My son has lived with me from the age of one. This is the best thing for my son and I would not have it any other way!
That being said my ex-wife calls me up before Christmas and wants to see Jr. Your most likely thinking normal no big deal right? Before that phone call my ex had not seen my son for over 6 months. The only time Jr spoke with her is when he wanted to call her. Now I grew up w/o a dad until I was 15 y/o and I made myself a promise when I was just about my sons age. That promise was that if I ever had a child there is no way I would not be there for that child day in and day out unless I was DEAD. Of course being the person I am I held true to my promise to both myself and more importantly my son. Now I have never said anything in front of my son bad about his mother and never will. I figure he will come up with his own conclusion of what happened and who really cares. I did anyway. It breaks my heart every time I have to pick up the pieces after my ex hurts my son by not calling or coming to see him. How could a woman who gave birth to this beautiful baby boy treat him like ****?

I have an ex who is exactly the same. perhaps even worse.
i think some people were just not meant to have children and cant recognize that until they actually do and see its not for them.
sad for the kids, and for us who have to constantly heal little broken hearts- but it is what it is. be glad you are there for him, thats the best you can do.

In the same boat here.... my ex wanted the biker lifestyle and "things" that go with it more than her family. She had a child when I married her, and was a good person. Two years after the birth of our child, she started cheating with a guy who had one thing she really wanted most in life... a Harley Davidson... yep, isn't that something? Anyway, they became friends, one thing led to another, and she decided to leave us for him. She dropped off her first child to her first husband (who, by the way is not the child's biological father), I kept ours, and she took off. Can't figure it out. She's on the run now.. there's a warrant for her arrest. She owes me close to $20k in back child support. And they always talk about dead-beat dads...

I totally agree. My son asked me why his mom never calls him. The only response I could give him is that some people just do not know how to show other people there love and just b/c they dont show it does not mean they do not love them. I know that is what Jr needed to hear however I felt horrible while telling him this b/c I think the love is truely missing all together.

wow... as a single mother, we applaud you for taking such good care of your son. There are many men that don't, on the other hand, there are alot of men that do and they go unrecognized. Just because you are the mother doesn't always make you the best parent...

i am in the same boat.my son had not seen my ex in a year then he decides to go to singapore on company buisness for three years.that said I hope you let her see your son even though its been awhile.Keeping him from her only makes you the villian since the one who doesnt visit gets put up on a pedestal.

My daughter's father moved to Hawaii and can't find 10 minutes a week to call his daughter since he has a new family.

I also want to comment on how you don't talk bad about his mom in front of him, that is so important. I see all to often where one parent bashes another and beings the kids in the middle, it's so not fair.
I always make a point not to say anything bad about my daughter's father in front of her. She will make up her own opinion from his actions, not mine.

i think thats awesome taking responsiblity you go dude!

i think thats awesome taking responsiblity you go dude!

i think thats awesome taking responsiblity you go dude!

Impala's impressed dude!!

As unfortunate as that is...and it IS a tragedy...YOU have some opportunities to learn in front of you. (Nice way of saying "challenges", huh). This happens all too frequently - but usually it's the dad not around.

At any rate, it's not about gender or which parent isn't there. It concerns me, though, that (if I"m understanding correctly) your ex just pops in when she feels like it...6 months, 3 months, whatever...and there's no stability or expectation. Even though I'm sure your son is thrilled to see his mom whenever she checks in, that can't be good for him, long-term. Is this what he will seek in his relationships as an adult, too? I think I would have to set some boundries with that. For example, let her know that she either needs to see him on a consistent, regular basis - even if that's just once a month or once every 2 months or whatever - or not at all.

Just a thought...and you might talk to a parenting or family counselor for some suggestions, too. Best wishes to you...

It's beyond understanding, from a woman's point of view who has 5 children she loves dearly and would do anything for.

WTH .. who knows???? But you are right. Your son will figure it out in time. Do what's best for him .. that's all that matters now.

Thank you for your advise and thoughts goes to all of you.

I have had the conversation with my ex about how she is hurting our son. She was told to either stay out of his life of lets do something on a regular basis. I was told that she would start calling and coming to see him, but this never happened. My son and I go to see a counselors (he his and me mine) once a week to talk about whatever is on his mind. I was worried about him going throw life and having failed relationship after failed relationship like I did. These day we are both my better and stronger but my son has a very long road ahead of him. Daddy will be by his side until the good lord calls for me.

A bit off topic but something I have found to be true in life as in relationships, we as people are not born with the tools and knowhow to successfully manage a healthy relationship. In my opinion anyway...

There is one step worse, in my book. The mother of my children has changed her mind about the custody arrangement. She wants them back because of the money that would come with them. She admitted it in front of me and both of our lawyers.

I'm not trying to shift focus, just add some perspective.

The whole situation Royally Sux, no doubt about it.

HMontana is quite right: work for consistency in the visits.

Offer to pay for the activity during the visit. I don't remember where I heard/read this, but it may be a valid option. Those hotels with the indoor water park are ideal 'safe' visiting places. There is space to be apart, space to be together, ever present activities for kids and adults; an all around win.

Enough woman were offering emotional support. I thought I'd do the guy thing and offer support and a solution! Ok, Ok, I know, unnecessary gender stereotyping, even after quoting the comely Hmontana. Finding humor in all things is the key to coping, IMO.

There is a term close to what you are feeling: compassion burnout. It is very tough for action oriented men to continually support a sub-optimal situation. The stress is real. The feelings are valid. This little bit of venting may be all you need to cope, but don't be afraid to seek further assistance.

Ok, you posted while I was composing my last. It looks like you got things well in hand. Good Luck, and remember there are those of us who are in your corner that you will never meet.

I was reading what y'all said and one of my first thoughts were, what happened to just taking care of your responsibilites?
I have three kids with my ex and for the longest time i did it alone with him only having every other weekend. If i asked him to take them so I could run some errands, he had a life. Lucky him..... Now tho the kids are supposed to be with each of us during the week. Cannot tell you how many times I have the two youngest because they have things to do. As much as it frustrates me, i love my kids and have to the urge to do whatever i can.

It sounds to me like he IS taking care of his responsibilities...not complaining about them. It appears to me that he is hurting for his son and the pain his son must be feeling and just wanted a little support and encouragement.

I agree, I didn't see it is a complaint either. More of just looking to talk to people in the same spot as he is...