(I posted this in our forum, to let my online friends know whats going
on in my life).I have been silent for to long!

This email I know will fall upon deaf ears. Nevertheless, I will send it
not for your eyes to read but for your heart to know. I wake up at night
with a fading dream of our little boy screaming my name And I screaming
his. I hope you never know the emptiness that a parent feels when they
cannot touch their child, when they cannot hear their child’s little
voice say I love you, or to play, laugh, embrace, and create memories.
Kelly may you never feel the complete and utter helplessness that a
parent feels when their child is so close but held so far away! I hope
you never have to beg just to be a part of one of your child’s life. May
you never be told that you can not speak with your child, hold your
child, spend time with your child, bond with your child, cause I can
assure you the emptiness is so great, and the pain is so deep, that it
overwhelms you. Your knees weaken, your heart aches, your stomach will
fill with butterflies that will not go away, and your soul will weep,
you will be tortured when you close your eyes to sleep for the memories
of your child will be there and yet your child will not…. Memories like
when you got to hold your baby for the first time, or you watched him
walk, or say your name, when you held him all night, “worried cause he
was feeling ill”, or when he fell and needed your love, when you would
hold him so tight next to you and sing him to sleep.. Holidays will be
of no joy to you, for the longing will not subside, the same will happen
on birthdays or at the store when you hear a child’s voice. You will
fall down on your knees and pray that God will just hear your cries and
answer your prayers! You will battle with, anger, hurt, pain, sadness,
and depression, you will feel so incomplete. How do I know you will feel
this way? Because it is the way I feel!

I have begged you and pleaded with you to be apart of our sons life. I
know you don’t like me and I am fine with that but to deprive Chase from
his father I will never be fine with! You say I am not a father and you
are right but not because I do not want to be but because you prevent me
from being! I ask to meet with his teacher’s and you say no but you will
allow him to spend the weekend with me. I ask to meet his babysitter and
you say no and you say she told you I told her you abuse Chase. I ask to
talk with him and you say no because you do not want me to tell him I
call him every day.I tell you I want him to go to church with me and you
say no, stating he alredy has a church with your mom. When he was
playing ball you would not tell me when the games were and you did not
want me at his practices but when my work demanded mandatory overtime
and i could no longer come to his games you said I was sorry for that.I
gave you money for me to have pictures of chase with his team and you
never gave me the pictures. You call me in the morning hours to tell me
that I can get chase for Christmas weekend so long as I have him back by
5pm and you even go as far as to let Chase believe he would spend time
with his dad. Kelly, He was so excited, (only the second time I have
seen allowed to talk with him in 4 months) why would you play with
Chase’s mind and heart like that.You call me in the morning hours to
tell me I can speak with Chase the following day to just as always not
answer the phone. It is wrong Kelly it has been wrong! I know you blame
me for the scar on your head but we both know the truth with that! I
know you want me to sign my right as a father over so David can adopt
him but Kelly I will never do that and I will always try/want to see my
son. I am behind on my child support quiet a bit and I don’t like being
broke but just because I lost my job and havnt been able to afford
support doesn’t mean I should lose my son or the ability to see him! I
have now been blessed with a job at the same pay scale and will be able
to provide the same insurance and child support as I have for the last 2
years and seven months. However, Kelly this has to stop it is not right
to keep a child from a parent just because it makes your life easier or
because you do not like me! It is about Chase and not you and I! I will
continue to call and I pray you will not continue to not answer. It has
been 4 months since you have let me see Chase though I have and am
willing/longing to see him anytime! Though I call on a daily basis in
the last 4 months you have only allowed me to talk with Chase twice. I
beg you with my heart to please stop! This email will probably anger you
as anything I say or do does but I love my son and he loves his father!

People that do this kinda stuff with kids makes me SICK. If one parent
has ill feelings, resentment or plain outright hates the other, NEVER
EVER use the children to harm the other parent. You are hurting your
children deeply and causing them emotional distress, I have been there
too bro. Anyone that does this, does not deserve to have their children
and should be knocked upside their damn heads. Leave the children out of
your torrid affairs and let them be children. They only have one
childhood don't screw that up with your ignorance.Brother if you have to
hire a detective and dig **** up on the ***** to take to court and get
your child, then by all means do so. I have my kids, it was a long tough
road, but well worth every glorious second.

