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| Topic: Feminism | |
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Is this the fundamental reason why some men like to chase and women enjoy playing hard to get in return? Seems to be a lot of the reason a man feels he has to work hard to get "the prize." Whatever happened to passion in relationships anymore? Has this drained out because women stopped being "women" or rather "self sufficient" and can make their own decisions, their own money, have a choice in a guy? I was thinking this could explain a lot of what is really going with broken relationships lately. Today's woman is very different from what she was in the 20s on to about the late 60s. Seems like it could be a factor in the demise in a lot of relationships. Guys, are you bothered by a feminist? This is a slippery eel. if men have a harder time to get access at women, BECAUSE women are independent, then men are proven that their strength and power of attraction has always lain in their superior earning power. Which means that women never actually needed men, other than to be supported by. Which means that romance and passion has never been a major driving force in women's lives for passion and romance... it was a tool to get to a better life. Which means that romance and passion were simply wool over the eyes of men and of society, as they viewed man-woman relationships. Which means that that if romance and passion happens these days, they happen because the two parties involved in it truly feel that way; the prolific occurrance of romance and passion in the 1920 to 1970 were a phalanx, a front, an insencere act of behaviour. In conclusion, romance and passion are not being reduced, neither in importance nor in frequency, but they are becoming themselves, for what they are, they are coming of age, of an age and maturity in their roles in history when their importance is their own virtue, and not merely a valuable commodity for trade. |
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wux...You brought up some good points in your post...We do live in a different era today...A lot of people have to go back to school or go through some type of retraining to get a decent paying job today...The jobs of the past have been shipped overseas or "lost" due to mergers and downsizing etc...We've been going through all kinds of changes in society. And relationships are no different...The old models have become obsolete. Everything is in a state of "flux" and transition right now whether we like it or not!
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I don't have much to say on this issue because honestly I feel it's pretty cut and dry....I love most of the answers and think they are dead on especially Navy girl and Leigh......feminisim and independence are two different issues BUT ultimately the majority of men that we women meet out there are intimidated by both....
I am strong, independent, confident and capable.....I was raised that way and then some of life's experiences have made all traits stronger as I got older....that being said....I have a soft, feminine, kind, gentle , loving, playful side to me...I still want a man to hold me and at times I need his shoulder to cry on...I intimidate most men I meet....they don't always take the time to even see the soft side and others see it right through the strenghth...Nice...when that happens....real men...all the way around..confident in themselves...so they are out there...not many have crossed my path ...sadly.... one of the men here told me my profile would scare men off...I asked him why ...got no answer....so I read it again...I see nothing in it that would scare a child off....but if anyone wants to comment on what would scare a man off ...I will be all ears..... Nice conversation... |
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one of the men here told me my profile would scare men off...I asked him why ...got no answer....so I read it again...I see nothing in it that would scare a child off....but if anyone wants to comment on what would scare a man off ...I will be all ears..... I don't usually comment on profiles but it may have something to do with your "interests" A good Woman bowler has always terrified me!    |
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shareahug...Thanks for your great post! I don't think your profile is scary or intimidating at all!..My (late) husband and I viewed life as a series of "adventures" and it was nice! So I can relate to writing more chapters in your book!...I think some men have deep-seated fears when it comes to being criticized or what they might consider "being corrected."...Men like this probably have a lot of "old baggage" and unresolved issues with their mothers..When they run into women who seem "strong" like their mothers may have been they panic!..Or they may become hyper-sensitive and "read" things into what we say or do that we didn't really "mean." Don't you think?...Basically they fear being criticized in any way or controlled by a woman (again!)...These men won't become good "husband material" until (and unless) they take some time out to "heal" their old issues with their mothers from "way back when."...My older son went through some of this. He was affected the most when my first husband and I got divorced. But later in life we "made peace."
