Yep I am with you sister.......got spanked and never hated my parents for it and learned some lessons......I spanked my children when they were small......time out did nothing for them.....I figure if it worked for me it would work for them and it did.....

Yeaaaaa. I agree with you completely! I don't have to spank my 13 yr old, cause we have an understanding also. What are we supposed to say though "Now Now Tommy, robbing that bank and killing three people was not very nice, you have to take a time out! LOL! Spanking is ok!!!!But Everyone should do what is best for them and their family.

You simply can tap a cheek, if and when you become a SINGLE MOTHER, let me know. I have two boys, the one has anxiety and P.T. There are amply amounty of people around that believe that spanking a child is ok, there is however a differance in spanking and beating, I DO NOT spank with anything other than my hand. I do not do BARE BUTT spanking, if I spank and my hand hurts thats to hard.

My oldest on has it in his mind if I spank in than I will go to jail. SO, yesterday, it was in your book OK for him to want to hit me with his baseball bat and than spit on me. I did not react and he spent the rest of his night in his room reading books, Nothing more, he had dinner and a bath and back to his room he went.

I do believe Jim is a father, and he is single. Is it somehow different for a mother?

I don't recall seeing anyone say that it is OK for a boy to hit you with a baseball bat and spit on you.

I think what they were saying is that there alternatives to physically hurting children; but if you prefer to use violence against small people that is your right. I hope it works out for you.

What is the difference between a single mother and a SINGLE FATHER? Never once! Let me repeat that...NEVER ONCE! Have I had to put a hand on my daughter, nor even have to raise a hand to make her fearful. Dont even attempt to belittle my parenthood lesser than yours. I work just as hard to come home and raise my daughter...

No matter what you say.. A "tap" wont be effective. Tapping is just that...Tapping wont even leave a red mark. You need to take a closer look at your path in obedience. Your a grown woman, take the bat away. Being the one has anxiety and PT, maybe therapy and positive treatments are required. Spanking/hitting children are not going to be the solution, even more to the fact there may be some form of disorder.

Violence (which is hitting no matter what you say) only creates more violence.

Be the solution, not the problem

I am soo confused....I don't see how you taped your kid on the cheek as a way to punish or get their attention. I am a single mother. I don't have to spank or hit my kids in anyway shape or form. No lie I look them in the eye on their level and I talk to them in a firm and stern voice. You don't have to make your kids believe you are going to physically harm them if they act up. There are soo many other ways of doing it. Example I have a 4 year old who has accidents, now these accidents consist of many things from potty accidents to sleep walking and getting into things to unintentionally breaking toys...(he is kind of a rough kid). Now from where I am sitting it seems you "taped" your kid because you lost control of the situation and it bothered you. Well duh losing control is the number one problem with parents now days they never take control to begin with. Now where I was going with this is I get frustrated with my boy all the time....ALL THE TIME!! I don't feel the need to smack him around though. When these "accidents" occur....like this weekend he loses something...like as a good behavior treat the boys got to go to McD's for lunch...well my 4 year old stayed home with his Aunt and he new why and he knew where we were going. I promise you this the rest of the weekend he was on his best behavior because he know's good kids get to do good/fun things. Not saying that he is bad. Kill you kids with love and kindness...is it okay to spank...if it is your only option in the situation. I am not telling you how to raise your boys...you think having 2 is hard...honey try 3 all within 3 years of each other and get back to me. I love being a mom it has its ups and downs...thats part of life with kids. I think as a Mom you need to step back and look at yourself and tell me if you like what you see. Which I could tell you, you probably don't because if you did you wouldn't see the need to defend yourself on a website soo much....hmmm *chew on that a bit*

Great words Rosie

Doesn't Rosie rock, Jim?