I am so sorry and she gives single mothers a really bad name. Mine
did'nt pay a dime for seven months and i begged him to part of childrens
lives. I am so sorry

Yea i am sorry too iceprincess, It truely is a shame! Forgive me for the
post I guess I just needed to vent! MikeM68 you are completely right
court is where we will end up but it just anger's/saddens me that us
fathers have to fight for a God giving right! You know? I do not believe
all mothers are this way and to you that are not I thank you from all of
my heart but to you that are, How dare you? When you are low on money
already court and detectives seem so out there.. I called legal aid in
my area and they don't handle child cases.. I feel there are no havens
for a father to find help. I dont get it? I will save every penny and
get myself into court but my heart hurts for the memories that have and
will be lost untile that day!! Thanks you guys!!

these is so so wrug of any one to us a child against the other
as a father I have been blessed with haveing him but can tell you that
I do understand you very much so a child needs both hes mom and dad
a child needs these and for one to us the child to hurt the other is so
wrung as you now hurt the other as well as the child
I have a xx she dont see her child but not from me from her own doings
as she dont call ever for him.
I offered to bring her here eveion pay her way here and back to see her
child be with him for xmas time she says no.
but then says I keep her child from her
I have offered and offerd but she says shes busy to busy for her only
child
she wanted other men had no time for him when he needed her.
when I loved her and needed her she had to have other men be in chat
rooms go meet them
her idea of a mom is you see your child only when you want to be a mom
on that day
are tell you that your child can have two dads and want him to call the
guy shes now with dad as well
then she would tell me the resion she chet on me was every seens your
child was born she lost some of your atsion to her
but in life both mom and dad shold give there kids that always
she has not seen her child in over two years now she dont call are
write him but will write me now and then and tell me its my falt
she dont have her child in her life
I try and try to get her to call she says she can not she dont have a
phone I tell her us a freinds go to pay phone she always has a reson
she can not
she write her child email back in june was the last time and she told
him she was a hooker now that it dont pay well but its a liveing I was
floored bye it
could not belive that she would tell her own child somethang like these
but she did so I prited it and saved it
I do understand you very much so and do know these child needs you
as well but thats the porblum with are world so many out there are
only about them salfss
and us there kids as power treps and thank thay are big are
somethang from doing these
I would love for my child to have a mom but he has no mom
has had no mom seens he was 3 years old he is now 9 years old will be
10 very soon
and steel no mom
I know what its like to be strotyped bye one after another
to never be given the time of day as thay take one look at you and dont
eveion want to know you
I know the hurt of lonlynss and also no the hurt of a child who wants a
mom
I got to see my child come out from school on mothers day with water
runing down hes face as his class dune cards up for there mommys
guess what he dont have a mommy it hurts him deep in side as well as
hurts me deep in side
every one out there now days guys and woman are lieing chetting and
using
its sad and woman now days are going after one thang and most all
woman are the same as I have found out so many times over and over to
them its all about looks if not looks its size are mony
and dont want a commitment want to run from one to the nexst
and theres just as many guys doing the same so yes its sad what these
world has come to so sorry to here these but do understand you and
only wish these kind of thang would stop
would tell all read the good book go to churh
and start careing for one another from the hart and put your childern
frst in life put there needs as number one and put your wants to the
side
I true famly the guy loves the woman as much as she loves him and thay
both love there kids as much as thay do one another have a good one
and only hope thangs get better for you soon

all i can say is i'm sorry.i don't know the history or her side. but no
matter what she's not right if your not abusive or endangering the child
she's not right.

Wow!! Bill Mt heart goes out to you, that is a heavy load you have. But
man, way to go!! You are there with your beautiful son being a wonderful
dad! I am sorry that his mother is that way and it truely brings sorrow
to me.. Bill I don't believe all woman are that way as matter of fact I
know they are not all that way and you WILL meet a good lady I am sure
of that! You have to be a GREAT guy to step up the way you have so I
know it will happen you will fall in love with a woman and her with you
and what a wonderful day that will be! I want to thank you for feeling
my pain and I want to thank you for being such a great father to that
little boy of yours! You know I hear your longing for you child to have
a mother and for you a wife. Don't allow your heart to harden because of
the actions of another. Bill thank you my friend..