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Edited by
GreenEyes48
on
Sat 11/03/12 07:39 AM
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Is this the fundamental reason why some men like to chase and women enjoy playing hard to get in return? Seems to be a lot of the reason a man feels he has to work hard to get "the prize." Whatever happened to passion in relationships anymore? Has this drained out because women stopped being "women" or rather "self sufficient" and can make their own decisions, their own money, have a choice in a guy? I was thinking this could explain a lot of what is really going with broken relationships lately. Today's woman is very different from what she was in the 20s on to about the late 60s. Seems like it could be a factor in the demise in a lot of relationships. Guys, are you bothered by a feminist? depends on the level of feminism. if she's a member of the man haters club,that's a no go.she's probably lesbian anyways if she can do most things by herself but does ask for help every once in awhile,that's fine with me.lets me know i am needed that's just the way i see it  |
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Edited by
shareahug
on
Sat 11/03/12 08:41 AM
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Oh Green Eyes ..how right you are....out of all the men I have met face to face in the past 8 months..nothing has gone beyond a second date.... ...Yes I do agree...with all you've said...I found most of these men talk about leaving all baggage, drama and old issues behind...but they are the ones who have it all...they put words in your mouth...I just sit dumbfounded sometimes....LOL....at the stupidity in what other hear being so different from what you've said......but I think I've learned alot here...I appreciate all of you who have the maturity and compassion to be able to read a profile and see it all clearly and not look for hidden messages..because I don't have any..I don't have an agenda with men either.....thanks all..
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Edited by
wux
on
Sat 11/03/12 09:25 AM
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wux... Everything is in a state of "flux" and transition right now whether we like it or not! That's where my username comes from. Everything is in a state of flux, wux, and every opinion is a slippery eel. Slippery like wax, wux. |
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Edited by
MariahsFantasy
on
Sat 11/03/12 12:44 PM
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Audrey, it is your posts. Do you want a real mans opinion? Your an amazing young lady. Yes you are great on the eyes, but I am talking about the clear talents you have, the desires you allow us to see and the heart that comes through in your posts. You are genuine to your friends. I can tell. And most certainly a draw to be around. Are you worth the chase? Absolutely. Are you catchable? Not sure. How would the right man know? The bad boy knows how to draw your attention and try and trap you, thats different. And I am pretty certain you have experience this. I am talking about Mr right seeing you in starbucks and saying, "I want to get to know this gal". Are you catchable? Are you available for a permanent relationship? Do you know what you are willing to offer to that relationship? He is going to make great sacrifices. Are you willing to give the sacrifices that come with being in a committed relationship? Can he see that he can trust you and that you are going to stay when things get tough? Cause they are going to get tough. A real man is going to be looking for those signs. not your words or the flip of your hair but he is the one looking deep in your eyes to see the real you. Real men are attracted to you physically but are not going to chase you to have a piece of it. Thats what bad boys do. They will chase you for your character. And appreciate you physically too. Even years later when that fades away. When we find that girl who wants that kind of relationship, A real man is there to stay. thats the real chase. Very few seem to be into the real chase anymore. But there are still plenty. But you have to be offering the real bait for a real man. There's a lot of me I don't show on here. But it is nice when people say those things based on what I post here. Because it really is all me. Well thanks. I enjoy being worth it because that's what I believe I deserve. Am I catchable? That depends on who cares to get to know me. The bad boy is what most people will get in life. I refuse to accept it. I have some experience in this because they think they are so good at hiding it. I think there's some value in learning who people really are. An azzhole vs. the real deal. It helps. That's funny because some of the most unemotional men troll a Starbucks and sit amoungst me. Such an attractive quality too. Are they thinking these things? I don't know. Sometimes all I hear in the air are big hot-shot movie scripts and stock options invested with life savings. But I feel most are probably scared I will reject them for a multitude of reasons they make up in their head. Anybody who knows me, really knows they won't even have to question my standing in a relationship. I am truly the most honest, to the point person there is when it comes to hard work in a relationship. The real question is, who is brave enough to actually work with me? Men in today's world will chase a piece because its just easier. Everybody knows physical beauty fades and inner beauty is the only thing that survives. Its like a myth to some people but its there. And its worth it to be around. Not everyone has this and most men will take advantage of it. There's me, a steadfast woman who knows what she wants, which can send some men off like the road runner in the other direction. I don't know what the real bait is. I have become secure in myself as well as what works for me. All I can offer to a man for right now is a foundational friendship. I can't pray for true love when I know the very thought of falling in love or even liking someone will scare a man into submission or rather their own personal oblivion. Point me a real man who does the "real chase" and I will locate a unicorn for all to see. For now, there's a Big Bang Theory rerun on with my name all over it. 
