I agree with you absolutely - I wasn't suggesting you should not be open and honest with them, just warning that this will not always prevent the onset of obsessiveness.

I can appreciate where you are coming from on this; but would suggest that as we grow and learn, so our motives and attitudes alter too. I can only speak for me of course - but when I was 18 and training for a job in which those of a female gender outnumbered the male of the species at least 10 to 1 : (nursing); for the first couple of years I was a bit like a kid locked in a sweet shop overnight .... so much choice ..... so many opportunities - and to be honest - many of my friends appeared to see sex as a release: (because when you are still young - all that death and destruction kind of wears you down). Indeed I can also honestly say that in most cases, it was the girl who zoned in on you - not the traditional male thing at all. Indeed - my relatively innocent 18 year old self was more than a little taken aback by it all at first ... (I did get used to it fairly quickly though).

The problem was that I began to discover that sex without the involvement of feelings was a rather empty experience. Like I say - I can only speak for myself here - and just maybe the physical act is not as important to me as it might be to others. At the end of the day - I moved on since when I've had a relative handful of serious relationships. For several years and because I was on my own bringing up my daughter from my first attempt at marriage I made the choice of keeping out of the whole relationship game. I didn't think it was right to have a series of partners moving through my and my daughter's life. She deserved and needed all of my attention and focus. A further failed marriage later (producing a wonderful son though - who spends as much time here as with his mum - with whom I remain friends), I chose to keep myself out of circulation for a while. Needed to sort out that baggage I mention somewhere on another thread you see.

All I am really trying to say is that we do all move through phases in our lives, and as I say somewhere above - the past IS the past. There's nothing we can do to alter it - all we can do is accept it, learn from it and ultimately - move on.

Ga Ga is ok - if you like that sort of stuff. At the end of the day music is subjective. Lady Ga Ga is pop; and yes - from what I have seen of her and read - she does actually have some musical ability: (which is most certainly NOT always the case - especially in the world of pop).

Personally I can listen to all sorts of music - although my first love is rock. I tend to prefer music that actually has a message somewhere - hence I love the likes of Green Day, UK folk rock outfit The Levellers, early Rush, classic Pink Floyd (like Dark side and the Wall). I try to promote new unsigned bands - either via my radio shows when on air or through organizing live music nights: (had a great run of under 18's rock nights at the local football club attracting 150+ kids a show).

Like I say above - music is subjective and I would add - we all listen to it on different levels. What's good for clubbing (not my scene I might add) is not necessarily going to be lyrically significant - but I guess it suits its purpose.

Boulevard of broken dreams - Green day .... Actually anything by Green Day is good

Amusing thought - but I have always warned friends off internet dating. Seemed to me that all they ever got was someone several spanners short of a full tool kit. Worse still - they never seemed to listen to the advice - even after one bad experience after another.

Guess the key is indeed 'needy' here: (as one or two friends of mine genuinely are) This site is different to the average in so much as it offers talk boards like this. It also seems (although I am relatively new here) to be more about connections and friendship in the first instance - rather than just full on dating. The truth is that you really do need to be careful when it comes to the net. There are a lot of damaged individuals out there - some of whom will grab at any sign of friendship - like a drowning person grabs at drift-wood. Even being very clear with them regarding your motives - wants - wishes etc is unlikely to work; simply because being lonely can produce such an all consuming need.

Oh yea - almost forgot thanks to amusing distraction .... single - though open to persuasion ...

Lol!

Instinctively I am in the 'doesn't really matter' camp .The fact is that until we (as in humanity) invent some sort of time machine - and overcome the problems associated with 'causality' - there is actually bugger all we can do about the past; apart from accepting whatever it is that's happened in our lives. Past is 'past', Now is 'now' whilst the future (on a personal level at least) is ours to embrace.

simples ....

Bit of a Morrisette (jagged little pill) fan too by the jib of your lyrics above Jess.

Blimey - looks to me that you are drawn towards a particular personality type dude. A lot more common than we might think is that - and certainly (in most cases at least) not a question of deliberate choice. A concept that has always bewildered me - and peed me off in equal measure - is the apparent need for one side of a partnership to always appear as dominant. Actually - I REALLY Hate that!!! I don't want to dictate how or what to think to anyone - and the news is - NO ONE does that to me either.

