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| Topic: Why Are Women Afraid to Send the First Letter | |
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I'm not speaking for everywoman. I'm speaking for me. It's being rejected. If you read someone's profile and you like what you read, you type up that email and tell them a little more about yourself and he never responds.
So I do sometimes send the first letter but most of the time I will nudge or say nothing. There are 9 women to every 1 man so I have a great chance of not getting that respond then a man does. |
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Edited by
mysticalview21
on
Sun 12/14/14 08:30 AM
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I do and have ... just don't find many in my area that I would like to meet ... maybe I don't try as hard ... but not shy about sending a first letter to someone ...I might want to get to know more ... now their are a few but they are really to far away ...
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there is one woman here that likes to atack men.no matter what we say we are wrong in her eyes.who cares if we cant spell as long as people understand.im not likeing seeing her make snotty coments.so if you dont like men im sure theres a off switch on your computer.use it.... You have made 2 posts, and haven't been a member of the site very long, but you're complaining about some woman here that makes posts you don't like? Sounds like you're doing exactly what you're saying you don't like seeing her do. |
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I do send a first message .. if I'm interested I am communicating with 2 men at the mo, one of which I sent the first message to .. because he interested me :) As for the chasing.. I have it from various sources online and in books that men need to know that you're interested in them. If you don't let them know one way or another, 95% of men out there won't initiate contact. So maybe it works the same online? Sending the first message as a woman doesn't mean there's no more chasing to be done! You and a few other certainly understood what the topic of this thread is about. It is not a topic one can generalize without writing a book about, to understand the micro aspects of men and women obviously. I believe your source of info was relatively correct in men need to know a woman has interest. That is the point of this threat, shyness in both men and women. In a different thread another member mentioned relationships with people one grews up with each other lasted longer. As we age that is a very important factor it seems. How do people develop trust, understanding if peole do not start somewhere. Why are people exhibiting similar behaviour online as people would, face to face. To understand the reluctance in writing an introductory letter, but then it can be taken further to understand, why one responses and how they respond. The thread is to have the members open up about writing to a person of interest and responding (even though responding was not meantioned in the OP). I believe online dating is just as difficult as it is face to face. We have thousands of profiles to read. We send introductory letters and some will respond. Some will shy away from both sending an introductory letter, or sending a response. The forum does brake this barrier, although more times than one can count a person will not send a letter just because you viewed their profile. This thread is not about the basic profile of like or dislike. Wants or not want. If there is a small interest, why not try and develop a friendship and see if there is a greater interest beyond friendship. Sometime we communicate merely on a friendship level from the start and it wil never change. The forums do help, but mostly for Americans. The chances of two Germans, Dutch, Austrian or whatever to meet on the forums are slim at best. Then it comes to the software a dating-site offers: automatic 'smart matches', matches based on what you are looking for, and the option to actively search with the possibility to set a lot of parameters (height, ethnicity, body type, education etc etc). Many sites don't offer these search parameters, or very limited number. Don't know if this still relates to the OP, but what does help if you're searching, is trying new dating-sites on a regular basis. The trendy sites change, the one that was hip last year, is for 'losers' now or as good as 'dead', so keep up to speed with what site is 'hot' at the mo. It's a dynamic thing. Also, when you're a new member, your profile comes up on top and you get a lot of ppl looking at you and approaching you. And for you a chance to get proactive and approach ppl yourself. Sticking to the same dating-site for yonks doesn't work. You'll be on page 45,000, no one will find you anymore, unless you pay to be put on top again (sod that!). Furthermore, new dating-sites often have more or new options and gadgets that make it easier to find the type of person you're looking for. So when you're serious about finding dates or a partner, go on a new site, register, and spend a lot of time on it the first week, cos that's when you're still hot and up top. Use that time well!!, approach people you like, many of them!! If you don't use that first week, you've lost the edge of being on top and wasted one heck of an opportunity to get in touch with MANY people!! (and lots of them will disappear cos you will find out you don't really like them that much). So if you're not really ready or in the mood to be proactive, don't become a member of a new site just yet. Wait till you got the mojo and make it work for you! And yes, women should send first messages too, men are often a bit awkward or shy when they're not sure you like them. Just like us, they don't like to take the risk of being rejected. And for men, I'd like to say, if you're going to approach a woman, at least send a (decent) message, not some stupid wink or nudge or whatever. So lame.. if you don't have the baws to communicate, don't bother  I NEVER reply when someone sends me a wink, ever. Lame .. * Hopes Beach isn't gonna read here, more than 3 lines, he's gonna go mental, lol |