I do not beliven hitting any one ever dont belive any one is some ones
boss in a relsionshep you should be freinds frest in be tween and
alwas no one hits any one I never hit her ever I loved her with all
my hart
and was hurt bad bye her doings and to these day can say these its
very hard to ever get over that hurt when you have no one to eveion go
one with
so the hurt stays the memerys stays was with her for 13 years new her
for 5 years be for we was she just told me she has a new world and I
was not included in it as she went on to others
and these man whos feeling the hurt of not have ing hes kids has a
right to be hurt as its wrung I feel for him and I know the hurt of
the oppeset but also no that there are so many from both guys and
woman doing wrung just wish thay would wake there assess up and be
honset and let the children have there moms and dads

As I read this I began to cry...I know too well what you are going
through. During my divorce several years ago I lost custody of my three
small children to their dad...he had abused me (mentally & physically)
for over 8 long years and always told me that if I ever tried to leave
him for good that he would take our children from me. I finally left
him for good (fearing that if I didn't that he would either kill me or
something would happen to the kids) taking my children with me...we were
apart for six months...he continued to party during that time and was
not concerned about the kids...but when he realized that I was not going
to go back into the abuse he hired a high priced lawyer in our town and
made good on his promise. I had no money and no job and no
lawyer...they set the court date right before court was to let out for
Christmas break...I showed up at court to literally beg for my kids
because I loved them and feared for their safety...the family judge just
yawned and said that it was all just temporary and he had to do
something on that day. He gave my ex temporary custody...I continued to
fight from that day forward for my kids but it fell on deaf ears (I kept
hearing people say things like "it is all political" & "money talks &
bull**** walks"). Within 3 months of my ex receiving temp. custody one
of my son's was kicked in the face by a horse because his dad was not
watching him...my son was 7 at the time & his dad told him that if he
could catch the horse then he could ride it! My ex was found for
neglect by social services but the judge refused to remove the kids from
the home & even went on to give him sole custody. In my divorce papers
it plainly states that my husband abused alcohol and was abusive to
me...I had gotten at least 8 restraining orders in the time that we were
together...I had lost count but a social worker testified during our
divorce that I was a battered wife.
Reading your story makes me realize that there ae still people going
through this type of pain. When I left the courtroom I was numb...I
felt nothing...I really did not even want to live. The only thing that
kept me going was my kids...I felt like I had experienced the death of
my children...it was like a part of my body was gone...I mourned like
that for over a year. I had been told to get out of the abuse and when
I did my kids were left behind and there was nothing I could do...I felt
guilty on top of everything else becasue I knew that if I had stayed it
would be me that he was abusing and not them. I have kept quiet for
many years because of my chldren but they are now 19 (twins) and 16...I
have struggled to finish my college degree which I am now in my senior
year...I am a psychology major (an honor student) and to think back on
how he told me that I was crazy!!...lol I am thinking that I may one
day write a book about situations like this...no one knows what happens
behind the doors of the family courts unles someone speaks out...it is
not just a man's issue or a woman's issue...in my opinion it is a
child's issue and it needs to stop.
Gee, I really did not mean to ramble on but I know that when people see
me today that they have no idea the hell that I have endured. I just
wanted to say that I do know how you feel...I called my kids
everyday...many times I was not allowed to talk to them...I could not
sleep at night...I thought I was surely going to go crazy but when I
could not take it anymore I simply said, "God, please take this from me
I cannot bear it any longer." I instantly felt a burden lifted from me
& I began to set goals for my life...it may seem silly to some but even
to this day around this time of year I still feel that loss..even though
I now see my kids on a regular basis...I feel the loss of all the things
that we missed out on together...I was ordered to hand my children over
to their dad on Christmas eve...they were 7 & 4...my heart was broken.

I here you guy your words are here I steel keep trying but what I
sead about woman is only from whats happion with me
in the last few years and seen with my own eyes but have seen its both
guys and woman doing wrung out there I knoww there is good and bad in
both but tell you finding the good is so so hard to do thanks for
your understanding and I am sure you are a great dad as well just to bad
your xx would not see that and let you be for the child as thay kids
need both not just one and no other man can ever take your place as
there dad just like for the woman no on can take her place in life
ether man and woman need to grew up and do not have kids and get marred
unless thay plane on and know thay love one another dont let any one in
your hart when you love some one you stand bye them others will try
but you trun then off keep your hart with the one whom you give it to
always thanks

