Confoocius say...
A parent is for to honor
A child is for to nurture
A patient is for to treat
A partner is for to give all of the above...balance is the key.
But only puppies are for to rescue.

If you’re familiar with me, you know there is no Confoocious.
If you’re not familiar with me...there is no Confoocious.

Expecting another person to make you ultimately happy in a relationship is I believe a sign of immaturity.
You and only you can make yourself happy and that is something I'm proud to have learned.
But is it really too much to expect equal, reciprocal caring and nurturing? I am a giver with a huge heart and I guess I just need to be smart enough to look for a person who will feed it and not drain it I guess.
....and I generally try to avoid volcanoes.

True too...
Happiness comes from within-you are your own source of happiness-others just add to it!!

And,
NO,in a healthy relationship; being cared for and nurtured is what is expected! Its not ''asking for too much''-a relationship is a two way street!!
Find some one who gives as much as receives! Well,even gives more....that cant hurt!

Ahhhhh...now see there lies the rub.
I realized something fascinating about myself when a good friend and I tried to take our relationship to 'the next step'. He was loving, giving, caring, nurturing and I was soooo unused to that in a partner that I back pedalled faster than you can believe.
It felt uncomfortable to have the roles reversed and to have someone else taking care of me.
Part of that is family history, with no father to speak of and being in foster homes at an early age. There was never anyone in my corner that I could trust, so to be asked to trust someone intimately goes against every lesson I've learned.
But at least I know the problem right? *wink*
I've figured it out, and now I'm ready to test it out with my next relationship. I'm holding out until I find the guy who's going to appreciate and nurture me and he's going to have to be pretty patient too, as I learn to let go and to trust him. Trusting someone with your heart is a very scary process.

hello!
I'm trying this online dating thing again, and would like some feedback from other ladies on how to overcome this issue.
I met a fellow about 5 years ago online, and we clicked. Sweet as he was though, he couldn't leave mummy's basement and we just could not have a mature relationship.
How do you harden your heart and stick to your guns and invest yourself in a relationship for YOUR sake, and not the other guy?
As women, we are for the most part trained to be care givers and nurturers. I grew up with a disabled brother and my career is in health care, taking care of people.
It's a natural extension of my personality to reach out to those in need and to provide care for them, be it physical, mental, or emotional. problem is that when the giving is not shared, it results in a dysfunctional relationship, and I REALLY do not want to get tangled up in that net again.
Any words of wisdom or advice?
Thank you and have a wonderful day!

Think of it like this....you either eliminate them now before anything gets started or later when it becomes a big emotional upheaval...you choose.

Oh and charity is best given with no expectations. So in a relationship there should/can be no charity.

Being charitable is great though for those who you give to and never expect them to do anything else except receive it.

But I think it's healthy to expect reciprocal treatment in a relationship. So many people say that they have no expectations and for me that is just wrong. I EXPECT a man to replenish me and to be equally loving and that is healthy.

Ahhhhh...now see there lies the rub.
I realized something fascinating about myself when a good friend and I tried to take our relationship to 'the next step'. He was loving, giving, caring, nurturing and I was soooo unused to that in a partner that I back pedalled faster than you can believe.
It felt uncomfortable to have the roles reversed and to have someone else taking care of me.
Part of that is family history, with no father to speak of and being in foster homes at an early age. There was never anyone in my corner that I could trust, so to be asked to trust someone intimately goes against every lesson I've learned.
But at least I know the problem right? *wink*
I've figured it out, and now I'm ready to test it out with my next relationship. I'm holding out until I find the guy who's going to appreciate and nurture me and he's going to have to be pretty patient too, as I learn to let go and to trust him. Trusting someone with your heart is a very scary process.

I hope you find a gentle and understanding man who has a lot of patience. My "last" husband was this way with me...When we met I was fearful and "damaged" from 2 failed marriages earlier in life and I had been on my own for a long time. (With just my kids.)...I was used to "doing" for myself and a little suspicious when people seemed too caring. (Did the caring and kindness come with "strings?")...My husband and I were "just friends" for two years and he never pushed for "more."...During our years as friends I gained trust in him...He wasn't needy and clingy. Quite the opposite...He took pride in being well-rounded and self-sufficient. And he didn't want to turn me into a needy and helpless female just to pump-up his ego...Anyway he knew my background and never got "pushy" and had the patience of a "saint!" And little by little I let down my "guard" and let him into my heart.

I hope you find a gentle and understanding man who has a lot of patience. My "last" husband was this way with me...When we met I was fearful and "damaged" from 2 failed marriages earlier in life and I had been on my own for a long time. (With just my kids.)...I was used to "doing" for myself and a little suspicious when people seemed too caring. (Did the caring and kindness come with "strings?")...My husband and I were "just friends" for two years and he never pushed for "more."...During our years as friends I gained trust in him...He wasn't needy and clingy. Quite the opposite...He took pride in being well-rounded and self-sufficient. And he didn't want to turn me into a needy and helpless female just to pump-up his ego...Anyway he knew my background and never got "pushy" and had the patience of a "saint!" And little by little I let down my "guard" and let him into my heart.

Oh my heavens you were lucky! *hugs*

But see....I used to view myself as damaged. I don't anymore. I am simply older and wiser. I like to say that yes I come with a lot of luggage, but I CHOOSE what luggage I bring with me. *smile*

How do you harden your heart and stick to your guns and invest yourself in a relationship for YOUR sake, and not the other guy?

I support this too.

I feel like in our society someone having a healthy, giving Mother Theresa-like heart is a burden or could be of a great opportunity to some people out there who aren't comfortable being affectionate and real with someone who needs it in return. It's a difficult decision to be hard and stolid when it comes to feelings. I feel like to protect yourself you have to know where your boundaries are and draw a line to people who only want to use your good nature as a scratching post.

2 cents. Over and out.

Oh my heavens you were lucky! *hugs*

But see....I used to view myself as damaged. I don't anymore. I am simply older and wiser. I like to say that yes I come with a lot of luggage, but I CHOOSE what luggage I bring with me. *smile*

I like what you wrote about choosing the "luggage" you want to bring with you...During my time alone (before I met my husband) I took some time out to try to rewrite my script with men. (And I think it helped.)..Sad! My husband died in 2010...We were happily married for nearly 25 years and together for a little over 30 years. Really miss him.

Oh My God!!!
30years together??
No wonder i've read a lot about him in your posts here(i was getting more and more curious!!)
That was a Blessing!
Hang in there G.Eyes,it will not fade,but it will get embraceable!

One of my favorite sayings is . .To Thy Own Self Be True. I am also a natural nurturer, and It took me along time to realize I had value and worth and that I didnt need to be someones door mat. I learned to OWN my Choices . . both good and bad. that gave me the power to change and become a person who still nurturers and cares but with in her boundries. :)