I would say it's more x=10Y^2-5Y +7.

But I think the dishonesty point is valid, too.

When you have a site full of people, and one gender says "I'm looking for someone who is smart and funny and understanding," and the site is full of people of the opposite gender who are smart and funny and understanding, and yet no one is getting together, what does that tell you?

What it tells me is that there are a lot of people who are just saying what they think they're SUPPOSED to say, in order to NOT seem shallow or superficial. This behavioral regimentation is a pretty serious business, and in some cases it seems to create something of a "dating site schizophrenia."

So they act like they're looking for the opposite of what they really want. And since no one will come right out and tell the truth about what it is they really DO want, no one has any idea who might work as a potential partner.

Of course there is a integer of dishonesty, but not all of them are dishonest.

As well, think of this site much like a trade where you are the item up for grabs. You're going to try and sell yourself as best you can, for the most part no one will put on there that they are an ugly, uncomedic, poor bastard of a person. That just won't happen.

Perhaps they are saying what they think they're supposed to say, but more or less I think it is just them trying to sell themselves. The world is a meat-market, and online dating exasperates it even moreso than it is in real life. Now there isn't anyone that will put a false claim on it unless they know you, and you are in full control of who knows you and who doesn't know you.

Then you have the few that actually put out on their profile what they are looking for exactly, like yourself. Where this fails though is that no one has the attention span to read it (which, I might add, I've read your profile a couple of times now.) So where that leaves it is at this, we have x which we will call prospective partner, and we have y which we will say is you...now we multiply y by 10 and come up with 10y, so by that x now has to achieve the 10 in order to just equal the y. And let's face it, there just isn't very many people willing to go through the trouble...why? Because it is point and click now, we no longer have to go to the library or other places to meet someone, which exasperates just how difficult it is to get a date.

...No one can expect to jump right into a room and shout out "I'm looking for a single, intelligent, and beautiful girl!" and expect it to succeed, yet, for some reason or another, they think it will work like a charm here.

Wade through the many to find the few.

Well, sure. But the giveaway there is that they prove themselves by their words in the forums, or in their profiles, if nothing else.

I'm talking about the sort of knee-jerk, brain-dead mindset that makes a person write "I'm the most unique girl you'll ever meet," and then write all the same boring garbage every other girl on the page has written. Maybe they don't even realize they're lying. I don't know. I can't even imagine living like that!



We're all trying to sell ourselves in one way or another, though, right? But what's the benefit of lying about it and then getting caught in the lie?

And I'm not talking about the ones who lie about their weight or their income or whatever. I can see that as a potential "selling point," so to speak. I'm talking about the ones who say "I'm looking for THIS," when they actually have no interest in THIS, and they only want THAT. Obstructionism doesn't help anybody, and it doesn't lead to people getting together. Not for any length of time, anyway.



But you wouldn't even have to read my whole profile to know exactly what I'm looking for -- which is something I set up that way intentionally; so that, assuming someone just skims it or reads a couple of paragraphs here and there, it's right out in the open for them to see.

I don't want to waste anybody's time, and I certainly don't want to waste my own. And you're never going to see me pretending to be interested in the type of person I'm NOT interested in.



I'm still wading through the many to find ONE!! -- and no luck yet....!

Yep, like I said I don't understand the purpose of writing "I'm different than everyone you've met".

Everyone has subtle differences.

I'm only interested in what a potential date has to offer in a relationship (and the first thought is not sex). As I'm sure she is interested in what I'd have to offer.

Its a given that people will probably embellish their profiles a little. Thats not necessarily lying. But I still maintain that the majority of people in their profiles are not lying in any case. They are only stating how they view what they'd like.

Or maybe a number of people are just confused in what they want in someone.

I'm not fit to date. I've accepted it.

I don't get why the concept of preferences is hard to understand. Even if someone says they want a nice guy or a good woman or someone who makes them laugh, 9 times out of 10, they want more than that, otherwise there would be no unhappily single people. If I was looking for someone, I'd say I want a guy who is clever and intelligent; I'd never say funny because I find funny men to be annoying. However, I don't want just clever and intelligent. This is my description of the perfect man, for me:

pretty eyes (glasses are a plus)
great hair
great tummy
no kids
not married
not old
not too young
not stupid
clever
intelligent
hot face
creative
no chest hair
great butt
not wrapped up in his family
thinks for himself
nice hands
not too tall
not too short
not fat
not bald (goes with great hair, but whatever)
sexy voice
thinks I'm amazing
puts up with my chit
fabulous personality
great imagination
not an arrogant prick
not crazy

See, how I included clever and intelligent, but he has to have all of the other attributes? Every single one of them. I'm not settling, not compromising, and I'm not desperate. Guess what? He exists, I talk to him every day.