gterry. I hear ya and it is not right to keep a child from a parent. I
was divorced 15 years ago made the choice not to remarry or have a man
live with me and my kids. For the simple fact that they had a dad and it
was up to him to be ond sad thing he was to busy wanting to party and
other women than his kids. Ohhh my kids go around him now but do to his
lack of wanting to be around them while they were little he missed out
on alot that he could have had. My ex was told to pick up the kids
anytime he wanted to all it was was a phone call away the man lived 10
blocks away with him mom which helped me out a lot but he still very
seldom picked up the kids. But... even tho I wish he had taked more
times with them all it did was make umy kids closer in the long run with
me. I have the closeness of my kids they have been my world. I'm sorry
that you have gone thro what you have only thing I can say is fight for
them now and its not child services you need to call its the DA office
they are the ones that take care of that they will also do it at a lower
cost file all the paper work and get it into the courts cost is usually
under $200.00 some area's under $100 so call them they will send you the
paper work that has to be filled out and sent back to them. See it does
not matter if you are behind on child support what most do not realize
is child support and visitation rights are two totaly separtate issures.

sorry to say I hear these kind of stories almost every day, am just not
able to understand what goes through peoples minds, that cause them to
do this. was married for 50 years to one lady, we raised 3 kids who were
well adjusted because we never had problems like this. we would still be
togeather except the lord called her home. I only have one problem
trying to find a lady to spend my final years with, something I would
like to do but seems so elusive it may never happen.

Bright Happy Honest, When i read your story my eyes teared up because I
know you know the emptiness. You are strong and I hurt for you that you
had to summon that kind of strength! Congrats on the degree and I am
proud of you! You do get numb and yet the hurt is so much there, Its
sad! I love God so much and I know he loves me I too have put it in his
hands because I just can't bare all the burden by myself! I know you
know where I am comming from. And yes you are so right it is not a
woman/man issue it is a child issue!( though we suffer it is they who
suffer such a injustice). God bless you and ty!!

TxsGal, I have not contacted the DA office and thank you for the advise
I will try that route. I agree with you I wish he (your Ex)had wanted
more time with his babies too.Some people have such hate that you dont
want to be with them, or maybe its they are so controling or maybe both
that they will do such mean things to the other. Never realizing or if
realizing don't care that they are hurting the child as well! I share
all of your pains and I know you do mine. What a wonderful world we live
in to hurt for a person we don't even know! How greatful I am for that!!
Merry Christmas and thank you! Bill give that boy of yours a extra hug
and stay strong!!

I want to provide this link for anyone who is interested in this
subject...I first found this site 2 years ago
http://www.kids-right.org/shame.htm

I have 3 daughters from my first marriage. I left him cause of phyical
and mental abuse.

I moved from Tx to OR. Being that far away he was not able to see his
children. I had to beg him to send birthday cards, and something for
them for Christmas. And yet every year I let my children send HIM a
birthday card, with pictures in it, and they sent him a Christmas gift.

To this day he does not care about his 3 daughters or his 9
grandchildren. All that he cares about is his new family that he has.

T

gterry never give up hope always try to stay in touch at least the kid
gets old enough he can choose where he wants to be, if, and only if,
there is a good chance of child endangerment or neglect then you can get
child services involved annonomously, and for free. That is what got the
ball rolling for me but it took several attempts. It's a long story so I
can't get detailed. Don't do it though and slander her name if she
isn't putting the child in harms way or neglecting him. Peace out bro
and I wish you and your son very good luck the best future possible.

I don't know what the custody agreement wbetween the 2 of you states but
you should have at least everyother weekend and 2 weeks out of the
summer though I am sure you would like more. Alot of mothers are getting
to the point they are unfit, more and more fathers are getting custody
of their children. There is a judge in a county close to me that as a
lawyer he got custody of his children and is very much in favor of the
father. You might could do some research and find a lawyer and get a
change of venue to the county with the judge that will give you the best
chance of achieving your goals. If she is going against custody orders
take her ass to court, you can have that child in your home before she
can think about what she was doing.

Trust me dude you can do it. It takes a strong will and impowered
determination. I got my girls and several of my friends have done it.
You can too!!

So sorry for what you are going trough, I know is painfull because my
older son is going trough the same, and I see him cry and get depressed
because he cant see his daughter, sorry man. I hope things can change
and you would be able to have ur baby with you and give that baby all
that love you have inside,

Is funny, because my 11 y/o son dad is dead, I wish he was alive so my
son can have his father, he is missing out on that love, the same love
that ur want to give your child.

chin up mannn!! and there must be a way that you can see your child,
and that is the law, find out what are your options and work on
it,,,,,,,,good luck

Morena