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Audrey, it is your posts. Do you want a real mans opinion? Your an amazing young lady. Yes you are great on the eyes, but I am talking about the clear talents you have, the desires you allow us to see and the heart that comes through in your posts. You are genuine to your friends. I can tell. And most certainly a draw to be around. Are you worth the chase? Absolutely. Are you catchable? Not sure. How would the right man know? The bad boy knows how to draw your attention and try and trap you, thats different. And I am pretty certain you have experience this. I am talking about Mr right seeing you in starbucks and saying, "I want to get to know this gal". Are you catchable? Are you available for a permanent relationship? Do you know what you are willing to offer to that relationship? He is going to make great sacrifices. Are you willing to give the sacrifices that come with being in a committed relationship? Can he see that he can trust you and that you are going to stay when things get tough? Cause they are going to get tough. A real man is going to be looking for those signs. not your words or the flip of your hair but he is the one looking deep in your eyes to see the real you. Real men are attracted to you physically but are not going to chase you to have a piece of it. Thats what bad boys do. They will chase you for your character. And appreciate you physically too. Even years later when that fades away. When we find that girl who wants that kind of relationship, A real man is there to stay. thats the real chase. Very few seem to be into the real chase anymore. But there are still plenty. But you have to be offering the real bait for a real man. There's a lot of me I don't show on here. But it is nice when people say those things based on what I post here. Because it really is all me. Well thanks. I enjoy being worth it because that's what I believe I deserve. Am I catchable? That depends on who cares to get to know me. The bad boy is what most people will get in life. I refuse to accept it. I have some experience in this because they think they are so good at hiding it. I think there's some value in learning who people really are. An azzhole vs. the real deal. It helps. That's funny because some of the most unemotional men troll a Starbucks and sit amoungst me. Such an attractive quality too. Are they thinking these things? I don't know. All I sometimes hear in the air are movie scripts and big stock options invested with life savings. But I feel most are probably scared I will reject them for a multitude of reasons they make up in their head. Anybody who knows me, really knows they won't even have to question my standing in a relationship. I am truly the most honest, to the point person there is when it comes to hard work in a relationship. The real question is, who is brave enough to actually work with me? Men in today's world will chase a piece because its just easier. Everybody knows physical beauty fades and inner beauty is the only thing that survives. Its like a myth to some people but its there. And its worth it to be around. Not everyone has this and most men will take advantage of it. So you me, a steadfast woman who knows what she wants, which can send some men in the other direction. I don't know what the real bait is. I have become secure in myself as well as what works for me. All I can offer to a man for right now is a foundational friendship. I can't pray for true love when I know the very thought of falling in love or even liking someone will scare a man into submission or rather their own personal oblivion. Point me a real man who does the "real chase" and I will locate a unicorn for all to see. For now, there's a Big Bang Theory rerun on with my name all over it. Everybody likes an intelligent independent caring person who is attractive and open and fun. It's a slam dunk. 
