What’s Really Behind Your Fear of Commitment?

Commitment refers to dedication or a binding obligation to a person. Most men and women are in relationships in the ‘just dating phase’ where their partners are not willing to commit. Though people use the phrase fear of commitment to get out of relationships, it’s the leading cause of many relationship woes today. 

If you are grappling with this issue, there could be various causes of commitment phobia. Issues such as your upbringing can have an impact on your behavior when you start dating. Though you may also love the person you met on a dating site, you can still have trouble deciding to commit.  You can review the following factors if you want to know what is behind your fear of commitment. 

a couple standing & holding hands in front of trees
(Photo by Israelzin Oliveira from Pexels)

Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection can strongly influence your ability to commit. After you meet your perfect match on the best free dating website in the USA or at your favorite grocery store, you can have a great experience going out on dates and connecting. However, you may hold back on going to the next level in the relationship if you are afraid of rejection. 

Phycologists say, the more you avoid something due to fear of rejection, the more the fear is reinforced. Sadly, if you are afraid of being rejected, you can be turned down in the end for being hesitant and unsure. If you want to overcome this fear, you can take small steps to overcome this commitment phobia.

You Fear to Miss Out

Most people after dating their partners for a while can start to check out of the relationship if a topic about a future together is raised. Often, one can justify this behavior by saying they like having options. They want to be able to log into top free dating sites to find a potential match whenever possible. 

If you are choosing not to commit because you are not ready for a serious relationship, there is no problem with that. However, you could be using that phrase as an excuse to avoid committing. If you are ready to commit and have a fear of missing out on the next relationship, relationship experts advise you to start looking to the future. If you can see yourself with the person you are dating six months or a year down the line, it could indicate they’re a perfect fit for you.

Most people fear committing to one person forever, which can put breaks on a relationship that was making great progress. In view of this, experts advise you not to look at commitment as something you’ll never be able to get out of. Rather, you can look at it as giving the relationship a real shot, which is also genuine and okay.

Past Relationships

Relationships are not always rosy or easy and some leave deep scars than most. If you have been hurt in the past, you may find it hard to commit to a relationship. However, psychologists advise that pre-existing conditions can affect your ability to heal and form a healthy relationship. 

Other Psychological Factors Fueling Fear of Commitment

Some of the psychological factors that can affect lead to fear of commitment include:

Childhood Trauma

If you experienced childhood trauma, you may be unable to trust people. This inability to trust affects how you can commit to another person. When you meet a person on free dating sites, it is not easy to perceive such issues during the first few interactions. Though trauma can include a natural disaster or sexual abuse, there are other forms of childhood trauma that can affect your relationships. Childhood trauma refers to something your brain perceived as traumatic as a child not what your adult brain can rationalize. A child’s brain can categorize abandonment as a parent leaving them with the grandparent for several months. 

Low Self-Esteem

Do you find it hard to commit to anything? You can find it hard to choose a career, buy a house, build new friendships, and even get married. It can be an indication of low self-esteem which has a negative impact on your life. If you believe you are not worthy of a good relationship or success, you tend to self-sabotage. 

Personality Disorder

A personality disorder excludes you from the norm. It can arise from teenage into adulthood. If you have this condition, relationships are complicated and a real struggle. Issues such as BPD (borderline personality disorder) can lead to a strong fear of commitment. You can visit a therapist to start working on the issues before creating a profile on some of the best free dating websites.

Negative Core Beliefs

We all have beliefs that drive every aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, some of these beliefs are negative which warps our worldview. If you have negative core beliefs, it can affect how you relate with other people and your relationship. If you want to have a healthy and productive relationship, you can explore your fear of commitment in depth by seeing a therapist.

In therapy, you have an opportunity to dive into your motivations and reasons behind your actions in relationships. You can have group therapy or one-on-one sessions to address the underlying motivations.


Dating is an exciting experience. However, many people get into it with the idea the relationship can grow into something deeper and meaningful. Many people find good mates and potential life partners, only for this ideal not to materialize due to fear of commitment. Putting sudden breaks on a relationship that was growing into something is painful which can affect their ability to relate with other people. 

To break this cycle, you need to look at the reasons behind your fear of commitment. Dealing with fear of rejection, fear of missing out and past relationship ghosts is a good place to start. At Mingle2, one of the best online dating sites, you can search for matches that will suit your ideal relationship. 

I edit posts for this Mingle2 online dating blog. I love articles about dating, useful tips for online dating, and all the information related to it. Hope these articles will be useful to you.

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