It's a nightmare. Everybody is OK with your preferences, JUST SO LONG AS your preferences don't exclude THEM.

At that point, you cease to be "discriminating" and "selective," and you become "shallow," "superficial," and "you don't know what you're missing out on."

But, trust me, folks, I really DO know what I'm missing out on. And that's precisely why I have chosen to miss out on it.



It's shorthand, and grossly inadequate shorthand at that.

I was on a site where they rank possible matches by "Friend percentage" and "Enemy percentage" and "Match percentage," etc. -- and they were sending me matches that were 94% Friend, 0% Enemy -- and when I'd look at the profiles, it would say something like "You do not meet this person's settings." They would have "Must be between the ages of 27 and 28" or something. How that stuff doesn't figure into Friend/Enemy percentages, I have no idea.



And people tell me I'M too picky....jeeeeeez.....!

It's not too picky if it works, though.

I wouldn't know anything about that....!

I used to be on that site, Lex, I know what you mean, most of the people they picked for me were beyond disgusting. Sounds like they need their matching system tweaked a bit.

I meant for me, silly....

I met someone from there back in 2006 -- a disturbing experience, to say the least....

I met 3 people from there, one I'm still friends with, the other 2 turned out to be complete whack jobs.....

I don't know... He literally facks her brains out!!!
HOW MUCH MORE INTELLIGENT CAN THE INTERCOURSE GET? ? ? lol
And he also accompanies that with a special massage, and a stimulating conversatiion...

I guess, that's the human nature:
You never know how good something you got is until you loose it!!!

The reality is so many come on these sites and say one thing and then when you meet them they are someone else! I'm not being cynical i am just being honest! I have met a lot and most are complete frauds!

Try dating in the real world, no one lies in the real world.

Oh my don't I agree with this comment, lol. Why is it so hard? Do you think it has anything to do with as you mentioned, temporary insanity? Afraid to risk? I was just asked if I thought I found myself acceptin less than I used to or do I want more there by making if mor difficult to take that chance... Fro me, I find myself so lonely that it takes but a kind word, for me to strike up a conversation. smiles) Know what I mean?

hugzzz Lex, Happy New year!
I don't agree with you at all concerning people vocing what the THNK other want to hear. I ask you...? WHAT are you looking for in a mate Before you gave up looking)...? Seriously, Lex? What qualities would you want in a partner... wouldn't they be somewhat understanding? Perhaps honest? Maybe respectful? These are thngs that (only two things yet important ones to me, no doubt), that I would seek. So please... pretend, and just throw out four things that you yourself would desire. And please, don't think I am n anyway trying to chase you. You are far too young, I am just curious, if you would..

Four things?

OK....

1.) Intelligence. I've been involved with a lot of really cute, but really vapid, airheads in my life. Bad choices, or a simple matter of convenience at the moment. One thing I learned (especially from being married) is that I don't have the patience or the attention span to teach adults how to read. The best relationship I've been in (albeit I was being misled the whole time, and allowed it to happen) was with a girl who is quite a bit more intelligent than I am.. THAT was alluring.

2.) Creativity. As a writer, I'm more or less constantly involved in one creative pursuit or another. I seem to get along better with people who understand that, people who share the tendency to create -- musicians, artists, other writers, whatever. I'm not saying my S.O. would have to be an artist of some kind -- although it probably wouldn't hurt -- just that she would have to be able to understand and live with the creative processes that drive me.

3.) Sense of humor. I find it ties in with intelligence much of the time; although I have known some really smart, really humorless, people. My sense of humor runs to the cynical-absurdist variety, and it might be difficult to have to explain every supposed-to-be-funny comment to someone who simply doesn't get it.

4.) Commitment. Three-month entanglements were fine when I was 20. At this point, I'd prefer something more stable and long-term. The issue, till now, has always been my partners' almost inevitable agenda trying to turn me into someone I can never be -- and being wholly deceptive about it from Day One.

5.) (OK, I know you said four, but this ties into a couple of the ones mentioned above.) Non-traditionality -- I'm not planning to have kids -- in fact, I flat out refuse to reproduce -- so I would need to be with someone who shared this mindset. I'm not looking for a traditional TV sitcom relationship. It isn't something I have any interest in, or aptitude for. In my experience, it seems that the more creative, more intellectual types are more amenable to a non-traditional existence, although this is a decidedly subjective (and extremely limited-sampling-sized) observation.