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Audrey, it is your posts. Do you want a real mans opinion? Your an amazing young lady. Yes you are great on the eyes, but I am talking about the clear talents you have, the desires you allow us to see and the heart that comes through in your posts. You are genuine to your friends. I can tell. And most certainly a draw to be around. Are you worth the chase? Absolutely. Are you catchable? Not sure. How would the right man know? The bad boy knows how to draw your attention and try and trap you, thats different. And I am pretty certain you have experience this. I am talking about Mr right seeing you in starbucks and saying, "I want to get to know this gal". Are you catchable? Are you available for a permanent relationship? Do you know what you are willing to offer to that relationship? He is going to make great sacrifices. Are you willing to give the sacrifices that come with being in a committed relationship? Can he see that he can trust you and that you are going to stay when things get tough? Cause they are going to get tough. A real man is going to be looking for those signs. not your words or the flip of your hair but he is the one looking deep in your eyes to see the real you. Real men are attracted to you physically but are not going to chase you to have a piece of it. Thats what bad boys do. They will chase you for your character. And appreciate you physically too. Even years later when that fades away. When we find that girl who wants that kind of relationship, A real man is there to stay. thats the real chase. Very few seem to be into the real chase anymore. But there are still plenty. But you have to be offering the real bait for a real man. There's a lot of me I don't show on here. But it is nice when people say those things based on what I post here. Because it really is all me. Well thanks. I enjoy being worth it because that's what I believe I deserve. Am I catchable? That depends on who cares to get to know me. The bad boy is what most people will get in life. I refuse to accept it. I have some experience in this because they think they are so good at hiding it. I think there's some value in learning who people really are. An azzhole vs. the real deal. It helps. That's funny because some of the most unemotional men troll a Starbucks and sit amoungst me. Such an attractive quality too. Are they thinking these things? I don't know. Sometimes all I hear in the air are big hot-shot movie scripts and stock options invested with life savings. But I feel most are probably scared I will reject them for a multitude of reasons they make up in their head. Anybody who knows me, really knows they won't even have to question my standing in a relationship. I am truly the most honest, to the point person there is when it comes to hard work in a relationship. The real question is, who is brave enough to actually work with me? Men in today's world will chase a piece because its just easier. Everybody knows physical beauty fades and inner beauty is the only thing that survives. Its like a myth to some people but its there. And its worth it to be around. Not everyone has this and most men will take advantage of it. There's me, a steadfast woman who knows what she wants, which can send some men off like the road runner in the other direction. I don't know what the real bait is. I have become secure in myself as well as what works for me. All I can offer to a man for right now is a foundational friendship. I can't pray for true love when I know the very thought of falling in love or even liking someone will scare a man into submission or rather their own personal oblivion. Point me a real man who does the "real chase" and I will locate a unicorn for all to see. For now, there's a Big Bang Theory rerun on with my name all over it. Knock Knock Audrey Knock Knock Audrey Knock Knock Audrey Ah but you do show more about yourself than your words. For those who are looking. It shows in your eyes and your smile and what is behind your words. And you are right. Most men are not what your looking for but not all are bad boys. Some have just given up. And offering the real bate? You already said it and you already do. Real beauty is inside not out. Real men see the inside. I feel for ladies who work so hard on the outside and neglect the inside. (Or are insecure because they don't like there outsides). There is no way they will ever get anything but the guy looking for a piece of the outside. And those guys know those ladies will give it up because the gals think thats the bate. But a woman working on making the inside beautiful is magnetic to a real guy. He wants the whole package. The real guy wont fear your view of deep love and commitment. The ones running when they hear this are the ones looking just a piece and deciding the price it too high. MAKE THEM RUN. I am fully confident in telling you that you are attractive to me. Because of the character traits that you show behind your words, the eyes and the smile. So keep building the character traits and values you want for your life and let it be known your a person who wants a long term committed relationship. If you want to fish in the pond with the guys were are left who want that. You will attract them not make them run. After they order their starbucks. 'Bazinga!' Ha |
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Oh Green Eyes ..how right you are....out of all the men I have met face to face in the past 8 months..nothing has gone beyond a second date.... ...Yes I do agree...with all you've said...I found most of these men talk about leaving all baggage, drama and old issues behind...but they are the ones who have it all...they put words in your mouth...I just sit dumbfounded sometimes....LOL....at the stupidity in what other hear being so different from what you've said......but I think I've learned alot here...I appreciate all of you who have the maturity and compassion to be able to read a profile and see it all clearly and not look for hidden messages..because I don't have any..I don't have an agenda with men either.....thanks all.. What are you really trying to say? 
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I am reading through this thread and I have to cringe from some of the things I see.
