What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate

Intimacy is arguably the most important part of a relationship, as it both refers to closeness and sex. You and your partner should find happiness, pleasure, and satisfaction in being intimate. Intimacy is the main ingredient that separates a romantic relationship from a friendship. If you’re not being intimate with a person, then that relationship isn’t more than a friendship. 

couple sleep separately on bed, partner doesn't want to be intimate

However, not everyone feels the same way about being intimate. Some people consider sex secondary in relationships. But once a couple has different opinions on the subject of sex, conflict follows. 

What do you do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate? Kindly keep on reading.

What is Intimacy? 

Intimacy is a strong feeling of closeness and emotional connection with another person. It allows us to share, without reservations, our feelings, thoughts, plans, and intentions with someone we consider close. Intimacy allows us to drop whatever walls we have built, thereby launching us, soul, body, and spirit into the space of another person. 

Intimacy has different types, but the most prominent are sexual and emotional intimacy found in romantic relationships. However, intimacy doesn’t join the party immediately after the relationship begins. For some people, it’ll take time, while for others, it’s a go from the start. You need to understand yourself and your partner before considering any intimate issue you think you have as a problem.

As mentioned above, sexual and emotional intimacy are the top tier in romantic relationships. However, intimacy requires a range of connecting emotions to happen. Without any of these emotions, achieving intimacy could become a problem.

What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Intimate

Define intimacy with your partner

While you may think your partner isn’t being intimate, he/she might simply be enjoying intimacy with you on a different level. Understanding is fundamental in this kind of situation, which is only achieved by effective communication, where you not only express your concerns but also listen with interest. 

Intimacy means different things for different people. Your partner may prefer spiritual or intellectual intimacy above other forms of intimacy. Effective communication will help you understand your partner’s preferences and how best those preferences can better serve the relationship.

Be judgment-free, honest, and open-minded in your communication. Listen to find a solution to the underlying problem. With proper channels in your relationship, understanding your desires becomes easy.  

Don’t blame anyone, just yet

It’s easy to throw blame around whenever things are going wrong in any relationship, which mostly bolsters the small problems. Don’t go blaming your charm or ridiculing your level of attractiveness as that will only kill your self-esteem. Also, don’t go accusing your partner of cheating without tangible evidence or communication. 

Several reasons can be responsible for a lack of interest in intimacy, some of which are embarrassing medical problems. Stress and anxiety are also culprits as they affect our libido.

Communicate with your partner to uncover the underlying problems, and encourage treatment. 

Be open-minded 

Listen with genuine curiosity. Entering the conversation with preemptive thoughts will only ruin your chances of arriving at a suitable solution for all parties involved. Open-mindedness will help your relationship go a long way. 

While listening, fight the urge to make assumptions as it can derail you from the conversation. Instead, put effort into the conversation by creating a conducive talking environment for your partner. Doing so enables them to express themselves without shame or anxiety. 

Also, never weaponize any information from your partner. Allow them to be vulnerable around you.  

Make lifestyle changes

After deriving a tangible explanation for your partner’s lack of interest in intimacy through effective communication, the next step should involve implementing a solution. The most viable solution is making lifestyle changes. Things like stress and anxiety can contribute to a disinterest in sex, therefore, changing your after-work activities or improving the environment of your home to reduce stress would help get your sex life back on track.

You can also make lifestyle changes to get your sexy back on. Sometimes, a lack of interest in intimacy is due to complacency on your side. Get back your sexy self on and watch how your partner drools over you.

Consult a specialist

While effective communication can resolve most of our issues at home, specialists are still needed to help our cluelessness. Sometimes, what we see isn’t all that there is, therefore, we need tools and techniques that’ll help us uncover the truth. Specialists who are well trained and certified are our best bet at uncovering those dark, uncharted territories in our relationships. 

Your conversation with your partner should lead you both to an appropriate specialist. Choose from a relationship or sex therapist, or even a marriage counselor if need be. Be open-minded and ready to wholeheartedly welcome any solutions put forward. Also, listen to your partner’s side narrative with great interest to change or rectify your habits. 

Consent is important 

While intimacy is what essentially differentiates a romantic relationship from a friendship, that doesn’t give anyone the right to forcefully initiate intimacy. Be patient with your partner until he/she comes around. Don’t force them into consent, as it isn’t ideally consent. Consent is freely given and should be without pressure.

Understand your partner’s decision and don’t try to turn that No into a yes. According to the law, it’s manipulation. Mutual understanding and respect should also be held in high esteem in every relationship. 

Conclusively, there are a couple of things to do when a partner doesn’t want to be intimate, which include effective communication, taking responsibility, making lifestyle changes, and visiting a specialist. Intimacy is the soul of every relationship, however, it shouldn’t be coerced but should be freely given. 


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I edit posts for this Mingle2 online dating blog. I love articles about dating, useful tips for online dating, and all the information related to it. Hope these articles will be useful to you.

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