For what it's worth - I'm Aquarius - although not sure how the movement of distant planets can affect your personality ....

Never been to psychology classes - I just find people and general human interaction interesting and I guess I must admit - I have read a fair bit. At the end of the day - it is all theory and theories; on a shallow level like clothing and music - go in and out of fashion. Also (of course) as I recall putting at the end of my first post on this subject - I could just be talking complete and utter bollox.

Sweet Girl gets it about right - and I agree - hate is the very last thing you should feel if and when someone appears to over-react. As she says (my reading of her meaning, so apologies in advance if I got it wrong) - you just do not necessarily know what connections he or she might have made as a result of whatever it might have been that set the whole thing off.

We all have our 'moments' - but it is generally only when you get to know someone better on a personal level that you begin to see beneath the public front - that persona that most of humanity adopt for general consumption. Maybe it is partially a British thing - this front. A hangover from that old standby - the 'stiff upper lip' - not letting 'the b***ards grind you down', 'best foot forward' etc - etc ad nausium .... From my viewpoint - another of those 'tricks' perhaps - the point is to not impose responsibility for those darker moments on another. If I get to feeling a bit down - or just want some space - I make that clear - together with also being clear about the fact that it is NOT their fault. A darker moment or a need for a little me time is just that - and will pass. Suitably recharged - the usual nutter can return full of bounce and wit once again ...... (at least - that's the theory ....)

Of course - we all react to inner turmoil in different ways and we all deal with it in different ways. Some prefer to talk things through. Some prefer to deal with whatever it might be themselves. The important thing here IMO is simply honesty and clarity.

Enough already ...

Thanks May

I think this is probably right, although I would also suggest that this 'completion' thing has rather a lot to do with that little matter of 'baggage'. We all carry at least some - it is part of being human. The real trick is NOT to impose the nasty items hidden within said baggage on others - most especially significant - or potentially significant others. A psychologist might tell you that just about everything that happens to us, that we are a part of, or witness, or that affects us is somehow filed away in our minds - progressing from conscious to subconscious memory as time passes. Such memories, most especially those that we are no longer consciously aware of (otherwise described as subconscious ones) never the less affect our conscious and the ways in which we perceive situations and the actions and words of others. To others this process might manifest itself as insecurity or jealousy. It might lead to innocent words or actions resulting in out of proportion reactions. Ever been really confused about the reaction of a partner to something innocently meant? "Pah - must be hormones" (or) "typical bl**dy woman / man (delete as appropriate)" ...

I guess the real message is that it is good to feel right with yourself. In fact - you NEED to feel 'right with yourself' before you have any genuine chance of building a relationship that stands a chance of lasting with someone else. We are all human - and at the end of the day, the majority of us will have some areas of subconscious that contain insecurities - or conscious that is negative about some aspect of ourselves. The trick is to identify these, have the courage to drag them out into the light of day - and accept them. They are a part of you - and the responsibility for them rests in the first instance with YOU.

Not sure about being "joyfully single" - but being 'single' has been a deliberate choice over the last few years. Personally I find the whole concept of 'must have' a relationship with a 'significant other' strange. Over the years I have observed Mr and Miss 'normal' running about in what often seems to be rather frantic circles either trying to maintain an existing relationship - or find a new one (even - in some cases - where they are still in one .....) For me, the most important aspect of any relationship is friendship. What on earth is the point of being with a significant other that you actually have little in common with - or indeed (if you're honest) don't really get along with?

Please don't get me wrong. I am not hostile to love, relationships, commitment or any other aspect of the whole thing. I do however tend to question whether many of us really appreciate just what 'love' is and I suspect that many get 'love' confused with that natural and normal rush we experience when we first get together with a potential 'significant other' - believing (falsely) that once this wears off (which it invariably does and is otherwise known as lust) that therefor we no longer love that person. Reality suggests that 'love' is really still wanting to be with that person - even when you know all those annoying things, even when you have faced the disappointment of realizing that he or she is not exactly the person you originally thought they were.

On the other hand - I might just be talking total bollox .... ;-D