My definition of feminism is so not beat ANYONE over the head or under the bus. IMHO a real feminist is the woman her Mother & Father would be proud of. Because she is and Adult Woman with equal gifts she brings to the relationship and is neither a victim or a bully but actually Respects her chosen mate as a REAL person as hopefully they have imparted on her all men are. Men are not the enemy of true feminists. They are our PEERS and want us to have choices, parity, loyalty, equality, support when we need it and someone for them to lean on when they do. True feminism is about BALANCE and melding together not competeing or pushing anyone any direction. It is about trusting a mate to be a real partner. A partner that actually enjoys her sexuality rather than denies or uses it like a prostitutes prize. It is not about dominance or submission, needs or demands, dictateing or begging. And it sure is not dishing out assignments of how life is GOING to be. A feminist gets you deal with REALITY not some scripted plan or trying to crush anyone into a molded stereotype. What really makes me soooooh crazy is thinking that being a feminist gender specific. It absolutely is NOT some Amazon type female or castrated male. Those definitions are hype and retoric to mask the real issue that feminism is for everyone. |
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wux... Everything is in a state of "flux" and transition right now whether we like it or not! That's where my username comes from. Everything is in a state of flux, wux, and every opinion is a slippery eel. Slippery like wax, wux. |
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Oh Green Eyes ..how right you are....out of all the men I have met face to face in the past 8 months..nothing has gone beyond a second date.... ...Yes I do agree...with all you've said...I found most of these men talk about leaving all baggage, drama and old issues behind...but they are the ones who have it all...they put words in your mouth...I just sit dumbfounded sometimes....LOL....at the stupidity in what other hear being so different from what you've said......but I think I've learned alot here...I appreciate all of you who have the maturity and compassion to be able to read a profile and see it all clearly and not look for hidden messages..because I don't have any..I don't have an agenda with men either.....thanks all.. |
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I am reading through this thread and I have to cringe from some of the things I see. My definition of feminism is so not beat ANYONE over the head or under the bus. IMHO a real feminist is the woman her Mother & Father would be proud of. Because she is and Adult Woman with equal gifts she brings to the relationship and is neither a victim or a bully but actually Respects her chosen mate as a REAL person as hopefully they have imparted on her all men are. Men are not the enemy of true feminists. They are our PEERS and want us to have choices, parity, loyalty, equality, support when we need it and someone for them to lean on when they do. True feminism is about BALANCE and melding together not competeing or pushing anyone any direction. It is about trusting a mate to be a real partner. A partner that actually enjoys her sexuality rather than denies or uses it like a prostitutes prize. It is not about dominance or submission, needs or demands, dictateing or begging. And it sure is not dishing out assignments of how life is GOING to be. A feminist gets you deal with REALITY not some scripted plan or trying to crush anyone into a molded stereotype. What really makes me soooooh crazy is thinking that being a feminist gender specific. It absolutely is NOT some Amazon type female or castrated male. Those definitions are hype and retoric to mask the real issue that feminism is for everyone. I was being a little funny there. But I do like what you say about your view of feminism and I can come along side you on most of those issues. Yet what you are referring to, in my opinion, is what feminism means to you. Like pretty much all things in life there are good things and bad things about the feminism movement in history that go beyond the parts you believe in. And 100 years from now, men and women will still be different, still not be equal and they will still be compatible. We are different, we are not equal and, with effort in ourselves, are compatible. You ladies are already irreplaceable, valuable beyond comprehension and wonderfully different. I am glad for our differences and envious of some things you get to experience and the inner strengths given to you. It saddens me when that isn't cherished and championed. If through science or evolution, women becomes like man, well Ill just say I am glad I wont be alive to see it. |
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Navygirl always talks about the need for respect in relationships and I agree with her...My husband and I never felt that we "owned" each other. And I didn't feel that I "owned" my sons either...We chose to stay part of each others' lives because it was "rewarding!" (Not out of debt, duty and obligation.)....My parents and my relatives operated through sort of a "pioneer model" and I adopted this model too with my own family...I'd summarize it this way: "There's work that needs to be done. Let's all pitch-in and use our unique skills and talents (and ideas) to get the work done!"...It's about teamwork and having a "team spirit!" And taking pride in the efforts of the whole team! (And group or family!)
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Good post.
We all seem to need to feel loved and respected. But in my healing process, I learned even when I am loved or not or respected or not wasn't the goal. The goal was for me to be lovable and respectable and not worry if others get it right. when I got to the point that my lovably and respectability was no longer defined by others, I was free to love without conditions and show others respect even when they may not deserve it. I am still working on these things. But how nice it is to be on this roan in my life now. |
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Good post. We all seem to need to feel loved and respected. But in my healing process, I learned even when I am loved or not or respected or not wasn't the goal. The goal was for me to be lovable and respectable and not worry if others get it right. when I got to the point that my lovably and respectability was no longer defined by others, I was free to love without conditions and show others respect even when they may not deserve it. I am still working on these things. But how nice it is to be on this roan in my life now. |
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