣🤣 ctto |
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A married couple was in a terrible
accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."🤣🤣🤣 |
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FUNNY
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Funny
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Morning   A coffin maker was on his way to deliver one of his coffins one night when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination. Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some easy money off him so they asked him "Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going"? The man replied "I did not like where I was buried so I am relocating" . . . . . . . .     The policemen Fainted..! Just was feeling bore in forums so got into laughter home
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Just was feeling bore in forums so got into laughter home haha |
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