When it comes to online dating, women generally have the advantage. If they are reasonably attractive, they can pretty much sit back and wait for men to send them a message and choose to whom they will reply. If the girl is incredibly hot, she will have to sift through dozens if not hundreds of messages without ever being forced to search ponderously through male profiles.
A number of the messages women receive are easily dismissed for two reasons: first, they are messages requesting sex, which is a huge turn-off almost 100% of the time; and second, the message is obviously part of a mass-messaging effort by a guy playing the numbers game (you send out enough messages and someone is bound to answer back, right?).
So if you’re a guy with at least some social skills (i.e. you don’t think messages requesting sex are attractive) and a true desire to make online dating work for you, you have to make yourself stand out from the crowd in a positive way. We’ve discussed more general ways to structure the first message here but here are a few tips just for you men out there who are sincerely trying to make a good impression and meet someone you’d like to spend more time with.
- Compliment her on something other than her looks the first time you write. A girl likes to be seen as a human being, not as a set of physical assets.
- Write a comment or two that shows you have thoroughly read her profile.
- Ask her a specific question based on your common interests (not something general like “how are you?), but don’t answer it about yourself just yet. You want to give her the chance to answer the question and then ask it back to you to further engage you in conversation.
- Keep your questions limited to one or two low-pressure inquiries to avoid your message looking like an interrogation.
- Keep the entire message below three paragraphs (and the paragraphs don’t have to be longer than one or two sentences apiece) but not less than two.