A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."
The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"
"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed.🤣

A very touching story

Husband forgot to wish his wife on her birthday. He came home late at night from the office…

His wife said: “How would you feel if you don’t see me for the next few days?”

He couldn’t believe his luck. He replied at once. “Wow… That would be great…!”

Monday passed and he didn’t see her.
Tuesday he didn’t see her.
Wednesday he didn’t see her
and Thursday passed too.

On Friday the swelling was better and he could already see her from the corner of his left eye.
🤣

A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.

He went over there and asked them why they guard it.

"We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"

He searched for the last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.

"I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition."

Going back another 3 commanders, he found a new 100-year-old retired General.

"Excuse me, sir. I'm now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. I've found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?"

"What?! Is the paint still wet?!"

Hahaha 🤣

THE OSTRICH!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same." says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please.”

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke please.”

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad." says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a liter of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there." says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big *** and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

A college boy gives his book to a girl with a love letter in it. He wrote saying,
"If you love me, then you should wear a red color dress tomorrow."

Next day she comes wearing a yellow color dress and returns his book. Seeing this, the boy felt very bad and never looked at her afterwards.

Years went by. That girl got married.

One day, while cleaning his shelf, the book returned by her fell down and a chit came out.

Message was, "I love you too ❤... I do not have a red Color Dress... Sorry"

Moral: Students should open their text books once in a while.

Note - Now please don't sit filtering all your old books...

Your time has passed... look after your children and grand children.,:::::::::🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣

ctto

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Sugar Baby, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's Sugar Baby."

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."🤣

Too funny Apple Love .

There were 3 brothers from China, Bu, Chu and Fu. When they moved to America, they decided to change their names.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
And Fu... Well, he had to go back to China.

Funny Apple Love .

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell five times this week, and it's only Wednesday!"🤣

Funny Apple Love .

loving the jokes!

enjoy

An old couple were going to have sex and the husband said .. honey, let's try something different tonight. She said what do you mean by different. He said, let's try it back to back and she replied now how in the hell are we going to do it back to back. He replied, well we could call in another couple you know.

enjoy everyone

keep them coming, please!

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.
Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The Reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided to let him try anyway.
He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday&which they did.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, “Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?”
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, “Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here’s the 200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church.”
“Fine job, Peter!” The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. “You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.”
Turning to Paul, he asked, “And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?”
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, “Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s 280 dollars I collected.” The reverend responded, “That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you.”
Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, “And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?”
Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents. “What is this?” the reverend exclaimed. “Louie, there’s 3200 dollars in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?”
Louie just nodded.
That’s impossible!” both Peter and Paul said in unison. “We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could.”
“Yes, this does seem unlikely,” the reverend agreed. “I think you’d better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie.”
Louie shrugged. “I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for-sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. “For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us-what you said to them when they answered the door!”
“A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,” Louis replied, “W-w-w-w-would-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible-f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks —o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just-l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to-y-y-you?

I will prefer to Read iiiitttttttttttttttt until next year begin.. free security an alarm

F🤣U🤣N🤣N🤣Y