Could always try the old fasioned method and ask him.

It's been 25 years since I've dated, and I told myself I wasn't going to play any games. No BS. HOwever, I'm in a similar situation (not exactly the same), and what I'm realizing is that sometimes you have to manipulate men because they just can't figure it out. They don't have to be mind readers, and I would call them dumb, but some of them have good jobs and seem smart the rest of the time. They're just socially challenged, I guess. I say it, I write it, I use sign language, I paint a picture of it, but they don't get it. So, what's left but to ignore them for a few days? It's like tough love. I find it a very unpleasant thing to do.

In the past few years women have been told that if he doesn't call he is not "that in to you", if he doesn't write he is "not that in to you", if he doesn't keep his promise to meet with you at a certian time or keeps canceling dates, he is "not that in to you". We as women have made statements to make excuses for this behavior. Such as..."He works hard, hes shy, if he doesn't like me he will tell me." Those could be the reasons, but more likely not. So we are still searching for a way to find out if he is in to us. Via direct questioning or by way of playing a game. And this goes for both sexes. So what are are most folks to do when this type of behavior happens? I have said it before and I will say it again...BE HONEST. I am an advocate for asking the question and being prepared for the worst answer and hoping for the best answer. Sure you might scare him off, you might find out that he isnt in to you or you might really find out that he is shy and looks forward to your chats. You will never know for sure unless you ask. Good luck

Totally AGREE. You've removed the chance for him to do the pursuing by always initiating. It's a known fact the male species DO like the hunt. Just sayin' ..

I've never ever known a guy who is REALLY interested in me to NOT take the initiative. They put on their bigboy pants and man up when it's required of them.

If what Fifi says is true .. that they are socially challenged then it is because we've made them that way. We've taken all the chase out of it. They never used to have any trouble contacting a woman if they were interested.

Yup and totally agree Fade and Fifi

In my experience, men like to be hit on. It makes them feel good. But as soon as you start pursing him too hard, he retreats.

Be busy and only mildly interested, if they want you, they will come after you.

Games, games, games is all they play! How can you not play?

why don't you just ask him, "Why do I always have to initiate the conversation"...

*sigh*

$.02

My momma always told me the quickest way to find out is to ask! Don't grill him or be rude about it but just ask him...

Maybe something like...I really enjoy talking with you but feel as if I am the only one initiating our conversations? I just want to make sure that this is not one sided and you are definitely interested in continuing?

I dunno...in my experience, a man would not continue to put forth the effort it takes to continue conversing with you via e-mail into the wee hours of the night if he was not interested? I understand that the first couple of e-mails he may be too nice to "blow you off" but if it has been going on for a while...I doubt it's just because he is "too nice" to tell you he's not interested?

My two cents!

Ok guys...so I thought I would post an update. I actually ended up not messaging him this weekend not because I was testing him but because I actually just had a busy weekend. When I did message him after a few days I asked how he was doing and the first thing he said was that he was sad and lonely because I disappeared on him and how we hadn't talked in days, etc. ?!?!? Then I mentioned that he could always message me if he wanted to say hello and his response was that he thought he might annoy me and that I am generally busier than he is...which is true (but still!). Sure enough we ended up talking having a great time talking for about 4 hours. I do get the impression that this is just a bit of a shy, possibly insecure guy but I do think he is a good guy so I am just going to be happy with that for now. Gosh I feel like a highschooler...lol. But it's all good.

Oh and to all the people that suggested I just ask him...well that would just be too logical, simple and easy now wouldn't it? lol!