Very much so!!! I wish a lot of parents saw all 3 of our visions....Children would be happier in life...and would almost bet crime rate would go down

Well the thing is, to all the people who say "I was spanked as a child and I want to spank my kids too", I want to say that they are just perpetuating the cycle of violence. You can break the cycle; I did. It can be done. Just because your parents bullied you and used physical violence to control you does not mean you have to continue the cycle by inflicting violence on your own children. You have a choice.

I think most feel the enjoyment in control or placing fear in a child...I think it's sick..just sick

HC... I was good and went to Mickey D's! Whoopie!

Honestly I believe that OP is stressed and overwhelmed and could benefit from some therapy, maybe parenting classes, and anger management sessions. It really helps, and those kids will grow up so much happier. From what she said they are already suffering from anxiety, etc. This family needs help quick! I worry about people on the edge like this, and what life is like for those little kids.

http://www.justsayhi.com/topic/show/100430

Thats the thing though it is sick. People don't like men beat women, or people smaller and weaker in general...soo what is the diffrence with hitting your kids to make them listen to you?

One other thing I want to throw out there. It really bothers me when you see young single mothers and they blam their behavior on their age. How old you are doesn't determine how you treat your children. I am sure I am going to get a lot of comments once I say this but I am a young mom. I am 22 years old. Even when I was still married I raised those babies myself. I didn't get any help and they are good kids without violence. I don't understand it.

All I can say is

Wow

Not ok at all. I read this and asked both of mine what they thought I'd do should they perform something like this with me.

You should have seen the wide-eyed look of terror on their faces. I then asked them what if they did that to their mother. Same thing. Sheer abject terror.

You really need to get a grip on that one. Chasing you with a bat shows an absolute lack of respect for your authority and the spitting is a perfect sign of contempt. If you send him to his room for it then it needs to be for a week or so not just one evening. Consistency is the key.

Personally....I'd wear his butt out if he spit on me.

I am so sorry you are facing this without more help from your childrens father's, your extended family, and society in general. Those who are blessed with "easy" kids that internalize boundries with hugs and gentle words don't know how blessed they are. Single Dad's get a lot of help and have a natural position of power that single Mom's don't. Some people are blessed with calm natural abilities as parents that others are not. Yes you can learn some skills but noone is successful as a parent in a vacume and some situations are a lot better than others. For those that feel like they are doing such a hot job remember it isn't over for a long time so remember crow is a bitter dish eatten cold and you don't know your method works any better than hers. Most sucessful middle class people were spanked as children.

I don't think a swat in the seat of the pants to a normal child is a bad way of teaching boundries but I doubt how effective it is to a child with problems. And I know it is ineffective if over used. Or when a child wants what ever they want more than they dislike or fear a spanking.

It sounds to me like as a single Mom you are trying to do too much with too few resources if your child is having a melt down after school in the hallway on a rushed tripped to a sport. Can a coach help pick up your chld for the activity? Can you schedule a rest break after school? Does your child maybe need to go to bed earlier or get up later. Do you need a sitter that lets your kids stay in the house when you go to work early? The situation is not hopeless.

A child spitting and boffing Mom with a bat is not all that untypical of a 2 year old but your children are of the age that this is disturbing behavior that needs to be addressed immediately and seriously in children of this age. Removeing a bat, a weapon, would seem required. For your safety or for the safety of both children because they could/will hurt each other.

I don't support slapping a kid in the head. I know you think it is a tap and I just cringe to think that you believe that a child is not capable of moving and making it posssible for you to strike their eye, ear, or the soft side of their head and cause brain stem or spinal cord injuries. It is impossible to gage the force you use when you are angry and pop a kid in the mouth.

What may help is asking professionals for respite care so that you can get some help to parent in a way that is successful and happy. I wish you well. Sorry you had such a miserable day.



I can imagine how frusterated you were with a cop not giving you a lot of participation in this situation but do you really want a cop to teach your children the only way you can control a situation is with their input? Do you want to start that cycle of your life?

Pacific.... Hats off to you, my dear. That was a fantasic post!