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I do send a first message .. if I'm interested I am communicating with 2 men at the mo, one of which I sent the first message to .. because he interested me :) As for the chasing.. I have it from various sources online and in books that men need to know that you're interested in them. If you don't let them know one way or another, 95% of men out there won't initiate contact. So maybe it works the same online? Sending the first message as a woman doesn't mean there's no more chasing to be done! You and a few other certainly understood what the topic of this thread is about. It is not a topic one can generalize without writing a book about, to understand the micro aspects of men and women obviously. I believe your source of info was relatively correct in men need to know a woman has interest. That is the point of this threat, shyness in both men and women. In a different thread another member mentioned relationships with people one grews up with each other lasted longer. As we age that is a very important factor it seems. How do people develop trust, understanding if peole do not start somewhere. Why are people exhibiting similar behaviour online as people would, face to face. To understand the reluctance in writing an introductory letter, but then it can be taken further to understand, why one responses and how they respond. The thread is to have the members open up about writing to a person of interest and responding (even though responding was not meantioned in the OP). I believe online dating is just as difficult as it is face to face. We have thousands of profiles to read. We send introductory letters and some will respond. Some will shy away from both sending an introductory letter, or sending a response. The forum does brake this barrier, although more times than one can count a person will not send a letter just because you viewed their profile. This thread is not about the basic profile of like or dislike. Wants or not want. If there is a small interest, why not try and develop a friendship and see if there is a greater interest beyond friendship. Sometime we communicate merely on a friendship level from the start and it wil never change. The forums do help, but mostly for Americans. The chances of two Germans, Dutch, Austrian or whatever to meet on the forums are slim at best. Then it comes to the software a dating-site offers: automatic 'smart matches', matches based on what you are looking for, and the option to actively search with the possibility to set a lot of parameters (height, ethnicity, body type, education etc etc). Many sites don't offer these search parameters, or very limited number. Don't know if this still relates to the OP, but what does help if you're searching, is trying new dating-sites on a regular basis. The trendy sites change, the one that was hip last year, is for 'losers' now or as good as 'dead', so keep up to speed with what site is 'hot' at the mo. It's a dynamic thing. Also, when you're a new member, your profile comes up on top and you get a lot of ppl looking at you and approaching you. And for you a chance to get proactive and approach ppl yourself. Sticking to the same dating-site for yonks doesn't work. You'll be on page 45,000, no one will find you anymore, unless you pay to be put on top again (sod that!). Furthermore, new dating-sites often have more or new options and gadgets that make it easier to find the type of person you're looking for. So when you're serious about finding dates or a partner, go on a new site, register, and spend a lot of time on it the first week, cos that's when you're still hot and up top. Use that time well!!, approach people you like, many of them!! If you don't use that first week, you've lost the edge of being on top and wasted one heck of an opportunity to get in touch with MANY people!! (and lots of them will disappear cos you will find out you don't really like them that much). So if you're not really ready or in the mood to be proactive, don't become a member of a new site just yet. Wait till you got the mojo and make it work for you! And yes, women should send first messages too, men are often a bit awkward or shy when they're not sure you like them. Just like us, they don't like to take the risk of being rejected. And for men, I'd like to say, if you're going to approach a woman, at least send a (decent) message, not some stupid wink or nudge or whatever. So lame.. if you don't have the baws to communicate, don't bother I NEVER reply when someone sends me a wink, ever. Lame .. * Hopes Beach isn't gonna read here, more than 3 lines, he's gonna go mental, lol Even you ladies when we send to you a greeting massage you are not reply'. Real that is not good.. for i can say hi.. to you as my first approch but you refusse |
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I am not being presumptuous, although wondering why women will search a man's profile, but rearly if ever send the first introductory letter to a man? Not every profile is interesting to a woman understood. |
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I am not being presumptuous, although wondering why women will search a man's profile, but rearly if ever send the first introductory letter to a man? Not every profile is interesting to a woman understood. Does that mean men should look at women with the same approach and not contact them. Being a nutjob is to each individual's like of another's personality. There is someone out there for everyone. Both men and women have reasons for being picky, that is their personal discression. A good chance that they will pass by a great potiential partner because of this pickiness. The purpose of this thread is for members to interact with each other and learn that neither need to have any discomfort in making a first approach, or even responding. This is not about why individuals are not attracted to a profile. We are online, and have different opinions about certain topics, but does not mean we have the right to treat each other with gestures of inconsideration. |
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Ok, here is my two cents worth on this subject. As long as any first email is respectful and has more content than, " Hey sexy " I will reply. Most times the reply is only a, "Good luck with your continued search." Now if the first email has content and is respectful, I will go and check out the senders profile. If I find there is any connection, interest and or content to reply to, I will do so. Now to your original post...