You want him to initate contact? Don't initate the contact then. If he is really interested he will contact you out of the blue. If not, well then he is not really interested. Pretty simple. He has been talking to you long enough it seems to where he would not be shy to talk to you. But why should he even put forth the effort to initate contact, if you always do? Oddly enough, the less you initiate contact with him, the more interested he will become, even if he wasn't really interested in the first place. Even if it was just to get his ego stroked or whatever. I mean you feel good when a guy writes you all the time, even tho you may not be particularly attracted to the person, right?
I don't think asking them will do anything. People come up with the dumbest excuse for their actions. I mean what is he going to say:" Yea, I was talking to a bunch of other girls and kinda forgot about you?" No guy in his right mind will say that. More than likely the excuse you will get is a fake one, such as that he has not read his mail in a while, or has not logged on in a while...etc.
So just play the laid back, leave him hanging for a bit route. That always seems to work with me. The last thing you want is to send him a message and he just doesn't respond, cuz that sucks. What do you do then? If he initates the e-mails, well then the ball is in your court, always...lol.
As primitive as it may seem....Men still like to hunt....

Still you're the one that initated the contact again. The guy has to man up. I have talked for hours to peopke I was not in the slightest interested in or attracted to. Did i ever initate the contact? No never. Only the guys I was interested in. Just don't get too attached.. I mean if you talk for 4 hrs everytime you talk, that guy IS NOT SHY! just saying...lol

Good luck!

Ok ok ok, maybe I am in just a smidgen of denial...lol. Especially after this last conversation and mentioning to him that he could message me when he wants to talk there should not be any excuses. I suppose I will back off and put the ball in his court. Thanks for the reality check folks! lol

...Now if I could just follow my own advice...ha ha

IF,,someone REALLY CARES about YOU,,,,THEY will always follow up and make sure YOUR ok,,and that YOUR not up-set with them or hurt or sick.....I DO,, anyway...

Many people can burn the other one out by calling to much,,,but THEN THATS NOT A GOOD THING,,,wink,
because IF YOU REALLY FEEL THEM CLOSE,,,,YOU can NEVER talk enough with them AT FIRST!!

lol...it's funny...I'd prbably give someone else the same advice everyone is giving me.

All very good points...thanks for the reminder!

Well the bottom line is .. people try hardest when dating. They put their best forward to impress. Now, if you are fine with doing all the initiating in a relationship .. so be it.

BUT .. know this. If he isn't TRYING to contact you NOW .. guarantee my Beamer on the fact that this is as GOOD as it gets. You will be doing all the "work to communicate" in the future.

Just aayin ......

You know. It's always the same old same old. Chicks want to be pursued, and they get all anal if they aren't. Guys want to be pursued, and if we do nothing, we are called wussies. "Sigh".

Yeah, the dude has no sac because he gave you the line of "I didn't want to annoy you". Oh smack Zeus on his lightning bolt azz. Really? Is he that "concerned" that you might want space, even though he probably has no freaking clue how much space you do require or even if you need it? And, excuse me, but when you first talk to someone, don't you just (I mean if you like the person) make an attempt to talk to them every day? Yeah, not like trying to text you 1000 times in a day, but at lease make some form of contact on a daily basis.

No, let's focus on you OP. Obviously, you want to be chased, and I get that. Feels good to be the object that someone desires. However, what many females seem to forget is that you asked......ASKED...for us to stop being so aggressive. Sorry, but when the voice of women says it, and we respond by doing it, don't hate us because we did what you asked. I mean, us dudes have been asking for all women to swallow, but do we get that? Noooooooooooo!

And, while we are discussing who should make the first move, how about we initiate the coin toss rule. Whomever wins the toss wins the right to choose who makes the first advance. Would save alot of time and agony over this whole issue of first contact, and we can even certify referees (non judgmental ones of course) to do the coin toss (witness will be required too, both his and your friends will not do).

Anyways.......Goof out!

Ok, so last night I though I would back off and he messaged me first. So I think only time will tell whether or not he is indeed interested. Also, I should have said that I felt like I had to do most of the initiating, not all of it. Either way, I will continue to back down just to give him more chances to contact me to see how that goes. Not trying to play games, just trying to level the playing field. I know I am making all of this more complicated than it really is! Lol

and the saga continues... Lol