Sweetie, with the way the economy is right now, U might wanna rethink a couple of those. Not every man that's unemployed is a lazy bum lookin for a woman to support him, especially right now. Nor has every man that's been in jail unworthy of a 2nd chance.

While the ultimate intent of "I have kids and I'm really only looking for someone who can accept that they are the major focus of my life" and "I am a single mother of two kids and they are my world and if you don't like it, then get lost" may, in fact, be the same, there is something to be said for the palatability of the delivery.

I don't mean to butt in here, but I actually dated a guy a few years back who didn't want kids! Umm hello, I have a child. He thought I should put my son up for adoption so him and I could be together without the burden of my child.
DUH!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone has them.... our set standards that we refuse to let go of . What are your 5 non-negotiables when it comes to meeting someone?

Must be real.

Must be capable of speaking their truth..( how do you believe someone who says I love you, if they spend their whole time just being fluffy...ie; 'oh that's nice', 'yes dear, you look lovely','you are so right'...) Give me someone who can stand up and say, 'Lee, that's not right', 'you look a bloody mess!', 'that is utter crap!'... I know when he says I look great, it is his truth... when he says I love you, I know IN THAT MOMENT, it is his truth.

Must be real
Must be real
Must be real.

Well, I would see that as a totally extreme case. He was being unrealistic and selfish in that particular instance, and I would be a little leery of any mother who would actually consider putting a man before her own child. And, yes, I have run into that situation a few times. But rarely.

Maybe it's just me, but I automatically assume that a woman with a child (or children) is going to make him, her, or them her FIRST priority. That just makes sense to me. If they're NOT her first priority, then that raises some serious questions for me.

But from the standpoint of someone who doesn't want kids, and who doesn't want to date anyone with kids, I do find it puzzling as to why so many single mothers are so vehement in the way they express their disdain for men who don't want to deal with women who have kids.

All I have to see is "single mother" or "I have kids" or something along those lines, and I'm out of there. The "....and if you don't like it, you can go impale yourself on the big spiked fence outside of St. Mathias Church" stuff is just overkill.

I agree some women go to the extreme about their kids what they write. My son's father never sees him, so for someone like me, I realized dating is an impossibility so I changed my profile. But this is all my profile says about my child:

"My son is 9 and has special needs, if you aren't willing to accept both of us, please keep looking."

To me, thats not out of line, especially after the one psycho I dated, I just want men to understand he is a big part of my life.

Well, just from my own personal perspective, it comes across as an invitation to gentlemen who do not WANT to have kids within the relationship. "If you don't want kids in your life, then keep on steppin'." Well, okay! Color me gone!

To that end, to a certain extent, I can't really say I blame them. There are many men who don't want the added attraction of kids interfering in a budding relationship. Truth be told, more often than not, they are a tremendous strain on trying to get a romance to blossom. This is NOT intended to be a blanket statement, and granted, it's a sure bet that there ARE men who have no problem with kids. Either way, it's a crapshoot at best. Some folks like the idea of a pre-existing built-in family. Others prefer not to have to deal with the attention diversion, the ex, extra expenses, etc.

I'm just sayin'.

Diplomacy has never been my strong suit (never would've guessed, huh?), but perhaps an example of how to word it differently would be something like, "I have children. They have needs. I would appreciate the assistance, but if this is not what you are interested in, I understand. Unfortunately, we might not make a good match, but I wish you good fortune in your further endeavors."

Okay, maybe not so wordy (not to worry, though -- most would have severe difficulty considering this route). I just enjoy utilizing my education. That's how I roll.

1- Must be responsible.
2- Must NOT be flaky or otherwise unstable in some way.
3- Must be respectful, not only to me, but to herself as well.
4- Must know what she wants and not resort to jerkin' me around when she doesn't.
5- Must... uh... er... like cheese?

In all honestly my sayin 'If you don't want kids in ur life, keep on steppin' is just how I roll. I'm blunt an to the point. I don't see the point of sugar coatin.

You're asking for too much, Lee. Skip it.

be a wonderful human being
loving and kind
playful and irreverent
smart and upbeat