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Drew I got an email from a guy a week or so ago and we had been emailing back and forth.. His email said something like "ok cool".. To me there was nothing to respond to that so I read it and deleted it... I got an email not 5 min later the subject was "that sucks" and the body was "you deleted my email"... My response to him was that there really wasn't a response to "ok cool".... What got me was that it seemed like he was just watching for when I read and responded... a little weird..
I'm sure your email wasn't "ok cool" but we all get emails that we don't have a response or know how to respond... just thoughts of the other side maybe... |
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Ok, maybe you're right. After talking to a guy some I realized he just doesn't interest me. So, I told him just now & he replied K-( Now, his feelers are hurt & I'm blaming you!!
 But, seriously telling someone too fast that your not interested isn't good either. I kept ignoring this one guy at another board & finally he said something that really caught my attention. We've been talking almost 2 months now.
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Edited by
74Drew
on
Fri 03/19/10 10:56 PM
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Drew I got an email from a guy a week or so ago and we had been emailing back and forth.. His email said something like "ok cool".. To me there was nothing to respond to that so I read it and deleted it... I got an email not 5 min later the subject was "that sucks" and the body was "you deleted my email"... My response to him was that there really wasn't a response to "ok cool".... What got me was that it seemed like he was just watching for when I read and responded... a little weird.. I'm sure your email wasn't "ok cool" but we all get emails that we don't have a response or know how to respond... just thoughts of the other side maybe... i actually asked specific questions. and nothing personal. . . . |
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good point Tessa.... I hate hurting feelers... Makes me feel bad...
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Drew I got an email from a guy a week or so ago and we had been emailing back and forth.. His email said something like "ok cool".. To me there was nothing to respond to that so I read it and deleted it... I got an email not 5 min later the subject was "that sucks" and the body was "you deleted my email"... My response to him was that there really wasn't a response to "ok cool".... What got me was that it seemed like he was just watching for when I read and responded... a little weird.. I'm sure your email wasn't "ok cool" but we all get emails that we don't have a response or know how to respond... just thoughts of the other side maybe... Yes those are very odd. And I wouldn't respond either. I'd be tempted to with something very rude and pithy, but I'd hold my tongue. 
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Edited by
Monier
on
Fri 03/19/10 11:01 PM
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It's not about being the accepted way, it's more of the merciful, obvious way to let somebody know you're not interested. I can't remember how much it's happened to me and that's the smart way because I'm not about to sit somewhere and take the reasons why somebody does'nt like me. Screw that, deep down you know you don't want to hear it either. Having big character expectations and holding people on the internet to some imaginery standard is niave. Sure we can call them names etc to make ourselves feel better, but I guess then we would technically be wasting our own time instead of theirs. Hey, when you really like somebody and have your hopes up and all, then they just fade away, it's time to just get over it and move on. |
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how about some role reversal.
would you rather hear "not interested" or "....................."? i don't think anyone prefers being ignored over being told the truth. . . . |
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Drew I got an email from a guy a week or so ago and we had been emailing back and forth.. His email said something like "ok cool".. To me there was nothing to respond to that so I read it and deleted it... I got an email not 5 min later the subject was "that sucks" and the body was "you deleted my email"... My response to him was that there really wasn't a response to "ok cool".... What got me was that it seemed like he was just watching for when I read and responded... a little weird.. I'm sure your email wasn't "ok cool" but we all get emails that we don't have a response or know how to respond... just thoughts of the other side maybe... Yes those are very odd. And I wouldn't respond either. I'd be tempted to with something very rude and pithy, but I'd hold my tongue. I hear ya Cats... I hold my tongue allllllllll the time...  Drew I have to go with Monier on this one.. Deep down we don't really want to hear what it is about us that someone doesn't like, it doesn't feel good... |
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It's not about being the accepted way, it's more of the merciful, obvious way to let somebody know you're not interested. I can't remember how much it's happened to me and that's the smart way because I'm not about to sit somewhere and take the reasons why somebody does'nt like me. Screw that, deep down you know you don't want to hear it either. Having big character expectations and holding people on the internet to some imaginery standard is niave. Sure we can call them names etc to make ourselves feel better, but I guess than we would technically be wasting our own time instead of theirs. Hey, when you really like somebody and have your hopes up and all, then they just fade away, it's time to just get over it and move on. i get it, but just because we're doing this electronically and not face to face doesn't mean we should throw out accepted social convention and be inhumanly cold to one another. ****, lie to me. tell me you have to wash your hair. i'm a living breathing person. i deserve something more than the electronic equivalent of a turned back. . . . |
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how about some role reversal. would you rather hear "not interested" or "....................."? i don't think anyone prefers being ignored over being told the truth. . . . Take a look at your profile & you'll see why they run away!! That's some scary ----!!! I'd run too!!!!
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Ok I'm going to try an experiment... I'm going to tell those I'm not interested in that I'm not interested... How should I say it that they "shouldn't" be offended?
I know I'm going to get nasty responses but I'm going to do this just for you Drew... You can pay me back by taking my car for an oil change... 
