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| Topic: another Joke - part 2 | |
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A very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink? The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed, dissipated drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured her a large drink and the woman chugged it down in record time. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!" Yet again she chugged it down in record time before turning around to the patrons for the third time with the same request. And yet again the little drunk chap at the end of the bar pulled out his money and said “Give the ballerina a drink!” At this the bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Look mate, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?" The drunk looked him in the eye and replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has GOT TO BE a ballerina!  🤣🤣🤣 |
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A woman walks into a plastic Surgeons practice and says to him "I'd like to get my Vagina lips trimmed, as they're too big. Only thing is I don't want anyone to know and I don't want you to mention it to anyone else also?" The plastic Surgeon replies "Not a problem!" and books her into the Hospital, to get the procedure done in a week's time.
The woman wakes up in the Hospital bed, having had the operation done and sees 3 red roses, in a vase next to her bed. She says to the plastic Surgeon"I thought I told you not to tell anyone that I was here?" So the Surgeon replies "I didn't. That first rose is from me. The second one is from the Nurse, who assisted with the operation and the third one is from the man upstairs, in the burns unit, wanting to thank you for his new ears!" 🤣🤣 |
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A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!” Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9.” Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36.” And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.” Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.” The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Harry, after a moment: “Legs.” Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: “Pockets.” Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Harry: “Pants.” The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum”. Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?” Harry: “Shake hands.” The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?” Harry: “Firetruck”. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last six questions wrong… “🤣 |
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This really sounds funny
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This one comes from the February issue of Reader’s Digest in their “Laughter the best medicine” category:
Why is bread like the sun? It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.  .
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What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat? The Bingo! 🤣🤣
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A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.
 ♂️  He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" 🧎♂️ The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."    KeepSmiling
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A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. ♂️ He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" 🧎♂️ The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..." KeepSmiling I’ve heard this one before but it’s always funny .
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God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed. God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said: "Tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?" And God agreed. God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again. God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you.   very funny! |
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Edited by
JulieABush
on
Sat 02/17/24 12:18 PM
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God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed. God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said: "Tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?" And God agreed. God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again. God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. very funny! You’re right that is very funny and so true .
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Thank You @Viky & @JulieABush
 
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Eve, in the Garden of Eden, said “God, I have a problem. It’s a beautiful garden, but I’m lonely and sick of eating apples.” “Okay” God said. “I’ll create a man for you”. Eve said “What’s a man?” He’s a creature with aggressive tendencies and enormous ego. He doesn’t listen and gets lost a lot, but he’s big and strong, he can open jars and hunt animals, and occasionally he’s fun. “Sounds great!” said Eve. “There’s just one other thing. He’s going to want to believe I made him first.”
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Eve, in the Garden of Eden, said “God, I have a problem. It’s a beautiful garden, but I’m lonely and sick of eating apples.” “Okay” God said. “I’ll create a man for you”. Eve said “What’s a man?” He’s a creature with aggressive tendencies and enormous ego. He doesn’t listen and gets lost a lot, but he’s big and strong, he can open jars and hunt animals, and occasionally he’s fun. “Sounds great!” said Eve. “There’s just one other thing. He’s going to want to believe I made him first.” G D 
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A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? 'Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?' Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'🤣🤣🤣 *all are Ctto |
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A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.
As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen! “I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity. “And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. “I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase. “Oh, my God!” she screamed, “Sam is dead!” |
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enjoy,everyone,share yours too
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Lol Bestie...sure i give advice while laughing  hi |
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A Very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a real Rugby player.
They start to talk and eventually go back to his place: They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. “What’s that for?” the lady questions. “Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.” Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE. ‘What’s that ?’ the lady questions again. “Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV.” Then the man drops his underwear and on his pen!s, he has a tattoo that says AIDS. The lady screams: “Don’t tell me you have AIDS!” The man replies: “No, no…!!! Calm down…!!! It will say ADIDAS in a. Minute"🤣 |
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Funny
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