The Blackfoot Indian tribe of central Saskatchewan gave me my native name; "Ak-sana-ka-tak-we". Translates to "Dances With Cows".

Runs with scissors.

Hey... love me, love my dog. Package deal.


Aaaaaannnnd here's my list;

1. I don't like close up selfies taken from below the chin level... nobody wants to look up your nose holes!

2. Having some inspirational quote or butterfly/unicorn/nature pic as the lead photo, instead of a proper face shot. I don't care what Buddha said today, I want to see a pic of who I'm reading about.

3. An endless assortment of pics taken in front of the Eiffel Tower, Taj Mahal, Sydney Opera House, etc. Ok, you're a world traveler, we get it. What's your personality like?

4. A pic of your feet. Men really don't care about your feet, other than when they're bringing you towards us for a hug.

5. Your prom pic or other terribly outdated selfie as the lead photo. False advertising. Yes, you were gorgeous back in the day, but I'm really more interested in who you are at this point in time. I want to fall in love with you in the present, not in your past.

6. Selfies taken while driving. As a long time motorcyclist, these scare the **** out of me. I have enough problems as it is with inattentive drivers, I don't need you out there trying to kill me or my friends, too.

7. Pics of you with your kids or grandkids. It's great that you love them, but not cool to display their faces on the internet. The world is a nasty place full of nasty people, don't bring unwanted attention to yourself and family. 'Nuff said.

Aw, c'mon... I'm having fun in here.

You probably would. I like to torment waitresses and CSR's by using a different accent every time they talk to me. And I just love to diss all the people walking by. I'm pretty sure my death will come about as a direct result from being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.

Things to be grumpy about (cont'd):

12. Realising that your local pharmacy's prescription hotline and your Dr's office numbers are in the contact lists of your home phone, cell phone, computer, tablet and on a piece of paper in your wallet, but you have to consult the phone book for the number of the nearest pizza joint.

Haaaahahaha... y'all best pray we never meet, then. I can do some pretty good Southern, German, French and Russian accents. You'd have me committed in no time.

He was the ex's Hall Pass. Some people talk dirty to their partners to spice things up in bed every once in a while. All I had to do was find a movie with Sam Elliot in it, play it just before we went to bed, then mimic his accent and talk to her as we hit the sheets. Turned her into a maniac every time. Funny thing, though, is that she always kept her eyes closed.

Trying to avoid eye contact with my dogs, because it's hosing down rain outside and they want to go play fetch the ball.

You two should get together, you'd make a nice looking couple.

Dude, stop that.

Sorry to hear that, girl. All I can say is that things will get better in time, or at the very least you will simply become used to the new direction in life.

2014 was one of the worst years for me... the now ex pulled a surprise "I want a divorce" attack on me at the start of March, which was a big surprise, as we'd sold our house in Feb and were in the process of making an offer on a new one in a different city. I had to scramble to find new accommodations in an unfamiliar area at the same time we were in the process of relocating the motorcycle shop I was working at. Then my Dad suddenly passed away two weeks later and from Apr to Jun I spent every weekend driving 5hrs to help Mom cope with the aftermath, sell her house, find her a new place, etc. Then a beloved Aunt passed away near the end of the summer and another was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer with a grim outlook on long term survival.

Thankfully, I still have some of my old Army instincts left in me... react, adapt, overcome, continue towards the objective. Suddenly it's two years later, I'm living closer to Mom now (she's about to hit 80 and is no longer a spring chicken), my life has shown signs of improvement and I continue to wake up every morning, breathing. Life goes on.

Thanks and a Happy Easter to you, too!

I can do all that for you, but you have to clear it with my dog first. You wanna ride in his seat, you have to negotiate that with him. His current rate for renting the sidecar is a belly rub and a cookie.

You missed the last line of my post, it was the truthful one. And btw, I prefer beer to wine. And I think "country music" is an oxymoron.

Ladies, you should message me because I'm a fit, tall, dark, and handsome rich man who loves to take puppies for long walks barefoot in the rain on the beach as I sip wine and nibble on chocolate while challenging you all the way to the zipline that takes us to the country music dance club.




No?

Dammit. FINE, then, you should message me because I am NOT all of that and a bag of chips.

And a special Happy Easter to Miss TMommy...

Happy Easter, Grumble Bunnies!