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how about some role reversal. would you rather hear "not interested" or "....................."? i don't think anyone prefers being ignored over being told the truth. . . . There's the common decency argument which Drew is saying, but, then there's Monier's very good point as well. You say you're not interested, which quickly follows with "why," and then "what did I do," etc. blah blah. There's got to be some kind of middle ground though. |
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Drew I got an email from a guy a week or so ago and we had been emailing back and forth.. His email said something like "ok cool".. To me there was nothing to respond to that so I read it and deleted it... I got an email not 5 min later the subject was "that sucks" and the body was "you deleted my email"... My response to him was that there really wasn't a response to "ok cool".... What got me was that it seemed like he was just watching for when I read and responded... a little weird.. I'm sure your email wasn't "ok cool" but we all get emails that we don't have a response or know how to respond... just thoughts of the other side maybe... Yes those are very odd. And I wouldn't respond either. I'd be tempted to with something very rude and pithy, but I'd hold my tongue. I hear ya Cats... I hold my tongue allllllllll the time... Drew I have to go with Monier on this one.. Deep down we don't really want to hear what it is about us that someone doesn't like, it doesn't feel good... i'm not looking for reasons why they're not interested. i'm sure the women i've told "no thanks" to don't want to hear that i didn't find them attractive enough to consider getting to know them (yes, i can be that shallow. i'm looking for a lifetime mate, not more friends). just some courtesy would be nice. . . . |
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Ok I'm going to try an experiment... I'm going to tell those I'm not interested in that I'm not interested... How should I say it that they "shouldn't" be offended? I know I'm going to get nasty responses but I'm going to do this just for you Drew... You can pay me back by taking my car for an oil change... Ok, Drew I'll do the same. 
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Ok I'm going to try an experiment... I'm going to tell those I'm not interested in that I'm not interested... How should I say it that they "shouldn't" be offended? I know I'm going to get nasty responses but I'm going to do this just for you Drew... You can pay me back by taking my car for an oil change... "sorry, i don't feel we're a good match." should be good enough. anybody who asks for more of an explanation is IMO a bit needy. of course, if you never tell people what's wrong with them, how can you expect them to ever figure it out? . . . |
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how about some role reversal. would you rather hear "not interested" or "....................."? i don't think anyone prefers being ignored over being told the truth. . . . There's the common decency argument which Drew is saying, but, then there's Monier's very good point as well. You say you're not interested, which quickly follows with "why," and then "what did I do," etc. blah blah. There's got to be some kind of middle ground though. OMG the "why's"... I went out with a guy around 3 times and decided we were 2 different people and it wasn't going to go anywhere... I was honest and explained to him that exactly that.. I thought it sounded nice and not mean.... He asked "why", I kept saying I don't really think we need to go into the "why's" just leave it at I'm sure we're not compatible... He wouldn't let it go... Said he wouldn't be mad.. Wow!!! I should have never believed that.. I told him why which I didn't say in a mean way... Well, I was called an F'n B*tch over and over, his friends emailed me, he stalked me... I finally had to block him in every way possible... sometimes honest doesn't work out well... I've learned avoidance.... |
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If they've had bad experiences before, it does tend to skew things that way. But dropping the ball can be just as hurtful or worse than saying I don't think it's working for us. Nasty or mean e-mails - definitely not cool. Then those clowns should be ignored. I understand what you're saying though, Princess. It is what it is.... Unfortunately, I said no ,to 2 chats....I'm to busy eating junk food, and chatting here....I can't explain to everyone.... sometimes ya just have to pick.....or pick not,,,,lmao Mostly ,be real...I preferr that... Why would anyone weep over someone who doesn't want them anyway???????       
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Edited by
Monier
on
Fri 03/19/10 11:11 PM
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Ok I'm going to try an experiment... I'm going to tell those I'm not interested in that I'm not interested... How should I say it that they "shouldn't" be offended? I know I'm going to get nasty responses but I'm going to do this just for you Drew... You can pay me back by taking my car for an oil change... Well since many men view a women being nice to them as 'I want to sleep with you', you may just be creating stalkers by telling them nicely that you are not interested. Of course, there is always going to be some poor guy who will get all butthurt just because you did'nt pick him in all his wonderfulness :P |
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Ok I'm going to try an experiment... I'm going to tell those I'm not interested in that I'm not interested... How should I say it that they "shouldn't" be offended? I know I'm going to get nasty responses but I'm going to do this just for you Drew... You can pay me back by taking my car for an oil change... Well since many men view a women being nice to them as 'I want to sleep with you', you may just be creating stalkers by telling them nicely that you are not interested. Of course, their is always going to be some poor guy who will get all butthurt just because you did'nt pick him in all his wonderfulness :P There are more than one in every bunch... I know what you mean about them thinking you want them if you're nice but I'd rather be nice than labeled a b*tch, I get enough of that in business 
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OMG the "why's"... I went out with a guy around 3 times and decided we were 2 different people and it wasn't going to go anywhere... I was honest and explained to him that exactly that.. I thought it sounded nice and not mean.... He asked "why", I kept saying I don't really think we need to go into the "why's" just leave it at I'm sure we're not compatible... He wouldn't let it go... Said he wouldn't be mad.. Wow!!! I should have never believed that.. I told him why which I didn't say in a mean way... Well, I was called an F'n B*tch over and over, his friends emailed me, he stalked me... I finally had to block him in every way possible... sometimes honest doesn't work out well... I've learned avoidance.... that's what we call an insecure azzhole. there are lots of those out there. i don't need to know why. i just assume it was something i said/didn't say or did/didn't do. . . . |
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