When I was actively searching for a gentleman to share my life with, viewed lots of profiles and I wrote to lots of men on the site. As with guys, I got an equal amount of no replies, strange answers and so on. Some of the profiles were too far away, no information in their profile, way too young or they were not smokers. I smoke and do not wish to impose my habit on anyone that does not smoke. So after viewing one of those profiles I did not write and moved on to the next profile. I might be a strange female as I was not afraid to speak to anyone, male or female and "Just say Hi." to folks I found interesting in the forums or in their profiles. I will also say that there a couple of male members that have viewed my profile for years, yes I said years. They have never written. I do not find them interesting to write to, so I have not. It is my right not to do so. Yet they keep looking at my profile. ( My guess is that they are entertaining themselves.) Now I can guess as to why other women might not write first, but it would be just guess work. I think everyone has their own reasons for writing or not writing first. And these reasons vary from person to person, nationality to nationality and male and female. Good luck on your search. |
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I sent the first inquiry, once. Paid off big time :-) I am guessing that fear plays a small part, more I think tis the way things have always been. You chase us and chase us. Til we finally catch you :-) If fear plays only a small part than your suggesting possibly traditional behaviour. That is funny "You chase us and chase us. Til we finally catch you...) I have a Twister mat, anybody wanna play a real game? |
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Edited by
davidben1
on
Mon 12/22/14 10:35 PM
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who would want to be involved with anyone that does not allow each to make their own choice of reaction in life, as each one see's fit.
that would be one thinking what it self wants, likes, everyone else "should do"... a person with this mentality may find it difficult to find a compatible friend, let alone a compatible lover... for what is a friend, even more so lover, except seeing another as equal, which would be to deem their reactions in life just as valid and equal as the one's one self chooses. there is no what others "should do", in a world of respecting others choices as valid as one's own. expectations of what others should be or do, based upon one self, only steal from the one who wants, and has not. |
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there is one woman here that likes to atack men.no matter what we say we are wrong in her eyes.who cares if we cant spell as long as people understand.im not likeing seeing her make snotty coments.so if you dont like men im sure theres a off switch on your computer.use it.... You have made 2 posts, and haven't been a member of the site very long, but you're complaining about some woman here that makes posts you don't like? Sounds like you're doing exactly what you're saying you don't like seeing her do. Ya nailed it......... I have never been attacked in here , ever.... Nothing but nice... |
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I am not being presumptuous, although wondering why women will search a man's profile, but rearly if ever send the first introductory letter to a man? Not every profile is interesting to a woman understood. taking the topic back to where it started. answers are as varied as possible color combinations on a painter's palette. each person has their own reasons for why they do or don't do things. speaking for myself, I wouldn't call it fear. I'm no longer searching for anyone, so nowadays it is rare for me to initiate contact with a guy on here. if I receive a message from someone, yes. I view their profile because I like knowing who im talking to. then I respond accordingly. there are several guys including some on this topic to whom I did write a first message. usually because I admire their style or something they shared in one of the topics. often, I have written a first message because someone is so down, they might need a little encouragement. it was very rare while I was still looking for someone that I write a first message to start dating or anything. guess there are some ideas, that just never go away. one of those being that women who seek out a guy are too forward. yes, I know it sounds and is antiquated. to me, it's not about who sends the first message. it's about whether a dialogue can be established. whether things can build into a friendship or relationship. in the end, if both are interested, the messages keep building regardless of who started it. |
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i think because of culture and it will sound that.that lady can be prostitute
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I sent many first emails. If I'm interested in a guy I let him know in plain English. Scared a few off but others were receptive. I'm just a very straightforward person.
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Fill up my inbox baby....show me how you care.
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Plain and simply
I don't like REJECTION |
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I sent many first emails. If I'm interested in a guy I let him know in plain English. Scared a few off but others were receptive. I'm just a very straightforward person. I'm still waiting....ohhh... wait a minute...  . |
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have I ever sent the first message to a man......no
I have scouted a few profiles here and there though |
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Plain and simply I don't like REJECTION It only stings for a minute. Like a vaccination. |
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Stalkers
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